Page 67 of Atlas & Miles
Eyes glistening, Atlas nodded, placing his hand in mine, and, in an uncharacteristic show of submission, he let me lead him to the dance floor.
But that was as far as his deference went. As an upbeat song enticed singles, couples, and groups alike to let loose, Atlas led us in circles around the dance floor, spinning me out and back into him, even dipping me low to the cheers of those around us. I was gasping from laughing so hard by the end of the song, andAtlas’s eyes were full of mirth as he seamlessly guided us into the next song.
By the time a slow song was played, I was glad for the reprieve, and I pulled my Daddy into me as we slowly swayed in place. Our foreheads were both beaded with sweat by this point, but I didn’t care as I held him to my chest. Feeling his heart rapidly beating in time with mine, I realized I never wanted to be without this closeness, this connection, the ability to feel him up against me, his heart close to mine. I didn’t know how I could keep breathing without him in my life.
I supposed I would find out.
Catching his gaze, I leaned down and pressed my lips against his, leaving nothing to speculation. I didn’t care if the news made it around town—I’d called Cloudy and Ophelia while I was getting ready earlier to give them a heads up that I was officially out, and they were the only ones who needed to hear it from me—because all that mattered now was this moment of quiet bliss, this coming together of two hearts beating as one.
As this press of lips and chests and hearts and souls bled into my consciousness, it settled into a stark clarity: I needed this wonderful human in my life forever. And I couldn’t let him leave without telling him that.
“Atlas,” I started, voice soft, only for us. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Miles.” His voice broke as if he was already starting to feel the distance coming between us. My heart felt like it was being cracked open.
“I need you to know that when you get on that plane tomorrow, it won’t be forever. I don’t know what comes next, but this isn’t a permanent goodbye.”
His beautiful eyes welled then, and I hoped they were good tears, tears of promise and faith and belief that this would all work out eventually. “I want to believe that so badly, my sweet baby boy,” he whispered, but I heard him above the ballad thatwas in its second verse. “I want you with me forever, but I can’t ask you to leave everything you’ve ever known—your business, your family—to move across the country with me.”
“I know, but—”
He pressed a finger to my lips. “Is it okay if I get this out first? I’m afraid I won’t say everything I want to if I don’t get it all out now.”
I nodded against his finger, so he dropped his hand to grab hold of mine.
“I love you more than life itself, baby, and someday, I hope to put a ring on your finger.”
I let out a gasp, and my heart clenched at the anticipation, the overwhelming desire for that day to become a reality.
Tears spilled down his cheeks, and I knew if he touched his eyes, his mascara would start streaking down his face. “But if you decide to move, it needs to be the right decision foryou. It’s the same reason I can’t stay in Gomillion—if we make this decision for the other, we will grow to resent each other, and I can’t do that to you, baby boy. You matter too much to me. You matter so much that I have to let you go now so we can be together fully, at the right time. Selfishly, I hope that right time comes soon, but we can’t force it. You do what you need to, baby. I’ll be waiting.”
I nodded again, processing everything he’d said. I’d only just started to take my life into my own hands. Going to therapy, coming out, opening myself up to other people, trying to make friends—I didn’t want to revert back to the old solitary Miles, and I knew I would if I moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone.
These things were so new. I had to put a foundation under these new changes so when I saw Atlas again—when we were finally together for always—they would be a part of me, and the new me would stick around. I needed to learn how to be thebest person I could be for me, so I could give him everything he needed.
“You’re right, Daddy.” My voice was a strangled whisper, and even though the song changed to something a bit more upbeat, we stayed swaying in place. “And I’m sorry I’m not ready to move with you yet. The timing blows.”
Atlas huffed a watery laugh. “You’re right about that.”
I leaned down to touch my forehead to his. “But I’m not sorry we saw each other again. I’m not sorry for these past few months. I’m not sorry I became your boy, and I’m not sorry I fell in love with you. Because you’re everything to me, Daddy, and I’m going to be the best boy for you even when you’re two-thousand, six-hundred, eighty-seven miles away. You know, approximately.”
He smirked at me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Did you map it, baby?”
I nodded. “Of course I did. And I’m going to feel every single one of those miles in the coming days. But that will motivate me to become the man I need to be for me so I can be the best boy for you.”
Atlas nodded, tears flowing freely now and starting to make his mascara run.
“Oh, Daddy, your makeup . . .”
He waved me off, producing a tissue from his pocket and dabbing under his eyes. “I’ll be fine, baby.” He stepped back, stopping our out-of-place swaying, then grinned at me. “What do you say to getting out of here?”
“I’d say it’s about damn time.”
***
We barely made it through Atlas’s door and kicked it closed before we started tearing off each other’s suits between hardkisses. Our lips felt like magnets, because every free second, our mouths were glued together.
“I need you, Daddy,” I rasped, our lips brushing even as I spoke.
