Page 76 of Chalk Outline
I didn’t mean for her to get hurt. I didn’t want to leave her. But everything was sealed when I signed Romina’s contract.
I swallow the sore feeling in my throat. Tears blur my vision and stream down my face, covering my calloused palms as I bury my head in my palms.
I was terrified.
She could have been torn away from me like that, and leaving her would have meant nothing.
I would rather slash my carotid artery myself than lose her.
A distant voice rings in my ear like a fucking chainsaw, forcing me to shut my eyes until it fades.“She can’t be sheltered by us forever. As much as we are too scared to let her out because of our past, we need to release her from her shackles. She’s ready to face the world.”
It doesn’t matter what Romina said; protecting Winona is part of who I am. It’s part of my nature.
That clown.Why did I think they wouldn’t find us here? They always find us, no matter where we go. And I knew he was coming.
I’m not invincible.
I’m lethal, yes.
I’m a powerful weapon crafted by others for their benefit, yes.
Did anyone ask me what I wanted, other than Winona? Never.
She asked.
She sought answers and explanations countless times, eager to learn every detail about me. All I’ve done is disguise my ugliness because if she knew what I am capable of, she’d be ashamed of me.Or so I thought.
She proved me wrong.
Leaving her was the last thing I wanted to do. If I could turn back time, I would never have left that night. She will never forgive me. That eternal love she saves in the depths of her soul will vanish once she realizes I’m still alive. The lies will cut her deeply. My blood will be worth shedding. Hopefully, the truth will set her free.
I chased it for her.
For me.
For our future together.
But maybe there’s no future for us. Maybe everything is just an illusion. Maybe it’s all a dream I made up in my mind because I couldn’t face the truth when it screamed at me so loudly I pretended it was background noise.
I exit the tower, line up a few cans on the crates from the basement, and pull the rifle strap off my shoulders. Cocking it, I aim and start shooting them in a row.
Winona doesn’t know it, but I saw her when we were kids. Right after she sent me away, Romina visited me in Germany. She brought a little surprise for me, packed so adorably that I smiled at every single thing she did. No one had made me smile before her. Winona was twelve at the time. She witnessed the first murder by the Halloween Killers, and Romina needed to get her out of there for a while.
Like a stalker, I watched, waiting to see her grin reappear and curve around her freckled cheeks.
I walk along the trails, surrounded by towering trees and the lushest grass I’ve ever seen. The air feels pure and calming. Here, worries fade away, and we only focus ontraining. Everything is well-organized, and I attend classes as scheduled.
I walk toward the line of cabins in the distance. There’s a kitchen sign on the first one, and lunch is about to be served outside. Wooden tables and cozy chairs are scattered in the garden, although some prefer eating on the ground. It’s all about enjoying nature and building a deep connection with it.
They cultivate their own food in the vast fields and work in the stables. Everyone participates. It’s integral to training.
I enjoy working with horses whenever I have the opportunity. They’re peaceful.
For the first time in my life, I am wearing clean clothes and nice shoes. I can shower whenever I want with warm water, not with a hose. Back home, some days we didn’t have water at all; I’m pretty sure Dick was doing it on purpose so he could feel needed—that abusive mother…
I stop in my tracks.
The thoughts fade away as I look ahead. An orange-haired girl bounces on the ground, twirling until a wide smile spreads across her face. Though her white sneakers are streaked with mud, she remains unfazed, joyfully flinging herself onto the grass and soaking up the sun.
