Page 94 of The Love Rematch
That’s his cue to hang up, to run away, to end the conversation before it has a chance to end him. But he doesn’t. For the first time in his life, he grips the phone tighter and asks his mom the one question he’s always been too scared to face.
“How, Mom? How do you know that?”
“Because, my darling boy, whenever I was scared, or lonely, or hurt, you were the person I ran to. You were my angel, my protector. Nothing bad could ever touch me when I was with you. And maybe that wasn’t fair of me to put that pressure on you when you were a child, but I did, and that’s my burden to bear. I should have made it clear, Jacob. I’ll make it clear now. I was seventeen the first time your father hit me. It wasn’t something you caused, something you could change. It was who he was. And the second you were big enough to challenge him, you did. Because that’s who you are. You don’t wreck people, honey. You save them. You saved me.”
“I destroyed Emily.”
“You made a mistake.”
“I walked out on her when she needed me most, Mom. I abandoned her. And worse, I spent seven years praising my own righteousness in doing it.”
He doesn’t realize he’s crying until the salt reaches his lips. They’re tears he has no right to shed, hurt he has no right to feel.
“Did you apologize?”
“Where would I even start?”
“WithI’m sorry.”
“It won’t be enough, Mom.”
“How will you know if you never try?”
He doesn’t have an answer.
“I’msorry, Jacob,” his mother continues, in the gentle, lulling voice he knows so well. “I’m sorry I never protected you, not just from your father’s fists, but from his ugliness as well. I should have done more. I could have done more. But I didn’t. And I’ll never forgive myself for that. From now on, I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you understand how wonderful you are. I don’t want you to spend your life the way I’ve spent mine, running and hiding, thinking I deserved every hit I got dealt. I want more than that for you. Don’t let the fear of turning into your father keep you from living. Please, Jacob, go to her. Talk to her. Face her. Be the man I know you to be. Be brave. Be braver than me.”
“What if I can’t be?”
“Then I guess what you said is true.” She sighs, a sad, loving sound. “If you’re not willing to fight for her, you don’t deserve her anyway. Good night, darling. Good luck.”
The phone clicks.
He stares at the dark screen.
In the quiet, a flashback plays like a movie across his thoughts. Him and Emily alone on the streets of Rome. His lips on her throat. Her voice in his ear.
Tell me.
Just tell me.
Real answer, Jake.
Real answer.
What do you want?
Don’t walk away.
He didn’t see it then, but he sees it now, in her pleas, in his mother’s parting words. Emily isn’t asking for him to be something he’s not. She isn’t asking for him to be better, or different, or even good. All she wants, all she’s ever wanted since the moment he left, is to be chosen. In her mind, he picked Los Angeles over her. Then he picked this show over her. She thinks she isn’t as important as his career, when the truth is, he doesn’t give a fuck about anything but her. He never has.
And the only thing left to do is to prove it.
To choose her.
To put her first, above his ego and his fear.
To confront the worst mistake he’s ever made and face the very real possibility of her rejection, because nothing is more important to him than making sure Emily doesn’t spend another second of her life thinking she’s anything less than perfect.
