Page 26 of Bear
FOURTEEN
MASON
I knewwhen I came out onto the balcony there was a chance I’d get an eyeful of whatever Lennon and Bear were up to outside. Gotta say, I fucking love the way she simply owns whatever she’s doing. Rubbing my hand along my jaw, I watch how he’s got her kneeling on the seat, bent over the back of it. She’s hanging on for dear life, and every time he plunges that big dick of his inside her pussy, her mouth drops open and her eyes roll back. I can hear her low moans and whispered cries from here. She’s the embodiment of rapture. It’s fucking fantastic.
I grip the balcony railing, a low rumble of a groan escaping my lips.Fuck.It’s like watching wild animals straight out of a motherfucking National Geographic mating special. Totally hot. And the fact is, Bear needed her. And Lennon deserves— Well, from the little bit I’ve learned about her upbringing, she deserves to have whatever makes her happy. Because the more I learn about her, the more I’m convinced she hasn’t had the easiest life. It wasn’t good before her mother married Tristan Valentine, and it wasn’t great after they wed either, but for very different reasons, the worst being a stepfather who seems to hate her. So yeah. She deserves happiness.
My tongue slides out to wet my lips as my mind circles back to the way I treated her last night. It was bad, I know it. But I’m unconvinced I’m doing the right thing by letting her see inside my head, letting her climb inside my heart. If I were smart, I would keep pushing her as far from me as I possibly can. It only seems logical to not let her in any further than I have, not let her experience what it’d be like to really know me. I’m losing my mind when it comes to her, though. I’m so caught up in her. Lost. She says she understands me. Sheseesme. I draw in a breath. I see her, too. I do. The connection we have, while potent and heady, it’s also scary as hell because Ihurtthe ones I love.
Hell, I can’t even handle my own shit—the evidence of that is currently imprinted all over her skin. So it seems like a dangerous prospect to allow this thing between us to go any further. Butfuck.I want to. The terrifying part is that when I had my hand around her neck, I hadn’t been in control. I’d let myself slip. Lose it. And like I told her during our sick little heart-to-heart, I don’t want to hurt her. But I might. And that’d be the end of me, I think. I’d go out of my ever-loving mind if I were to do to Lennon what I did—
I squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t want to think about my mother right now, don’t know if I can bear to tell Lennon any more than I already have. What I shared with her this afternoon had taken it out of me. I’d put on a brave face, a mask to hide what I was really feeling, because I knew it was important to support Bear. But yeah, at this point, I’m fucking drained.
I can’t focus on me right now, though, and knowing I have other shit to attend to, I pivot and leave them to it. I chuckle quietly with a shake of my head and shut the door behind me.
For some reason, I’ve told myself I’m capable of dealing with Duke’s Juliette freak-out. There’s no doubt in my mind with the way he took off that he’s wallowing in memories and regret and thoughts of vengeance. But he might also be remembering what’d happened the first—and only other—time I tried to help him on the anniversary of her death.
I let out a harsh exhale as I hurry out of my room and directly across the hall. Lifting my hand, I rap my knuckles against his door. “Duke, man. Open up.” It’s useless. I knew that before I knocked, before I opened my mouth.
The only thing I’m rewarded with is his silence. I’d tried to talk to him through the door when I first got up here. Then I’d pounded on it. But no go, not to any of it. Not even so much as acknowledgment that he knew I was out here.
But he knows. For sure. He’s simply choosing to ignore me.
On one hand, it’s obvious he’s not in a talking mood, but on the other hand, what kind of fucking friend would I be if I saw him that upset and just let him drown in it?
Which is why I’m going to pick this fancy-ass lock he had put on his door over the summer. It’d taken me a minute to find the tools that I knew were somewhere in the trunk in my closet, but now that I have them, it should be a simple thing to get in there. He’s going to be fucking pissed.
And I don’t fucking care. I know Duke, and he’ll go off the deep end without someone to talk him down, talk him through it. It only takes me a minute of messing around with the lock-picking tools before I hear things click into place. With a smile, I stand and twist the knob, throwing the door open in dramatic fashion.
I pause on the threshold, taking in the scene before me. Duke stands at the window looking out over the front lawn of the house. He’s shirtless, wearing only a pair of jeans, and his arms are braced over his head as he stares out into the dark.
He turns his head as I enter the room, his intense gaze sliding toward me. He shakes his head without a word.
Clearing my throat, I murmur, “Don’t know when you started underestimating me; but you know if I get something in my head, I’ll make it happen.”
“No shit. And now that you’re here, get the fuck out, Mase.” He throws his well-muscled arm toward the door, welcoming me to take my exit.
I slowly shake my head. “Yeah, no. That’s not happening.”
“I don’t need or want you here with me right now. I want to be alone with my thoughts.” His jaw twitches and pops. The muscles in his back are rigid. That coiled tension will let loose with one wrong move.
Or fuck.Maybe it’d be the right move. To push him hard enough that he unleashes every bit of built-up anger inside him. “No. The last thing you need right now is to drop into a spiral of unending sadness and self-pity.”
He turns to me, blue eyes blazing. “What the fuck’s wrong with you? Do you not understand basic fucking human emotion anymore? Are you so goddamn damaged that you can’t understand why I might not want to be with anyone right now?” His chest rises and falls rapidly. He throws his arm out again, this time in the direction of the attic. “As if you don’t hide away on a regular fucking basis. You get all rage-y when anyone dares set foot up there. And yet, you won’t give me this?”
My heart clenches hard, like it’s being gripped in a vise. “We’re different people. You’ve never done well on your own, Duke. You get all up in your head. You never let anything out. When I’m up there sketching, I’m letting it out.”
“You think I’m going to fucking fall apart if I’m alone, but let’s face it—I’ve never done so hotwithpeople either. Especially notyou.”His expression is hard as he stalks toward me, a deep line etched into his forehead and a mad scowl slipping over his features. When he reaches me, he slaps his palms against my chest and pushes me backward as hard as he fucking can.
He’s strong, I’ll give him that, and I stumble momentarily, but don’t give up any ground. My heart trips, too, thrumming in my chest at his proximity, at the angry way he’s assessing me. An annoyed, close-mouthed smile tips my lips. “Nice. Look, I didn’t come to talk about us, asshole. Funny how that’s what you automatically divert the conversation to, though.”
Duke steps so close I can feel each of his breaths as he stares into my eyes, furious temper heating his brilliant blues. We remain unmoving for so long I’m not quite sure what the hell is running through his head, which is odd because usually I have his number. That’s why it’s so easy for me to fuck with him.
I cock my head to the side, taking another few moments to study him with the same intensity he’s scrutinizing me.Except, ha.Yeah. Now I know what’s ticking around in his head. I’ve pointed it out to him, so he’s not going to be able to stop thinking about it. I quirk my brow at him, knowing full well that it infuriates him. And frankly, I’d rather have him pissed off at me than in devastation mode from feeling Juliette’s loss all over again.
I slick my tongue over my lower lip, and his eyes drop to my mouth, following the movement. I can’t help the smirk that finds its way to my lips. “You wanna push me around some more, Duke?” I shrug nonchalantly before I grit, “Go right fucking ahead.”
We’re just about the same height so the only intimidation factor he has is that he might outweigh me by like fifteen pounds. But as we established yet again upstairs in the attic, I’m meaner than he is, and if I see something I can use to my advantage, I damn well will.
