Page 36 of Cannon
And still, he doesn’t speak, doesn’t give me a hint as to what he’s feeling, as if nothing I’ve said matters to him at all. My chest caves in, squeezing the air from my lungs, and my eyes crash shut as pain lances through me. I turn, rushing the rest of the way up the stairs to escape the silence before all the conflicting emotions crashing around inside me bring me to my breaking point.
I hear him thundering up the stairs and down the hall behind me. He’ll overtake me before I’ve gone more than a few paces, I’m aware; yet I keep going.
Sure enough, his arms band around me, and my feet leave the ground as he pulls my back to his chest. For a few moments, I struggle, twisting my body, but he only tightens his hold on me. It doesn’t take long before I let myself go limp in defeat.
His lips skim the edge of my ear. “Sorry… foreverything.” And with those three gritty words pulled from the depths of him, an ache inside of me is soothed. I got through to him.
I nod, trying to control the way my heart beats way too fast when I’m near him. “I’m sorry, too. For looking when I had no right to.” I shrink in on myself, cringing. “And for forcing you to talk to me. I—” He can’t see it, but my lips tremble. I’ve already decided—there’s no way I can tell him that I researched his meds. He can come to me with that information if and when he’s ready.
In the next breath, my eyes crash shut.Fuck.What am I doing? Here I am wanting him to trust me enough to share something private with me. As if there’s any chance of this relationship going anywhere. I inhale steadily, then pat his forearm. “Let me go. I need to look at you.”
I feel him nod, and he loosens his hold on me enough to let me turn around, but not quite letting me go. I steel myself. “I’m participating on Sunday. I won’t let you guys dictate whether or not I do. It’s my choice.Mine.”I wet my lips, my eyes searching for any sign that he’s angered by my declaration.
Cannon grips the side of my neck with his big hand and lowers his forehead to mine. He stares steadily into my eyes, drawing in a breath before giving the barest of nods.
“Are you on my side?”
He grimaces, shifting apart from me, yet keeping hold of my neck. My pulse is wild under his thumb. Conflicted feelings etch lines onto his forehead. I can’t really blame him for feeling torn, nor does it surprise me. But that doesn’t make it any less disappointing.
I wrench his hand from my neck and straighten my back, forcing my chin up. My jaw locks as my resolve strengthens. I bite out, “You know what? It’s fine. I came into this brotherhood alone and never expected anyone to help me. I can handle this initiation process on my own.” I turn my back on him and walk away, hoping every bit of strength I have is showing. Because on the inside, I’m beginning to fall apart.
* * *
Several hours later,there’s a knock on my door, and I groan loudly. There’s none of Cannon’s signature thumps on the door, so I have to assume Kingston or Archer.
I’m wrong.
Dane stands in the hallway with a cautious look on his face. “Hey. Can I come in a sec?” He pushes his glasses up his nose with his fingertip. It’s an endearing gesture.
We’ve exchanged a fewhellosandhow are yous, as well as a “thanks for the chem notes,”but I haven’t had a chance to speak to him alone since that night when he told me he wouldn’t rat me out to the guys for catching me in Kingston’s room. Dane is a nice guy, and I’d love to spend more time getting to know him—especially since it seems like we’re stuck in a similar position in this house. Like he knows things he can’t talk about, just like me. I nibble on my lip and nudge the door open farther, then back up, allowing him to enter.
“You okay?” He cocks his head to the side as he comes in and shuts the door behind him.
I shrug, crossing the room to the plush chair near the windows on the far side of my room. I sit down and draw my legs up, curling myself into a ball. “Long, weird day.” I gesture to the other chairs. “Sit with me.”
He smiles, his chocolate brown eyes twinkling as he takes the chair across from me. “How have you been? Keeping up okay with classes?”
“Yes in chem and calc.” I heave out a troubled sigh. My head aches after all the crazy earlier today, and I bring up one hand, rubbing the center of my forehead. “No in lit and history. I’m scared about falling too far behind.” I work my jaw back and forth. “But I don’t know what else to do because Kingston said he didn’t want me back in classes. And… his word is law, I guess.”
“Well, I can help with lit, if you need me to. I assume you haven’t been able to read much, so maybe I could talk you through some of the works you’re supposed to have studied?”
I bite down on my lip, my eyes flicking to his. “You’d do that?”
“Sure.” He looks down at his hands where they’re laced together. “And I bet Kingston would help with your history class, if you needed. Trust me, he can drone on about pretty much whatever historical topic you throw at him.”
My brow furrows. I wasn’t aware of that. I press my lips together, nodding. “He’s probably frustrated with me right about now.”
He clears his throat. “Okay. I don’t know what to say to that, but… the guys asked if I’d relay to you that you’re to be dressed for the event at Bainbridge Hall tomorrow night no later than nine thirty. So, if you’re going out with us, he can’t be that frustrated with you.”
My brows shoot up, and my mouth drops open in annoyance. “I know you’re the messenger and have nothing to do with it—” I make a hard face. “How is it that I can go to some stupidparty,but they don’t want me to participate in The Games the very next night?” I blow out a hard breath. “That’s kinda dumb.”
Dane chuckles roughly, glancing around the room. “You can tell me to shut up if you want.” He pauses, shrugging. “I mean, you did suffer a concussion less than a week ago during the last game. Maybe they’re trying to ease you into being around people and doing stuff again.” He shrugs and lifts both hands in a classic I-don’t-know gesture, softening it with a wink. “I don’t think they’re trying to piss you off on purpose or anything.”
“I was mostly mad that they were talking behind my back about whether or not to let me continue.Letme.” I cross my arms over my chest.
Dane eyes me, tilting his head to the side. “They’re worried about you. Archer, in particular, seems to think you should make your own call on it.” He waves awkwardly around the room. “Hey, Archer. I thought I’d put a good word in for you, man.”
Realizing what he’s doing, I snort at his antics, and lean forward, swatting at his arm.
