Page 61 of Kingston
Kingston has continued to be standoffish. Cold. Except when he thinks I’m not looking and then his eyes are hot on me. I can’t count the number of times I’ve looked over my shoulder to find him watching me. And no sooner do I spot him than he forces his gaze away. The episode outside my English class was meant as a show of possession, nothing more. It’s clear—he’s the leader of this trio and gets his way more often than not. What kills me, though, are the moments when I can see past his rough exterior. It’s in those snapshots of him that I wonder what it would be like if he let me in—but the second he gives me a glimpse of his true feelings, he pulls back, hiding them behind a rigid mask of his own making. I know I’d never survive falling for Kingston.
Of all three guys, he’s got me the most twisted up. And as for his escalating pattern of brooding behavior, Cannon and Archer have both told me not to worry about it, that whatever is going on in his head will right itself soon enough. I don’t know if I buy it, but they’ve been good at keeping me distracted, which is probably part of some grand master plan.
One thing’s for sure, I never intended to have sex with any of them, but now… hell, I don’t know which end is up or if I’m supposed to feel badly that I’ve been with all three of them in one way or another or— I grit my teeth, unsure of everything. These guys are changing me, and it’s becoming more and more difficult to find the line between the real me and the act I’m putting on. Am I losing my real identity in the journey to find out what happened to Will? Or are these boys unearthing a side of me I’d yet to explore?
Things have quieted the last few days, almost like the calm before a storm. But which storm am I supposed to be preparing for? Something to do with Will? Or is it more that the guys have thrown me off, distracting me from what’s to come? I feel unsettled. Like I should be doing… something. But I don’t know what. So for now, I’ll muddle through, I guess.
I sigh and turn the page of the chemistry textbook Dane and I have between us. We’re spread out over a good part of the dining room table with notebooks and laptops all over the place. Most of our notes and things are online, but I still like a good old-fashioned textbook sometimes. And if I’m going to drop two hundred bucks on one, I’m going to use it. I flip another page, scanning over the section we’re working on. “How are you coming along with that?” When Dane doesn’t respond immediately, I nudge him with the eraser end of my pencil.
He grunts, shaking his head. “I think I’m getting it. Thanks for explaining it in normal-person language.”
Our chem professor has a bad habit of teaching over the heads of ninety-five percent of the students in the class. It’s not a wonder people hate Chem 101 if this is how all university profs function.
“Anytime. We’re working together, right?” I shoot him a wink.
“Yeah.” He hesitates. “Is it bad if I only memorize the steps in how to get the answer and don’t actually understand what any of it means? Like I don’t get why we’re bothering to do what we’re doing.”
My lips twitch into a smile at the disturbed look on his face. He continues to stare down at his notebook, working through the problem. “Not if you don’t intend to go any further with it, I suppose.”
“Fuck no. Like I told you. Just get me through this.”
“I will. No worries. We made a deal.” I glance up to see Bridger giving me a hard stare as he and the juniors shove their way noisily into the kitchen. I quickly look away.
“You never did say anything to anyone about Bridger, did you?”
“Nope. I didn’t see the point. I won.”
Dane grits his teeth. “True.” I can tell from the look on his face, he wants to say more, but he doesn’t, and a few more minutes pass.
The honest truth is Bridger couldn’t have had anything to do with the events which led to Will’s disappearance last year because he wasn’t here, so I’ve tried not to let his foul mouth and angry attitude bother me—not even when he almost screwed me over the first night of The Games. I can’t afford to rock the boat any more than I already have, because I don’t want anyone to have any new reasons to make me leave. I’ll endure whatever I have to—but how the hell am I going to get anywhere, that’s the question. No one else would have been able to infiltrate the brotherhood. And no matter what it costs me, I’m doing this forWill.
I stew for several minutes as my pencil flies over my notebook paper, making quick work of our assignment. Finally, I set my pencil down.Fuck it.“Can I ask you about something that’s been bugging me?”
He glances up. “Yeah. I need a break, anyway.”
I smile. “I’ll help you finish in a minute. I swear it’s just a curious question I’ve had in the back of my head.”
“Shoot.”
I stare into his calm brown eyes behind his glasses. “Um. What happened to the other guy?”
Dane frowns. “Other guy?”
“The other sophomore. Did he drop out or what?”Play dumb.
I swear, Dane’s eye twitches in response to my question.
A boisterous argument erupts behind us over who ate all the Pringles and a whole lot of fussing ensues about there being nothing else worth snacking on in the pantry. I roll my eyes, and quietly continue, “I’m nervous about the rest of The Games leading up to the trial. Seems like they might get harder.” I shrug like it’s no big deal. “I wondered if you were allowed to say what happened. Or if you knew him very well.”
He wets his lips, staring down at the chem book before mumbling, “Um, he couldn’t hack it, I guess.” With a clearing of his throat, he begins to pack up his things. “I’m going to do the rest of this in my room, I think. Maybe take a nap before tonight.” He looks pointedly at me. “You should rest now, too. You might not get any sleep later.”
I blink, taking in everything he’s said. One, I’ve struck a chord. Panic coats his features, and I’m so damn disappointed, because I think he knows something. Or maybe he simply doesn’t want to admit to the new initiate that one of us went missing last year. Likepoof.
Two, the last bit about sleep was a warning. Not a threat because I don’t believe Dane has much to do with The Games, other than observing like he did last time. But he’s been through it, so he knows what’s coming. Shit, maybe I should be grateful because I know he’s not supposed to tell me anything about The Games.
About thirty minutes later, I clear my things from the dining room table and head upstairs to rest like Dane suggested. Only, when I get to my room, I stop dead in my tracks the moment I open the door. There’s another note on the floor.
I scoop it up, unfold, and read. My face blanches at the fiercer tone.
