Page 4 of This Is Love
You should go the fuck to bed.
You’re always griping about your beauty sleep.
My heart beats steadily in my ears. I guess I should expect all kinds of speculation about what really happened in that closet, but I’m in no place to discuss the all-out war that’s developed with my stepbrother. There’s no way I’m talking to anyone about this right now. Can’t focus on anything but Rya.
Look, I’m fucking flipping out.
Will text later when I have an update.
I hear you.
Tell Twinkle Toes she’d better fucking be okay.
Logan? Wake me if you need to.
I don’t respond to that last message, because there’s this yawning chasm before me and I’m too busy falling off the cliff, knowing what Levi meant with his final words. If things go to shit and I need him, call.
Footsteps approach the waiting area. I guess I must have missed thewhooshof the ER doors sliding open since I’m too busy wallowing in worry for Rya to care and sick at the idea that this happened to her on my watch. Her dad made me promise to look out for her. He’s overprotective when it comes to thewomen in his family. I’ve earned his trust over the last year and a half, never causing Rya a single fucking tear. And now, his daughter is lying alone somewhere in this hospital. I might not have escorted her to that fucking party, but I was there.
Fuck. I’ve fucked this all up.
“Where is she?” Jaxon’s usually smooth voice is hoarse, and when I lift my gaze to his, I can honestly say he looks like shit. “Why aren’t you with her?” The shift to a more accusatory tone has me snapping to attention.
He actually showed up. I hadn’t been positive he’d follow through. There’s a part of me that’s sure I don’t understand the motive behind any damn thing he does. I eye him, wetting my lips. It’s difficult not to take joy in the way he’s fidgeting in place, his spine ramrod straight. Slowly shaking my head, I shrug. “They wouldn’t let me stay with her. A no-nonsense nurse named Jennifer strong-armed me outta there.” I rub my bicep where her grip is imprinted on my arm. To be fair, I kinda forced her hand. I’ll find her and apologize for being a dick later.
Jaxon’s jaw works to the side, and finally he huffs out a breath and takes a seat in the uncomfortable plastic chair across from me. He sits there for a long moment, simply staring daggers at me.
I don’t know what his fucking problem is. I was an idiot to let my dick take the lead tonight. My head jerks to the side as I tear my gaze from his. Shouldn’t have let him play me again. He’s fucking using it against me that he knows I’ll get hard for him. Is it a “love to hate him” kind of situation? For him? For me? Don’t even fucking know. But I’ve gotta get it in check on my end and fast. Because really, it meant nothing for him to come out of that closet and admit I gave him head. What did he care who was sucking his dick so long as it was going into a warm, wet mouth? My face flames, and my jaw locks up. He’s fucking winning this sick game he’s forced on me.
And Rya. She’s the prize.
I watch him from the corner of my eye while he sits across from me, anxious as hell. Maybe he does care for her. I doubt it, but I could be wrong. And when I look closer, I see an undercurrent of loathing just for me. Fucking fabulous. What I ever did to merit this level of hatred, I don’t fucking know.
My eyes wander his tense form, knowing that allowing myself to study him will only jack me up even more… but it’ll also piss him off, so,fuck it. I slide my tongue slowly over my bottom lip and watch how it attracts a narrowed gaze. He might have my number, but I have his, too. He’s curious. I’d never fault anyone for that, but I can sure as fuck be entertained by it.
The whole money thing, though? That’s not amusing, but I’m positive I’m right about it. This wasn’t the first time Jaxon’s done something devious to get his hands on some cash. In fact, I’d wager half the reason he hates me so fucking much might be because he’s afraid I’ll talk about the fat stack I saw him steal from the safe in his old man’s office. It was a long time ago, but maybe he’s still wigging out over it? Fucked if I know. Maybe he thinks I already mentioned it to Eric. Or that my plan was to taunt him forever with it. I slowly shake my head, considering. I don’t even fucking know how to have that conversation with him without it starting World War III.
The silent volley of antagonism back and forth between us is potent, that’s for fucking sure. Even when he’s dragged his gaze away from mine, I feel it, a powder keg of epic proportions just waiting for the strike of the right match to set us off. Jaxon runs a hand over his tight-as-fuck jaw, his gaze pointedly fixed on the industrial carpeting under our feet.
Interestingly though, haggard doesn’t begin to describe his features, and he draws in one ragged breath, then another before his head snaps up, casting his fiery stare at me. “Who would havedone this? How? When? I was fucking there with her. Right up until?—”
The desperation in his voice knocks me sideways. Inside the hollow cavern of my chest, a vise squeezes, no matter that my heart is somewhere beyond the double doors with Rya. Frozen in place, I search Jaxon’s dark eyes, wondering at the agony lacing his words. He reaches up with both hands, fingers clawing at his scalp before grabbing fistfuls of hair and yanking hard. It’s got to hurt, but maybe that’s the point.
When I stop to think about it, it’s no different than the fury I’ve scrubbed over my face a million times since sitting down to wait. I draw in a deep breath, then exhale. “Yeah. I don’t have the answers to those questions. But don’t fucking remind me about the rest.”
He smirks for only a quick second, brushing off my comment before continuing his rant. “Whoever it was has some big-ass balls to do something like that with so many potential witnesses. How the fuck was she drugged without someone seeing it happen? Without anyone questioning? And how could somebody see her in distress and not do something? Call a fucking end to the goddamn game, for fuck’s sake.”
On one hand, if that’d happened, everyone would have absolute proof that it wasn’t just me earning that fucking money in the closet.Fucker. But on the other hand, he’s right—maybe we would have gotten help for Rya that much faster. Or been able to figure out who the fuck was responsible.
I throw out a hand, unable to withhold my exasperation. “Well, when we’re all required to take shot after shot and everyone’s fucking anxious about whether or not their name is going to get called and who they’ll be sent into one of the closets with… that could have something to do with it. And Trip had everyone’s attention directed toward his motherfucking littleinstruction cards from hell—” I jerk to a stop, my eyes pinning on Jaxon’s. “Just how well do you know this dickhead?”
He shrugs. “He’s your typical asshole frat boy. Thinks it’s funny to haze people who aren’t even part of his brotherhood. It’s been going on since before he was president. From what I’ve managed to figure out, it’s kinda become entertainment to the fraternity to watch freshmen figure out what they’re up to.”
“Yet, you were there. Twice. You’ve known what’s going on. Especially since you’re all buddy-fucking-buddy with Trip.”
Jaxon’s lips twitch, but I find it hard to read his expression. Narrowing his eyes on me, he grits out, “Trip owed me a favor. So when I saw you all go downstairs the night of Friend and a Fifth, I figured, why not. I didn’t know what I was getting into until you did.” He wets his lips, and I can’t tell whether he thinks this is some sort of an apology or an explanation or what. “But this last time around, we never intended to go in early. I promise I was simply helping Rya with a tipsy Hazel. But that girl, she took off like a shot. Who knew dancers could be so fucking fast.” Raking a hand through his hair, he sits back, appraising me, then folds his arms over his chest. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But go ahead and believe whatever the fuck you want.”
I work my jaw to the side. He could be telling the truth. Hazel is a damn handful, that much I’m fully aware of. “Right. Well, forgive me if I’m having trouble believing you.” Jaxon so easily could have planned everything with Trip tonight, right down to the card we were given. I don’t trust him. Warmth born of indignation blooms in my chest. “I bet you knew what you were getting into tonight. Knewexactlywhat you were going to do.”
