Page 6 of Atlas & Miles
The clerk behind the front desk, a kid named Roger who was at least ten years younger than me—which, yes, I knew meant he wasn’t really a kid; I was just old—waved excitedly at me with a bright smile. I gave him a barely polite up-nod as I passed, but I only allowed a brief moment of eye contact because, otherwise, I knew he would—
“Miles!”
Triple shit.
I put on my customer-service smile—which Claudia had told me was more of a grimace, but it was the best I was willing to do—and spun on my heel, making my way toward the check-in desk.
“Hi, Roger. Room 205 is all set; housekeeping just needs to give the bathroom a final once-over. Did you need something else?”Don’t need something else.
He shook his head, and a boulder formed in my gut. That meant he wanted to talk. “No, that’s all great. Everything’s great. You always do a great job!”
That was a whole lot ofgreats. But his grin was genuine and wide, and while I felt my grimace turn a little less grimace-y, it definitely wasn’t a smile.
“I wanted to know if you’ve seen the reunion invite! It’s all anyone’s talking about. My mom’s friend group is all buzzing, discussing how great it will be for the local economy, bringing in some tourist dollars to kick off the summer. My mom was telling me all about it. She’s even friends with Vanessa, the assistant principal, who’s on the reunion planning committee, so she has the inside scoop.”
I blinked, trying to process all that information and a fourthgreatbefore remembering he’d sort of asked a question. “I should be getting my invite in the mail today.”
“Oh! It’s so exciting, right?” he asked then barreled ahead without waiting for an answer. “I bet you’re stoked to see classmates you haven’t seen in twenty years. I’m so jealous you all get a reunion. I’m due for my tenth next year, but I doubt the school will be able to afford another blowout so soon.”
I cocked an eyebrow. Blowout? That didn’t sound good. “Heh, yeah,” I managed, trying to manifest the ground swallowing me whole so I could get out of this conversation.
“Is there someone you’re looking forward to seeing?”
His question hit me like a punch in the stomach because, yes, therewassomeone. Not that I would admit that to anyone.
So I gave a noncommittal answer, the scowl on my face fighting to return. “Not really.”Liar.
“Oh.”
My response seemed to deflate him, which made my gut clench uncomfortably. Despite my general grouchiness at the world, I didn’t want to dim the kid’s light. He should be able to be his bubbly self—I just really didn’t want it aimed at me.
Thankfully, he literally shook it off, doing a full-body jiggle. “Anyway, just send over the invoice, and we’ll get it paid right away. I hope you have a great day!”
My lips almost formed a smile at the relief I felt to be done with this conversation and a fifthgreat. He was on a roll. “Thanks, Roger. I appreciate that.”
As I headed for the door, he called out with a wide grin, “And we appreciate you! Don’t be a stranger, or I’ll track you down just to say hi.”
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes, giving him what was certainly another grimace before I stepped out into the January sun.
Great.
***
My day had just begun—it was barely past eight am—and after that encounter with Roger, I definitely needed coffee. The only place worth going was Fresh Brews, a south-side coffee shop that boasted freshly roasted beans from the best farms across the globe, so I pulled out of the hotel’s parking lot and pointed my truck in that direction. It was completely out of my way, but the coffee served at The Roll, which was just a short walk from the hotel, was so terrible, Fresh Brews was worth the drive. I thought I had a few appointments out this way, anyway, so I figured I could try to knock them out once I was caffeinated.
On the way, my mind drifted to who I might see at the reunion. I’d been friendly acquaintances with a few guys on the football and swim teams, even one or two I’d call a casual friend, but we hadn’t talked since graduation. It might be interesting to catch up with them. Maybe.
I’d played football for years, but I’d joined the swim team my junior and senior years for something to fill the void football leftafter its season ended. Staying busy meant not having time to think about how lonely I was.
Some things never changed.
But try as I might, I couldn’t get my mind to stop turning toward the one person I really wanted to see. He’d been a consistent crush throughout middle and high school—even elementary school, before I fully understood what a crush was—but when he’d moved to Seattle for college and stayed there all these years, I gave up on the fantasy of ever being with him.
I wondered what he was like now. Would the twenty years since I’d seen him have changed him? Or maybe he was just a little older and wiser but still the kid I knew? I would bet anything that he’d grown into himself, become even more amazing than he was back then.
Over the years, my mind had drifted to him, imagining where he was and what he was doing. I’d thought about what my life would’ve been like if he’d stayed in Gomillion, if I’d had the courage to ask him out, if I’d had the courage tocomeout. I’d never felt like I needed to, but for him, for the chance to be with the one person I’d wanted almost my entire life? I might’ve.
God, I’d wanted him so much. On my most embarrassing days—more recently than I cared to admit—I’d even allowed myself the fantasy of being with him. I craved knowing what his skin felt like, how his voice sounded after all these years, if his eyes would capture me the way they had back then.
