Page 55 of This Is Love
Coincidentally, it’s the room I was in with Jaxon after the dorm meeting at the beginning of the semester. Back beforeI knew him, really, but even then, we had an undeniable connection. I need him. Or Logan. Want one of them to reassure me that I’m not being fucking crazy about this shit with Hazel. With shaking hands, I unzip my bag and dig my phone out. It takes me a moment to scroll through my messages, but I finally locate the group thread that the three of us had started a while back.
The guys have an away game today but are due back this evening since the university they’re playing is less than two hours away. I take a deep breath, then let it go as I unload, fingers flying over the phone’s keyboard.
When will you guys be back?
Shoot. How did the game go?
Sorry, I’m a little worked up.
I was hoping you were on your way.
Watching the screen in hopes that one of them responds, I walk blindly over to one of the couches, drop my bag on the seat, then prop my butt against the leather arm. Nothing. I let out a dejected sigh. I would have thought they’d at least be done with the game by now, but who knows if they’re in the locker room or have stopped at a restaurant along the way to get food.
My eyes crash shut, and I rub my hand over my face.Dammit, Hazel.I’m still shaking my head when my phone buzzes in my hand. I fumble with it at the same time my brain registers it’s Jaxon calling. Finally managing to jab at the button to answer, I breathlessly whisper, “Hi, Jaxon,” holding the phone to my ear.
“Hey, pretty girl. What’s going on?” I smile at the warmth in his voice. At this point, simply knowing he’s right there sets off some sort of response in me. I’m almost immediately calmer.And the more I think about how to answer his question, the more I’m glad he’s the one who called because in order to tell him what Hazel did, I kinda have to mention that it all came about because I passed out. Logan takes watching over me so seriously that he’d probably get on my case for not taking better care of myself. He knows it’s been something I’ve fought the last few years. With Jaxon, he might not see it the same way since he’s never been told by my dad that he’d better take care of me or else.
I groan. “I don’t know if I should get into it over the phone.” I get so wrapped up in dance classes and rehearsal and all the preparation that goes into dance performances that I simply forget to take care of myself.
“We’re a ways out. Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what happened.” Jaxon’s tone has changed.
I silently curse Hazel again. Every sly remark she’s made has been coming back to me in a steady stream since I left the studio.Oh my god, did you just execute your very first walk of shame?Rya, another one of your boyfriends is here. Then, there’s the fact that she was the one who suggested Logan had ransacked our room. And before today’s stunt, the latest had been,You tookmyballetspot. The more I roll over everything in my head, the worse it seems.
“Rya?”
I snap myself back to the present with a firm shake. “Sorry. Um. I kinda forgot to eat and passed out in the middle of class.” His swift intake of breath is audible, and I hurry on before he can comment. “But that’s no biggie. I was just stupid. Whatisa big deal is the way Hazel told the head of the department, who is also our ballet instructor, that I frequently do that. She made me sound like this idiot spaz who can’t be trusted to take care of myself.”
“Jesus, Rya.” He exhales hard. “It sounds like it was bad.”
“It was. And I left. Anyway, I’m glad you called. Logan might’ve been mad if he found out what happened, and I don’t want to focus on me flaking out about managing my diet again. He’ll freak. I definitely wish it hadn’t happened, but that’s not really why I’m upset.”
There’s some movement on the other end of the phone before Jaxon replies, “Rya. Baby, you’ve gotta take care of yourself.”
“I know. But you get that’s not what the problem is, right?”
“I do—and you have every right to be angry with Hazel.” He lets out a sigh. “And I kinda get the Logan thing, too, but?—”
I wince. “He’ll go all dad-protective on me.”
“Yeah, so that’s the thing.” Jaxon clears his throat roughly. “He’s right here.”
Shit. “Oh.” Why that didn’t occur to me, I have no idea.
While I’m berating myself, Jaxon’s voice has become muffled, like he’s covered the speaker of the phone, but I can still mostly hear him. “Give me a sec. I had one more thing to say to her. Or maybe two.” The line suddenly becomes clear again. “Rya, listen to me for a minute. Loganlovesyou. We both know that. I see it in the way he takes care of you, and I wouldn’t ever want him to stop doing that. It’s who he is. It’s what he does.”
A breath shudders from me as I consider what he’s said. “You’re right.” And I’m glad Jaxon and Logan are finally in a good place, but now I feel like shit for trying to hide this from Logan. My eyes slam shut as I press a few fingers to my temple. Rubbing circles against the spot where my head has begun to pound, I quietly ask, “Was there something else you were going to say?”
“Yeah.” Jaxon’s voice is rough and gritty. “But I don’t want to tell you over the phone. We’ll be back soon. Now, there’s a guy sitting in the seat next to me that willnotstop pestering me to speak to you. Think I oughta let him?”
“Yeah, you’d better.” I chew on my lip, so many things rolling through my head.
“Talk to you in a little bit, then. Here you go.”
“Hey, Rya.” Logan’s voice is like a soothing balm as it washes over me. But it has the effect it so often does on me… it leaves me absolutely defenseless.
Feeling the impending breakdown approaching, I try my best to whisper, “Hi,” without letting on that I’m about to lose it, but my throat catches on the word.
“Are you crying?” Logan asks, immediately following it up with, “Are you okay? Because that’s all I care about—all I’ve ever cared about. You have to know that.”
