Page 62 of Hysteria Rises
My favorite scenario to revisit is that day down at the river—wrestling with him in the rain and mud. I know the urges I have where he’s concerned go against everything the Collective teaches, but I can’t help myself. I’ve never let a single person in on any of my desires. Except him. The way he looks at me… Iknow. He has the same impulses, the same inner turmoil I do, even if he won’t admit it.
A sigh rattles from my chest. The truth is I’ve been playing a wicked, dangerous game where he’s concerned. Fortunately for me, he’s always been so desperate to fit in—not that he’d admit as much—that he’s kept every taunt between us. I don’t know what to do, though, because the feelings coursing through me just keep getting stronger, and every moment with him makes me ache. That heated stare of his, it dares me to take more, to push him harder. Like when I had him pinned up against the wall.
Before long, memories from the gathering room add to the mayhem rushing through me. My cock jerks as a vision of Mal fucking Twenty-three wanders into my brain. In this fantasy, I’m watching—just like I was that day—only no one else is there with us. And there’s no correction in progress, it’s just the two of themand me. And then she smiles, beckoning me to join them.
I let out a shuddering sigh. One thing’s clear, I’m not sleeping with these thoughts storming around in my head, nor with all the apprehension as to what will happen tomorrow. I’m way too keyed up. Throwing the covers back, I slip from the bed and stealthily exit the room, intent on one thing—relaxing under the spray of a hot shower.
A few minutes later, I’ve finally adjusted the temperature to suit me and step inside the stall. This is one of my favorite things to do, keep the lights low andlet the water pelt away whatever is troubling me. Living with so many people, it’s only in these quiet, middle-of-the-night hours when I find an ounce of solitude.
Tipping my head back, I take a couple deep breaths, letting my mind roam free, but it’s not long before it circles right back to my earlier thoughts. I release a groan as I soap up my hands then skim them over my torso and downward. At the first contact of my hand with my dick, I let go of a ragged fucking exhale, and I’m right back inside the earlier scenario my tired mind had conjured. Only now, I partake. As visions of my fury’s bouncing breasts and Mal’s rock-hard cock pistoning into her fill my head, I turn around, bracing my forearm on the tile wall.Faster. I swallow convulsively, then gasp as I shuttle a hand over my erection. I don’t bother holding in the grunts and groans of satisfaction as I work my soap-slick hand, tightening my fist just how I like it. And then my mind twists, taking a sharp turn, and suddenly I’m flat on my back on that floor with Twenty-three’s pretty cunt in my face and my ass full of Mal’s cock.
Click.The sound of the bathroom door closing has a wave of heat rushing to my cheeks and a low raspy moan escapes my lips. I shudder out my release, unable to stop myself from painting the tile wall before me with cum. “Fuuuck,” I groan out, panting.
Somewhere across the room, a throat clears.
THIRTY-TWO
MALAKAI
My lips twitchas I listen to the heavy breathing coming from behind the shower curtain. I totally just caught Cross jerking off. He’s definitely not supposed to be doing that tonight. Hell,ever.But I can’t really blame him. That no masturbation rule is stupid. “Cross? You good?” I pause, cocking my head to the side. There’d only been one person missing from our bedroom when I sat up earlier in a cold sweat, thoughts of tomorrow’s “revelry” running nonstop through my head.
Cross’s exit must have roused me. I don’t know why I followed. It wasn’t because of any reason I care to admit to myself at the moment.
“Fuck, Mal. Leave me alone.” It’s not often he’s in a mood at the same time I am. In fact,he’susually the one prodding me with his sharp wit to see if he can get me to lose my cool, but I didn’t even do anything.
I can’t fucking help that I had no idea he was in themiddle of treating his dick like a stress relief toy. “Not a fucking problem,” I bite out, wide awake and mildly irritated.
With nothing better to do, I peel off my underwear and toss it toward the dirty clothes pile in the corner, then reach into the stall beside the one Cross is currently occupying to get the shower started. As I step under the hot spray, my mind drifts back to Twenty-three—but unfortunately, it’s not anything sexy.
I let out a disturbed sigh. I can’t stop thinking about the part I’ve played in what she’s gone through. Every time I lay eyes on her, what I did skids right back to the forefront of my thoughts. It weighs heavily on me, like a boulder on my chest. In my opinion, it’s about time everyone agrees to leave her the fuck alone, but there’s no way to say that without it calling attention to me. I constantly have to prove myself to Kiefer. And there’s not a day that goes by where I haven’t put on a goddamn act worthy of a fucking Academy Award. The way of life in Dark Falls Hollow agitates the shit out of me, but I can’t let on. I’ve lived a motherfucking lie every day of my existence since coming here. I’d give anything to leave.
If only my spitfire understood that. She interests me for reasons I’d never admit to anyone, and the fact that she’s survived what she has so far tells me everything I need to know about the sort of person she is. Tipping my head back, I let the water pelt my face before scrubbing my hands over it in frustration. For fuck’s sake. That girl withstood one of the mosttraumatic corrections I’ve seen in the three years I’ve been here. And now? Because of her recent more docile behavior, she’s been allowed to live with the rest of our female population. Is that a good thing, though?
Is she like that now because they broke her? Did our fathers get their way? DidIbreak her? Agony tears through me. We’re on the verge of putting her through hell all over again, and she doesn’t even have a clue. This shit isn’t normal.
I helped her once. What are the odds it’ll be possible a second time without someone noticing? To my mortification, a desperate, aching sound escapes from my lips, and my soap-slickened hands tremble as I run them over my body.
Pausing to listen, I realize it’s mostly quiet in the next stall, with the exception of the intermittent splashing of water, so it startles me when Cross’s smooth voice reaches me. “Hey. Are you okay?”
My inner thoughts won’t ever be his to know. Letting out an aggravated sigh, I run my hands down my abdomen. “I’m fuckin’ fine.” My throat goes dry and each breath I take is more ragged than the last.
“You sure about that?”
My chest burns. “I don’t fucking know.” And I don’t know if I can trust him with anything, either.
“Rub one out. You’ll feel better.”
I freeze at his suggestion, blinking water from my eyes. “What?”
“You heard me. Whatever the problem is, jacking off will make you forget for a while.” From the next stall,the sounds of wet, slick skin on skin have me groaning, my cock standing at attention. He releases a pleasure-filled grunt, and my dick jerks.
I stop to run my tongue over my lower lip, swallowing hard.Fuck. Is he asking me to engage in a little mutual masturbation? “Uh… you know we can’t.” Is that what he meant?
A few very long seconds go by before he finally speaks. “No one will know if you don’t say anything.” He pauses, huffing out a belabored breath. “I won’t be saying a fucking word. But I’ll feel better.”
Oh for fuck’s sake. I don’t know how I do that knowing he’ll be over there doing the same. And worse, I’d be doing it because he fuckin’ told me to. I grimace, hissing through clenched teeth as I stare blankly at the wall. This shower stall has become my own personal inferno. I’m burning alive at the thought of what he’s suggesting. The idea simmers and stews inside me until I finally exhale hard. Blood pounds through my head, making it difficult to think.
“Agh. Fuuuck.” A grunt. A gasp. A heaved moan.
