Page 16 of This Is Love
His words register, and I manage to mumble, “Who got picked to go in with you?” Some really happy girl, I’m sure. I simply can’t keep my eyes open a moment longer, and as I tumble into blissful sleep, I could swear Jaxon chuckles.
9
LOGAN
There’smusic coming from somewhere, and I grumble, only half awake.Fucking Levi. I attempt to shift my pillow over my ear.What the hell.He never uses an alarm. My brain is fuzzy as hell, and…Wait, why can’t I move the pillow? A low groan claws its way from my chest and up my throat as I attempt to wrench it where I want it, but it won’t budge. When my eyes blink open a moment later, I understand why nothing seems right—not the firmness of the mattress, not the scent of the sheets, not the fact that there’s music drifting from an unknown source.Fuck. I expel a harsh breath as the truth washes over me. I’m in Jaxon’s room.
The sound of gentle breathing coming from my left has me tensing ever so slightly.Correction, Rya and I arebothin Jaxon’s room—and all three of us are in his bed. I lift a hand and scrub it over my face, letting the events and emotion of the last twelve or so hours wreak havoc on my muddled, fatigued brain. Everything comes whipping at me with the ferocity of a hurricane bent on destruction. I lie still for several seconds, attempting to rein in my thoughts, but it’s no good. The fewhours of sleep I managed are simply not going to be enough to deal with what’s coming my way today, I’m positive about that.
A moment later, my mind can’t help but travel backward, logging every bit of bullshit that’s transpired—half of which I’ve brought upon myself, like a fucking idiot. I let out a low groan, allowing it to drag me under, swamping me with the harsh truths and fucked-up-ness of it all.
First—and the absolute worst—some unknown predator tried to hurt Rya. Yet, through the trauma of that and the subsequent trip to the hospital, she’d been more worried about other things—namely her relationship with me… and keeping this incident from her parents.
I get it, but at the same time, I kinda don’t. I’ll go along with whatever she wants—even if they’ll flip the fuck out should they find out we kept it from them. Her father loves her, but he expects a lot from her and anyone she associates with. She’s his perfect daughter, and I’m well aware she is close to buckling under the pressure of it. This? I wager he’d be pissed to discover what she’s been up to… not to mention unhappy with me for allowing anyone near her.
As for her need to discuss our relationship in the middle of this mess, it was probably something else she was using to distract herself from what was going on around her. But I still felt bad that she was so unnerved and apologetic at a time when she should only have been thinking about her well-being. I glance down, liking the feel of her soft body pressed to mine. She’s tucked under my arm, her warm cheek resting against my rib cage. I really hope we can get back to being us, but I’m not dumb enough to think our relationship hasn’t changed. It’s my hope that we can weather this storm, but that’ll depend on a lot of factors. Like Jaxon and whatever the hell is going on between them at this point.
I let out a sigh. Speaking of my stepbrother… last night, he’d been really good with Rya, all things considered. I don’t know what flipped his shit, but the minute he came back from getting coffee, it was obvious from the odd glint in his eyes that something wasn’t right, though I haven’t a clue what it could be. I hesitantly peer past Rya to study him. Despite the alarm going off, he’s lightly snoring, one arm tucked under his head, the other wrapped around Rya. And yep, that’s the back of his hand, resting against my hip. I suppose it was inevitable he’d end up touching me, too, with the way we’re sandwiched on this bed. I’m suddenly very aware of his skin on mine. And that one touch takes me right back to the supply room in the hospital.
Thinking back, things hadn’t truly gone haywire until I pointed out he’d been spiraling since the day we met. And then boom. Flashover. His lips on mine. His pants down. His dick in my hand. His grunts and groans echoing in that dark room.
That dick dragged me in there with him on the pretense of talking about how I was handling things with Rya and—Fuuuck. A hard swallow works its way down past the lump in my throat. What we did in there, it’d come out of fucking nowhere. Was I a convenient distraction? I chew on my lip for a second. Did I somehow instigate it? Because I kinda took control of things at one point… hell, I had to because I needed to know how far he’d go.
For fuck’s sake, the man let me play with his asshole. And that was after he’d already swallowed down my cum at the frat house like a thirsty motherfucker. No completely straight dude would allow any of that, I don’t care what bullshit he spouts. He’s been trying to make it seem like every encounter between us has been a way to fuck with me. But it sure as hell hasn’t felt like that as of today. How would taking my dick in his mouth or letting me finger his ass be messing withme? He already knowsI like dudes. That isn’t in question. Everything he’s done lately says more about him than it does me.
I scrub my hands over my face.Dick. I swear he loves to mess with me. After we nearly got caught fucking around, he went off on me yet again. And what did my dumb ass do? I responded to his taunting by telling him Rya and I had sex. I didn’t say it in so many words, but oh my fuck, I couldn’t help myself. The smug look on his face had been more than I could take.That’s what you get when you lob potshots at me, motherfucker. I don’t think he believed me until he looked me in the eye. Then he’d been confronted with the truth… he knows it happened, which means he’s certain to find some way to use that against me. Because why?Oh right. Because he’s Jaxon, and I’ve apparently ruined his life by existing.
The shitstorm hadn’t even ceased with that. Instead, it continues to rain down on us. Rya will eventually ask who went into the closet with Jaxon when he took her place. How the fuck do we even begin to explain that? She’s not an idiot. We told her what the game was like… and even if we hadn’t, there are plenty who witnessed the debauchery. It’d been nothing short of a miracle when she’d fallen asleep right as I thought we’d have to confess. We’ve been given the slightest reprieve, but it’s sure to be short-lived. I don’t have any fucking idea what to tell her.
Hey, Rya. I know this is going to sound really fucked-up, but my stepbrother and I don’t have any issues fucking around with each other—in a physical sense, that is. We’ve got some sort of a love-hate relationship. Just thought you should know we’ve been sucking each other off.
After that, I couldn’t fall asleep for anything, especially knowing Jaxon was awake on the other side of Rya. Hence my bad fucking mood and the tormented thoughts already flooding my mind today. Fuck.Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Frustrated, I carefully push up far enough to reach over Rya and swat Jaxon in the chest. His brows furrow, and he lets out a breath that sounds like a sigh before opening his eyes. They’re unfocused at first, but after blinking a few times, he grabs his phone and turns his head toward me, his brows still pulled sharply together. “The fuck, man,” he intones, his voice scratchy with sleep.
“The alarm’s been going off for like five minutes,” I murmur, keeping my voice low so as not to wake Rya.
He squints at the screen while jabbing at the button to stop the alarm. “We’ve got twenty minutes before we gotta be at the field. Fuck.” His gaze shifts to Rya. “We let her sleep?”
“Yeah. She’s exhausted. We can make sure she’s up when we get done with warm-ups. If I know her at all, she’ll insist on running through her choreography today to prepare for the audition.”
My proclamation is met with several seconds of silence before he finally bites out, “Fuck. This might be the one time I agree with you.”
I tip my head to the side. “How so?”
“Dance issonot fucking important right now,” he groans. Glancing at her, he shakes his head, then whispers something that sounds like a heart-wrenching plea. It’s an endearment he’s used for her countless times in my presence.Pretty girl.
My lips pinch into a tight line as I studymyTiny Dancer. “She wouldn’t be Rya if she didn’t want to go through with the audition. She’ll definitely push herself to practice today.” Hopefully, she’ll be okay, and we can begin to put this behind us. It might even do her good to go about her life and get back to her usual routine.
On an exaggerated exhale, Jaxon eases out of the bed, then ducks into the bathroom. When I hear the toilet flush and the sink run, I get up and wander over to the partially open door,then nudge it open. Jaxon’s staring stonily into the mirror while brushing his teeth. His hair is a wild mess, thatches sticking up all over his head.
“Do you have an extra toothbrush?” I mumble, not wanting to leave Rya with him to get my own.
His eyes flick to mine, meeting in the reflection of the mirror. He waits a beat, then reaches for a drawer, gesturing to a few toothbrushes still in the packaging.
“I’ll replace it.”
Shrugging, he mumbles, “Whatever,” around a mouthful of bubbling toothpaste as he picks up the tube and holds it out to me.
