Page 26 of This Is Love
The look she gives me is heart-wrenching but also, in a strange way, fills me with hope. Nodding, she whispers, “I haven’t forgotten. Not for a second.” As she gazes out the window, a tinge of fear still hides behind her eyes. I can’t blame her. What that guy did to her… I doubt it’s fully hit her yet. “Maybe we should get outta here.”
A few minutes later, we’re on our way to her house. She’s quiet. But this is definitely a Rya move, turning her thoughts and feelings inward for examination before she’s capable of speaking about them. I glance at her from the corner of my eye, knowing there’s more than one thing I need to clear up with her, but I’m fuckin’ nervous about all of it.
Her quiet voice startles me out of the jumble of worries rolling around inside my head. “Whatever you’re thinking, just say it.” She lets loose a long exhale. “After what happened at the party, you said we could talk about everything—about us—but then the doctor came in, and after that—” She pauses, biting down on her lip so hard she winces. “The whole thing with you and Jaxon happened. And now…” Scrubbing her hands over her face she shifts in the bucket seat, bending one leg and bringing it to her chest, almost as if she’s trying to protect herself.
“I hardly know where to start, but maybe we begin with why you called Jaxon today…” The remainder of my thought weighs heavily between us.Why you called Jaxon today… and not me?
She gives me a sad smile. “It didn’t mean anything. You know, beyond him having a car he has easy access to.” As I take my focus from the road to look at her, she searches my face before continuing. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have—didn’t have—” Her eyes slam shut, and she shakes her head, anguish etched into her features. “I’m so fucking stupid.”
My brows draw together, as it hits me what was about to come out of her mouth. “Rya, you aren’t. And the thought you didn’t finish was that you have feelings for him.”
Her nod is small, but it’s there. It’s immediately followed by a hitch in her breathing. One quick glance in her direction tells me everything. Those feelings are deeper than I thought.
“It’s okay, Rya.” It’s like tearing my heart out, but I murmur low as we pull up outside her house. “If he’s what you want, I’m not going to get in the way.”
She shoots me the strangest look, then gestures toward the house. “Um. Okay. Lemme go get those pointe shoes. I’ll be right back.”
Confusion swirls within me as I trail the girl who owns a big piece of my heart all the way to the front door of her family’s home. She bends down, locating the spare key, then lets herselfin. What was with that expression on her face? It’d been part disbelief and maybe… part disappointment?
It doesn’t take long before she comes back out, a small bag in her hands. She locks up, then jogs toward me. Scanning downward, I notice the tears in her tights. Fuck. The moment she sits, I grit out. “If I had known you were hurt, I’d have offered to come in and clean you up.”
Grimacing, she shakes her head. “I don’t want to be here when my parents get home.” She hesitates, her eyes connecting with mine. “I can’t. I don’t want them to know.”
An exasperated breath heaves from me. “Seriously.”
“You know what my dad will say. He’ll bring me home. Feel like he has to protect me from the world.”
I work my jaw to the side. “Right.”
“Let’s go. Um.” Her brow darts together. “Do we need to pick up Jaxon?”
“Probably, but I’m not sure. I have his phone, so we’ll have to run by and find out what’s going on and at least drop that off so he can reach us.”
“What’s going on? Why were you with him? Or—shit. Maybe that should be obvious to me now.” Her face crumples a bit.
I side-eye her for a second. “It’s not like that. Coach made me go with him. He was upset. We both left the field before the game started, but the dick had me chasing him all the way to the parking lot. I wasn’t even certain he’d let me go with him, but I convinced him that I should drive.” I pause to clear my throat. “His mom isn’t well. I don’t know what’s going on. But there’s some shit I need to ask him about because—” I stop, shaking my head. “I don’t know if I should say anything more.”
She rolls her eyes. “You won’t tell me? I know she’s got health issues. Diabetes—not well-managed, if I understood correctly.”
“Yeah, I know, but that’s not the whole story. It’s—” Fuck it. “It’s that he thinks my mom is the root of the problem. He hasthis idea that she broke up his parents’ marriage.” There is more at play here than I understand. The more I think about it, the more confused I become.
Her mouth drops open, and she stares at me with wide eyes. “Whoa.” It’s obvious this is news to her as much as it was to me, so I guess Jaxon hasn’t been talking with her about that complexity of our relationship. I can’t decide whether that means a damn thing or not, though. Turns out he’s private as fuck about certain things.
“Yeah. And I don’t know what to believe. I need to talk to my mom. Don’t say anything.”
“I won’t. Promise.”
I nod, focusing on the road as we head back to the hospital.
“Lo?” Rya’s voice sounds funny all of a sudden.
“Yeah?”
“Will you—will you talk to me about what’s going on with you and Jaxon?”
I guess I should have seen that question coming. “You mean beyond me being with him when you called today.” At her nod, I let out a frustrated sigh, throwing a hand into the air. “I don’t know what it is. He confuses the fuck out of me.”
An audible exhale passes between her lips. “Why did you keep what was happening from me?”
