Page 109 of The Love Lie
“I just told you they won’t be.”
“But what if they are? Maybe I should just be honest. What’s the worst that could happen? Everyone in America turns on me?Okay. That would be bad. But Mom has a nice flower shop. I can work there forever. And Cooper! He wasn’t mad when I told him. Maybe people would understand. Maybe they—”
“Jesus Christ, Emily. GET A GRIP!”
A shocked beat of silence passes. “Is everything okay, Sam?”
Is everything okay?
IS EVERYTHING OKAY!?
No. It’s not okay. Because for a moment there, Sam thought Emily was about to ask her to do the live show in LA, and the very idea that she might have reason to see Cooper again left her so excited she couldn’t breathe, and now she’s the one having a panic attack. Fear claws up her throat like a creature from the deep.
“Sam?”
“I need to tell you something.” The words are out before she can suck them back in.
No. No. No. No.
“What?”
“I—”
The confession lodges in her larynx.
I didn’t turn down Cooper’s proposal.
The engagement ring is on my nightstand, and I put it on every night before I go to bed.
I’m the one who’s lying to everyone.
I’m the one who’s going to let something slip.
I’m the one who’s ruining everything.
“What, Sam? What is it?”
She’s keeping far too many secrets. It’s no surprise when one finally breaks free. “I’m the reason it took so long for you and Jake to get back together.”
There’s a pause, then a cautious, “What do you mean?”
“That Christmas when we came home after all your treatments, Jake came to the house. You were in the kitchengetting us ice cream. I met him at the door and I told him to fuck off. He had some stupid note he wanted to leave on the doorstep. I don’t know if it was to apologize or win you back or explain, and I never will, because I ripped it to pieces and threw it in his face. And, god, I’m so sorry, Emily. I should have told you. Years ago, right when it happened, before he left, I should’ve told you. But I was afraid. I felt like we finally had some good news as a family and I didn’t want to ruin it. I—” She stops to lick her lips, the truth sitting heavy on her tongue. But it’s now or never. How does someone find the bravery to take that leap? They just do. “I just got you back, and I didn’t want to lose you again. Not to cancer. Not to Jake. Not to anything. And I know I was being a selfish asshole. I knew it then, but I just couldn’t stop.”
The other end of the line is silent except for the softcreakof a chair, as if Emily has fallen back into her seat with the shock. Sam feels unexpectedly lighter though. Even in the face of losing her sister forever, the heavy burden of the lie has fallen away. And it would be in Emily’s right not to forgive her. It’s what she deserves.
“You guys probably would’ve gotten back together that winter if not for me,” she continues softly, ripping the veil over the hideous truth clean off. “You wouldn’t have spent seven years unhappy and alone. You would’ve had the love of your life. You wouldn’t be freaking out about facing your thirty exes on national TV because they wouldn’t exist. It’s me, Em. I’m the reason for everything. If I’d just let him through the door, your whole life might be different, and—”
“No.”
The word is so quiet, barely more than air. Sam holds her breath, unable to tell if that whisper was infused with horror or heartache.
“No,” Emily says again, stronger, louder, and this time Sam hears the last thing she ever expected. Beneath the sadness andthe anger and the hurt, at the base of it all, there’s love. “That’s not on you, Sam. You did a shitty thing. And yes, I’m pissed. It’s going to take me a minute to process this. But you’re not the reason it took so long for Jake and me to find our way back to each other. You don’t need to carry that burden. He could’ve fought his way past you. He could’ve come back the next day. I could’ve called him. I could’ve gone to LA. There are a million things the two of us could have done differently, but we weren’t ready. Back then, we weren’t prepared to fight for each other, but we are now. And that’s what made the difference.”
Sam can’t quite believe her ears. “You’re not going to yell at me?”
“What would it accomplish?”
“Hate me?”
