Page 49 of Atlas & Miles
Atlas had apparently wrapped up whatever interaction the two of them had been having because their hand landed on my elbow as they led me away from the center of the crowd. When we’d found a relatively quiet spot along the far wall of the gym, they crossed their arms and narrowed their eyes at me. “Okay, spill. What’s your beef with him? He seemed nice enough.”
I glared in his general direction, which meant nothing because half of our graduating class was in the same direction. “He was the one who bullied that kid, Holden, our senior year.”
Atlas gasped, the unspoken “Oh,thatReece” clear. “Hate him.”
I snickered under my breath despite my mood. “Yeah. But I don’t know, maybe he’s changed.”
Atlas actually did wipe their hand down their side. “Once homophobic, always homophobic, right?”
I tilted my head to one side. “I don’t know that that’s true . . .”
Atlas huffed. “Fine, you might be right. But I’m gonna hate him until he proves he’s reformed.”
I let my chuckle out this time. “You’re very dramatic, and I love that about you.”
There was that word again: love. And I knew I loved them. But this was not the time or place to tell them.
I glanced down at their name tag, which they’d hung on their purse. “He/they?”
Atlas shrugged. “Still feeling they/them, but he/they covers all my bases for the entire weekend. People can use whichever they want.”
God, they were amazing. They shouldn’t have to pander to ignorant people, but they chose to shine brightly through the adversity, be themself while considering others, and I loved that about them, too.
More than anything, I wanted to wrap my arm around their waist and plant a kiss on their forehead at their bravery and resilience. But the noise of the crowd around us reminded me where we were, and I refrained. It caused me almost physical pain, but I stopped myself just in time.
Atlas was eyeing me, their gaze seeing so much more than I wanted in this moment, like they could peer into my soul and see that I’d resisted touching them. Fuck, I hoped they didn’t think Iwas ashamed of being seen with them. And . . .shit. I’d not even introduced them to Reece when he’d asked who Atlas was.
I was the worst partner, the worst boy, the worst person. Atlas deserved so much better than me. I was still a coward.
Shit, I was, wasn’t I? I was a coward. That was why I never said anything when Reece bullied Holden. That was why I wouldn’t come out. That was why I stayed in this town, never really living, merely surviving. I’d done it under the altruistic guise of self-sacrifice for my sister, but really, I’d been too scared to take chances, try new things, make mistakes, grow, and live a full life.
Dammit.
Atlas’s brow was furrowed as they watched my face. I wasn’t sure if my thoughts were being broadcast in my expression, but they simply nodded once then smoothed their forehead. “Should we mingle? I think food and drinks will be served soon. Plus,” they said, their eyes sparkling, “I want to see all this amazing decor you helped build. Other than the fabulous drywall job you did at Jeb’s, I’ve not been able to really appreciate your work.”
Why did their voice catch when they mentioned Jeb’s? I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t have time to dig into it now, anyway, so I nodded. “Yes, let’s go.”
***
The side of the small gym—Such a ridiculous name, I thought again—not set up for registration was decked out with all the glamour of a cocktail party being hosted in a high school gym. Atlas was way out of this party’s league. And I realized, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, that Atlas was way out ofmyleague, too.
But I didn’t fit in this town, either. I’d not really been living here, in Gomillion, and I hadn’t even known it. And now, I couldn’t go back. Regardless of if Atlas was my forever or my just-for-now, I couldn’t keep living like I had, just surviving.
I had to reallylive.
And hope that Atlas wouldn’t realize they were too good for me.
I eyed them as we mingled for several long minutes—because how many times could you vaguely remember someone’s name from their name tag, ask what they did for work, and find out if they had a family before you wanted to poke a chisel through your right eye?—and noticed once again that something was off with them. I hadn’t had a chance to ask yet, and I doubted I would until we made it home.
We found Brad with a group of guys from the football team—including Cory, another of the nicer players on the team—and one of the former cheerleaders, Chloe, who had dated Cory in high school, if memory served. Atlas and I lingered longer than I’d expected we would, and I couldn’t help but feel like they were delaying being alone with me. But that was ridiculous . . . right?
After we’d talked to our new and old friends at length—Atlas was proving to be quite the conversationalist—I turned to them, the air in here slowly suffocating me. “How about I grab us some drinks?” I asked Atlas, who nodded, smiling, though again, it didn’t reach their eyes.
“Thanks.”
And just like that, I had the perfect excuse to push my way through the crowd, my thoughts running as wild as my rapidly beating heart.
I wanted to come out for Atlas. Of course I did. But with the way they were acting, would it even matter at this point? I didn’t know what was wrong, but my brain couldn’t help but leap to the worst-case scenario. Would they leave me with this potentially explosive secret out in the openanda broken heart?
