Page 18 of Duke
“But why?” Her lip trembles. “Why do this to yourself?”
“You don’t know my dad.” He lets out a frustrated puff of air. “And you don’twantto know what he’d do if I was a no-show.”
“No, I’m guessing I probably don’t. But I also don’t understand why you’d put yourself through this when you’re clearly in pain. You could stay home. Deny your father his ‘sure thing’ for once. Tell both him and your coach you have a violent stomach bug and just fucking stay home for a week. Forget the damn fight. Forget practice this week. Rest your arm. Give yourself a motherfucking break for once, Gid.”
“Lennon…” I grit out, urging her to stop her tirade. We don’t have time to explain this to her now, but if only she had a better understanding of the way our fathers work. What’s acceptable and what’s not to them… and what the consequences are when we don’t meet expectations. It’s paralyzing. It’s nerve-racking. And it’s our life. Because when we’re expected to live by a code that values blind loyalty, unconditional obedience, and dirty secrets, everything is… complicated. We were born into this. And at the moment, we’re stuck. Going against their wishes, flying in the face of what they expect… it’d be—and I hate to sound alarmist in my own head—one-hundred percentdangerous.My own father doesn’t hesitate to slap me around. Derek hasn’t physically harmed Bear in such a way that I know of. He knows his son has been capable of knocking him on his ass since the age of sixteen, so he’s become a master of manipulation. Devious and wicked.
I glance to my side, taking in Mason’s expression. I see it in his eyes, he’s having much the same thoughts. As for him, he hasn’t done more than talk to his father on the phone in years, but somehow Murdock maintains the tightest of tight leashes on both his sons. The damage he did to Mason during the time surrounding his wife’s death and the way it still affects Mason to this day is telling. I don’t remember Murdock that well because we were only eight when he got put away for Lily’s death, but I remember being intimidated. I almost wet my pants one time when he yelled at us for accidentally putting a football through a garage door window. Motherfucker is mean. I can only imagine what it’ll be like should they actually manage to spring him.
Bear scrubs his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Then, with an air of false calm, he picks up the water and the pills. “I wish I had the luxury of being a no-show, but that’s not going to work.”
“Even though being involved in the fighting ring, if anyone found out, would end your career?” She chews on her lip as she studies him. Lennon’s concern is absolutely valid, and in an average situation, I’d be in full agreement with her. But nothing about our fathers or the life we live is normal. Not a goddamn thing. “I don’t think it’ll surprise you to know that I don’t have an ounce of respect for any of the people the three of you call father. They’re selfish old men who don’t care who they step on to get what they want. They’ll go to any lengths to have their way. And the thing is, you’d think, as their sons, they’d treat you better, that you’d have a leg up or something. But they don’t. They justdon’t.”The strength and determination in her voice is impressive, her anger justified.
Mason reaches over and squeezes Lennon’s thigh. “You don’t have to respect them. But you do need to be aware of the trouble they could cause us. The hell they’ve already brought on us, just by being our fuckin’ sperm donors. They would stop at nothing to take everything we hold dear. Bear’s football career is just one example.”
I look up, my gaze boring into Bear’s hazel eyes. “Do what you need to do, man. It’s your call.”
“Wait, can I say one more thing?” Lennon catches the corner of her lip between her teeth and swipes a few fingers under one of her eyes. “I will support you, whatever you want to do, whether you tell your dad to fuck off or choose to step into that ring tonight.Pleaseknow that. Voicing my opinion has nothing to do with whether or not I’ll be here for you. I will be. We all will.”
Bear nods. “I get that. Appreciate it.” He takes a deep breath, looking between me and Mason, then throws back the pills in his hand, uncaps the bottle of water, and takes a swig, washing them down. “I’ve made it this far, I’ll finish it. I need to get through football season, then it’ll be easier.”
“Will your dad ever let you stop fighting?”
“I don’t have an answer to that. I really don’t.” He clears his throat and looks down at his watch. “We’d better get going and hope to fuck this stuff kicks in before I have to get in the damn ring with the guy from Sigma Iota Nu.”
Mason hisses through his teeth. “Itwouldbe that fucker tonight of all nights.”
Bear holds out the prescription bottle to Mason, who takes it from him as he stands. He flips it into the air, then catches it. “I’ll bring them. Just in case.”
“I don’t want to take any more than I have to. I really fucking don’t.”
I rub a hand over my face. “Bear…” There’s so much more we really should discuss with him.
He unfolds himself as he stands. “Nope. Don’t. I need to concentrate on the fight. Can we do that?” He flexes his fist, checking his hand. “Fuck.”
Mason presses his lips together. “We’ll ice it on the way over. You’re gonna be fine.” He nods his head, and I know he’s thinking the same thing I am. We’ll keep repeating that until it’s the truth and we’re all right back here together.
Lennon takes a deep breath. “I’ll round up a couple bags of ice.” She’s already turned on her heel and has started out of the room when Bear calls out to her.
“Little Gazelle, come here for a sec, w-would you?” His eyes and the catch in his voice betray the worry he feels.
Her brow furrows, but she comes back, standing before him, confusion marring her face.
With a huge sigh, he cups her cheek. “I’m sorry. I know you’d rather I didn’t. And for the record, I’d sure rather stay right the fuck here with you and these two assholes”—he pauses as a hint of a smirk lifts to lips—“than step one foot into the ring tonight, injured, healed, medicated, in withdrawal or otherwise. But this is something Ihaveto do. This is how I keep my asshole father’s wrath from coming down on our heads. I just need to win this one, then I’ll figure out where I go from here.”
She gives him a hesitant smile, but a moment later, she’s pressing up on her tiptoes and brushing her lips over his before whispering, “You mean wherewego from here.”
“We’ll get through it.” Mason steps into Lennon’s side and puts his hand on her back, tugging her close to him.
I complete the circle, wrapping an arm around Lennon and resting a hand on the bicep of Bear’s uninjured arm. “Yeah,wefuckin’ will. Together.”
ELEVEN
LENNON
Mason drivesus to the warehouse like he did the first time the guys took me with them to a fight. I may not have been completely ready for what fight night entailed the last time I was here, but not only am I aware this time, I’m going in fully prepared to kick a little ass. Those OG Bastards will be present. That’s a given. I don’t like the way they treat my guys or me. I may have been through a traumatic experience or ten since arriving at Bainbridge Hall… but every time I recover, I’m stronger. And I’m a pro at compartmentalizing things, so everything that’s hurt me is locked away tight right now. Those cringey, old assholes had better fucking watch themselves, or they’ll find out what Lennon Bell is truly made of.
Duke halts us at the door while Mason takes off with the SUV to park it in the deck across the street. “Same plan as last time. I’ll stake out what’s going on in there. Then I’ll come back for you when all’s clear.” He cocks one ear toward the building. “Sounds like a rowdy-ass crowd tonight, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less out of them.”
