Page 46 of Show Me How
“Read me the next ones, and we’ll see.”
“No getting jealous, and no catching feelings.”
“Those are good. They stay,” he says, sounding almost relieved.
I let go of a breath I’ve trapped, mirroring his reaction. “They’ll stay.”
“What about your other list? Have you finished that one?”
“No.”
“Don’t overthink. Tell me what you like or what you’re interested in. We won’t do anything you don’t want to, and even if you think you could like something but change your mind, that’s that.”
“How are you so good at this?” I ask, staring at the ceiling.
“I’m just no longer bothered by things like this. I know what I like and what I don’t. It gets easier.”
“I’m having a hard time believing that.”
“You’re just thinking about it too much. Close your eyes,” he instructs.
I can hear him moving around on the line and grow curious. Is he at home? Is he in bed or on the couch like I am?
Letting the questions go, I follow his instructions. “They’re closed.”
“Stop thinking about what you think I’ll approve of and focus on what would interest you. When you had sex, what about it did you enjoy?”
Easier said than done. Especially when my only sexual encounter was painful, tense, and awkward. I focus on his question, thinking past the bad and to the few good moments.
“It was quick. I wasn’t anywhere close to an orgasm. He didn’t touch me much before the real thing, but when he did, I wanted more than just his fingers on me.”
“You mean his tongue?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“And did he put his mouth on you, Millie? Did you ask for that?”
“No.”
“Put it on your list,” he urges, voice raspy.
My heart nearly jumps free of my chest. “You’re sure? That’s intimate, Shade. You don’t have to do that just because I’m curious about it.”
He shushes me softly, pushing past my argument. “Would it make it easier to hear my list of rules?”
“Yes,” I blurt.
“No sex.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it,” he confirms.
“You’re not worried about anything else? Or uncomfortable?”
“I’m attracted to you, Millie. If we were different people in different stages of our lives, I wouldn’t have any rules at all. You’re not punishing me by giving me an opportunity to do these things with you. It’s the opposite.”
My entire body shivers, and I’m too focused on that to stop the soft noise of pleasure from escaping my lips. The groan that follows comes from my phone’s speakers, and I debate asking him to come back over so we can start now before shutting that idea down.
