Page 18 of This Is Love
Something’s not right. I feel it in my gut, this is going to be bad. My palm sweats where it rests on the door, and I’m nervous about what I’ll find going down inside this room, but I push it open anyway.
At first, I think I must still be asleep and having a seriously weird dream—like a topsy-turvy version of real life that my drugged brain has spun up—of something I’ve conjured out of desperation for my two guys to get along.
But the longer I stand here, feeling woozy and half sick, the surer I am that I’m wide awake and being thrown headlong into some nightmare I probably don’t have the energy for or the wits about me to handle.
Jaxon’s on his knees with his back to me, his mouth full of his stepbrother’s cock. Logan faces me, but his head is thrown back in what can only be described as the most erotically exquisite rapture I’ve ever witnessed.
I’m dumbstruck. That’s the only word for it. My cheeks immediately burn hot as I stare at the two of them, gape mouthed. What the actual fuck? I can’t summon words, and there’s a wholly disturbing buzzing sound infiltrating every corner of my brain. I’m. Speechless.
Jaxon—the guyI’mseeing—moans aroundmybest friend’s dick as it shuttles in and out of his mouth. He’s gripping the fronts of Logan’s bare thighs so hard he’s practically making indentations there. It’s clear what they’re experiencing together is intense, but from the grunts and groans escaping them, it’s highly pleasurable to both parties. My chest constricts, lungs refusing to work right as one erratic thought after another crash through my head. I can’t process a single one before jumping to another. What the fuck? How the fuck?
I blink hard, unsure what to do or say, and the longer I remain a silent participant in this display of hedonism, themore surprised I am that I haven’t crumpled to the floor in a shuddering heap of confusion. My chest jerks, feeling arousal slicking my pussy. I blink again, now wondering how the fuck I haven’t spontaneously burst into flames… but also, how the fuck they could do this to me. My eyes crash shut for a moment. I feel… used.
Somehow, I manage to drag in another breath as I refocus on the pair. Should I just fucking go? My lip trembles, a sudden feeling of insecurity winding around me like some sort of killer vine, threatening to cut off my air supply. Logan’s mouth parts in ecstasy as he brings his head forward. His eyes immediately fall to Jaxon, blazing hot.
But then, he spots me.
Me, standing here like the worst kind of idiot. Oh my god. I’m so fucking stupid.
“Fuck,” he gasps, jerking his dick from Jaxon’s mouth. But as it slips free, his eyes lock on me, and the orgasm he’d been on the brink of overtakes him, his cum painting Jaxon’s lips and chin.
With my eyes wide and locked on Logan, a breath heaves from me, and I slowly shake my head. I can’t believe what I’ve just witnessed. Can’t believe the obvious truth…thisis what the problem has been all along. My jaw locks, gaze bouncing back and forth between the two of them as my world stops spinning.
“Rya.” Logan’s voice catches in his throat as his chest heaves with effort. The hurt that must be evident in my expression causes his eyes to crash shut. With jerking motions, he yanks his joggers up, tucking in his semi-hard dick. “Let me explain.”
I shake my head, sputtering as every word I need to say becomes lodged in my hollowed-out heart. Instead, my mind silently screams.
In front of him, Jaxon has stiffened, the muscles in his back jerking. Slowly, he lifts his hand, swiping it over his face beforehe scrambles to his feet and snatches up a towel. Before he turns, he scrubs it over his face.
When his dark eyes meet mine, I don’t know how to read him. His lips twitch. My gaze drops down the front of him, partly because I have to know what I’m dealing with, but also because I’m curious about Jaxon’s role in this shit show. My brain short-circuits as my eyes wander over the thick line of his hard cock pitching a five-person tent in his joggers. Swallowing hard, a crease forms down the middle of my forehead as I make a valiant attempt at processing what the hell is going on between these two.
“Rya…” My eyes flick up at the sound of my name on Jaxon’s lips. He exhales hard. “I?—”
I hold up my hand. “No,” I bite out sharply while backing away from them. “I can’t?—”
“Rya, please,” Logan chokes out, regret all over his face that only makes the situation I’ve stumbled upon worse.
Our eyes connect and hold as humiliation bubbles up inside of me. I continue to stare at him but gesture to Jaxon. “You actually want me to stand here and listen to whatever you have to say while your cum is still on his face?”
I glance at Jaxon, whose eyes have widened. The pink color high on his cheeks is a dead giveaway, even if his expression is mostly blank. He’d have said something by now if this wasn’t exactly what I thought it was. And suddenly, I want to know. I want to knoweverything.
In a rush, I let the questions shoot out one after another. “How long has this been going on? Was this funny to you? Am I the unwitting beard?” Anger anchored in abject embarrassment rushes through me, making my skin prickle. Rocked at the looks of dismay on their faces, I bring one hand up to cover my mouth as I stare at them in horror. “Is this some sick game to you?” I suck in air, feeling dizzy. “Am I a fuckingjoke?” The sting at theback of my eyes alerts me that I’m dangerously close to losing it. On a choked sob, the tears roll, and I turn, blindly seeking escape. Nothing I believed to be true was. Nothing. “Did I ever really know either of you at all?”
I race from the bathroom, and both Jaxon and Logan drop a string of muttered curses behind me. I’ve just yanked on the door handle, swinging it open when Logan bands both arms around my middle. “Stop, Rya. Give us a minute. Please, baby.”
Stiffening in his arms, I struggle. “Don’t you dare call me baby.” He tugs me backward against the solid wall of his muscular chest, and Jaxon moves around us to shut the door. Before he can manage it, I catch a glimpse of Azriel, his brow quirked. I inhale deeply, ready to shout at him to help me, even if I don’t think he would. He and Jaxon are buddies, if only because of the baseball team. “Lemme go.” I struggle, trying to work my way free, but the expenditure of energy is futile.
In what I’m sure is supposed to be a soothing tone—but only ends up grating on my nerves—Logan whispers near my ear, “Rya, I can’t let you walk out of this room without a chance to at least set some things straight. Not again. The last fucking thing I want is for you to avoid me. I know you’ll need your space, but it’ll kill me if you walk out of here thinking the worst of me.”
Jaxon snorts. “Ofus.” I turn my head, catching the way his full lips are drawn in an uncharacteristically tight line. “Rya, just give us a minute. Then, if you want to go, you can. But you’ve been through too much in the last twelve hours to pile more shit on top of it that doesn’t need to be there.”
“Let go of me, Logan,” I grit out past clenched teeth. I don’t miss the look they exchange—theWhat the fuck do we do now?—that I’m unsure what to make of. Last night, I’d assumed they were halfway decent to each other for my sake.But now? Fuck!For the thousandth time in the last two minutes, I scramble to figure out just how the hell this is my life right now.
Logan lets out a frustrated sigh. “Okay. If you’ll stay a minute.” Those strong arms of his that I’ve found comfort in so many times are bound around me like steel bars wrapped around my torso, threatening to make my lungs collapse. “Rya,” he says softly, “it’s not what you think. Please stay. We’ll figure out how to explain things.”
Wetting my lips, I study Jaxon and the way the corner of his lip is caught between his teeth. He worries it as he watches the two of us. Jaxon and I have gotten to know each other well in the last couple weeks. He’s nervous. And I guess I understand why. I’ve tried to keep my thoughts about what Logan has said about Jaxon separate from the Jaxon I know, but I think maybe that’s been a mistake. I probably should have forced the issue and made one or both of them be straight with me way before this. Perhaps now is the time to make that move.
Before I can say anything, Jaxon shakes his head, gripping the back of his neck. “Never meant to hurt you, pretty girl.” He appears remorseful, but his usage of the pet name he has for me rubs me the wrong way, just like Logan calling me baby had moments before.
