Page 40 of This Is Love
Turns out I was dead right to be worried. After our team’s victory, I watch Logan and the rest of the team who played today slap hands with the other team before heading back to the dugout.
I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder, giving the guys pats on their backs and smiles of congratulations before turning to slip away. There’s no reason for me to hang out at this point. This is Logan’s victory. His day. And I’m fine with that. But I won’t subject myself to witnessing my father shower Logan with compliments when he’s made a point of ignoring my entire collegiate baseball career.
Unfortunately, there’s only one way out of here, and my father and Jamie are already heading in this direction, blocking my path of escape. Fuck. I huff out a breath as they approach, giving them a tight smile. My eyes flick past them, to Rya, who has stopped in her tracks, her eyes widening as she realizes who is in front of her.
There’s a literal traffic jam of bodies, and before I know it, my dad and Jamie are on me. My father’s keen eyes assess my rigid stance, and he gives me a curt nod. “Jaxon.” He sidesteps another family and in doing so, grasps my elbow, tugging me off to the side.
“Hi, honey.” Jamie’s sweet voice assaults my ears, and I wince, my jaw going rigid at the endearment. I’ve never been nasty to Jamie, even after what she did to my family. I chose to focus my angst and pain on Logan, instead, figuring I’d get to her in a roundabout way. My brow furrows, and I step forward, awkwardly giving her a one-armed hug. She gives me a tightsqueeze. “Your dad thought we should come see Logan play—you know, since it’s his first game and all.”
Before I can say a word, my father aims a steely glare at me. “I see it in your eyes, son. Watch what you say.”
I huff out a derisive laugh. “In public, you mean? Because when have we ever minced words in private?”
His eyes narrow, accentuating the crinkles at the edges. The hair at his temples has begun to gray, too. For fifty, he’s in good shape, just finally showing a few signs of aging. “Don’t do something you’ll regret.”
Poor Jamie is bewildered by the entire exchange, which only serves to irritate me… and to be honest, it’s also kind of confusing.
“Hey.” Logan steps in the middle of our quaint family gathering, and I note Rya is standing off to the side looking on as well. “I’m surprised you’re here.” Logan gathers his mother to him in a quick hug.
“Oh, Eric said he thought we should come. I was going to attend a luncheon, but he insisted I should be here for your first game, honey. Good job. I don’t claim to know what I was watching, but your team won, so I assume you did well.”
“He did great.” My father gives Logan an approving nod. “He’s improved by leaps and bounds from what I could see.”
Logan’s eyes skate to mine. “Thanks. It’s done me a lot of good to practice with more experienced pitchers.”
“Don’t blow smoke up my ass,” I grind out.
“I’m not.” He plucks his ball cap from his head, smacking it against his thigh. His unruly hair is sweat dampened despite the cold.
Jamie’s eyes find mine. “I’ve been trying to reach your mother to see if she’d like to come to dinner. Could you ask her if she’s getting my texts?”
There’s a rumbling in my chest, much like a volcano before it spews lava. My insides bubble and burn with the desire to lash out. But?—
“Mom. I think that might be asking a lot of Macie. Maybe you and I can talk about it later.” Once she nods her understanding, Logan seeks me out from the corner of his eye, his teeth clenched shut.
“Oh. Well, okay.” She gives her son a sunny smile, and it hits me for the first time… she might be clueless. It’s really fucking concerning. And because I’m fucking perplexed by the realization, I totally miss Jamie’s eyes landing on Rya behind me. She waves first, then beckons to her. “Oh, Rya! I didn’t see you over there. Come here, honey!”
Rya’s expression is understandably anxious as she steps close to Logan. “Hi, Mrs. Ledger.”
“You know you can call me Jamie. You and Logan have been close for so long.” She glances between the two of them, then down, and I can’t tell what she’s seeing until a broad grin spreads across her cheeks. “Oh my goodness, have you two finally made the leap?”
Logan has Rya’s hand in his, firmly anchoring her—and also relaying to our parents that they are together. I heave out a breath. Not long ago, I would have blamed Logan for this, feeling rage so keen and intense, it’d send me into a week-long spiral. I would have plotted more ways to hurt him. But all I can do in this moment is shake my head, because there’s no way in fuck I’m ready to let my father know a damn thing about the delicate, tenuous state of the relationship the three of us are navigating.
Without waiting for an answer, my father drawls, “Well, this is wonderful, son. We love Rya for you. I was going to ask if we could take you out for a nice dinner to celebrate, but Rya should come along.”
An unsteady breath exits my lungs in fits and starts, and I close my eyes against the look of fatherly pride on my father’s face. It wrenches at my gut and has my head screaming.Why? Why not me?
This isn’t Logan’s fault any more than it’s Rya’s. This is my father shunning me, once again, like he’s done every day of my life. I turn away, unable to stand here and listen another minute. I stride carefully through the crowd, picking my way around the various other families until I finally break free of the post-game pandemonium.
I’m walking briskly in the direction of the locker room with hands shoved into my pockets when Rya’s voice reaches me. “Jaxon! Wait! Wait up!”
Spinning on my heel, I’m surprised to find not only Rya but also Logan barreling toward me. Not too much farther back, my father and Jamie have also exited the stadium, though they’re in conversation and not paying attention to anyone but each other. “Would you hold on a sec?” Logan grabs my arm, and my first inclination is to jerk myself free, but the concern on his face has me allowing whatever this is. I’ll listen. But I can guarantee I probably am not in the mood to hear it. He drags me with him, Rya hurrying to keep up on my other side. “Over here.” We duck around the corner of one of the sports complexes, and Logan skids to a stop as soon as we’re out of sight, whirling back toward me.
I hold up my hands, reversing a step once he’s released me from his vise grip. “It’s fine. Go to dinner with them. You deserve it. You did well today.”
Logan shakes his head. “Oh, I’m going to go. It kept the peace for a hot minute to agree to it. There’s other shit I intend to talk to him about, anyway.” My brow arches, but before I can question him, he murmurs, “I’ll explain later. I’ve gotta shower and change. They’re waiting on me.” His eyes probe mine, likehe’s trying to poke around in my head to see how I’m really feeling about all this. “And once I’ve had my say with him, I intend to ask my mother about a few things, too.”
My eyes crash shut, and I throw a hand out. “By the way, I didn’t mean to upset her by not answering her texts. But I knew if I opened my mouth, I might say something we all regretted. Don’t fucking ask me why I felt the need to protect her from that. I don’t understand it myself.” I wet my lips, shrugging as I open my eyes again to meet his.
