Page 54 of Kingston
I frown. At least I think we do. Because now this girl is in our midst, messing with my head and wreaking havoc on the way we do things here, especially with the way she’s wrapping my brothers and me around her little finger.
I sail down the stairs, through the house, and out to the back patio, slamming the door behind me. Fuck.Fuck.Fuck!
No sooner have I started pacing the lawn with my fingers interlocked over my head than all three of them—Elliot leading the way—come charging out into the backyard behind me.
Exasperated, I roll my eyes and hold out a hand, palm out to stop them. Elliot’s completely disheveled. She managed to tug on her shorts and tank top, but her hair is a mess, tresses falling out of the bun on top of her head. I don’t know what it looked like before Cannon started in on her, but thrashing around on the bed has made it all kinds of wild.
My eyes flick to my friends. Cannon’s expression is hard and wary, while Archer’s is more understanding. He’s always more receptive to what I have to say than Cannon is. Of all of us, Archer is the one with the coolest head. Cannon and I are more alike than not, both of us wanting things our own way. Pig-headed. And if I had to guess, I don’t think he was happy with the interruption. I have no clue how much further he was going to take things with her or what she’d have allowed. But I’d be a hypocrite to say they can’t do whatever they want with her. I fuckin’ did.
That’s partly what has me so goddamn screwed in the head in the first place and has made my usual spiral infinitely worse.
Elliot throws her arms out from her sides in exasperation, her eyes boring into mine like she’s trying to see inside my head. Her jaw clenches for a second, then she lets loose on me. “Kingston, you’ve been treating me like absolute shit ever since the other night. A cold motherfuckingasshole.I lashed out at you and hit you because you were so damn cruel to me.Youstarted this.” She bites her lip, stepping closer despite my hand still being out. “And now you’re givingmethe cold shoulder? Like I did something wrong. Well, fuck that. I’ve done nothing.”
I can’t handle this—her—right now. I can’t talk to her about why I reacted the way I did. Not this week. Not when looking at her reminds me of what I saw there in the bathroom the night we fucked. The scarring on her thighs can only mean one thing. She cuts. Just like Juliette had. Nothing looked recent, but from my experience with my sister, I know. I know how goddamn delicate a line some people walk with needing—or wanting—to give themselves the release that comes with slicing into skin. Juliette said it reminded her she was alive. She confided in me that it gave her a reason for her pain. A physical representation of her suffering. Something she could see and touch, not just feel. It gave her control.
The muscle at the back of my jaw twitches. Does Elliot feel the same? Is she on the verge, and we’re going to push her so hard she’ll snap? Guilt swamps me, heavy and thick. My voice sounds raw as I rasp out, “Cannon, I’m going to need you to be the savior she sees you as and take her the fuck away from me.Now.”
“But—” Elliot stops short, her fiery dark eyes connecting with mine. She presses her lips together, frustration bleeding from them. “Fine. Whateveryouneed, asshole.” Cannon looks like he’s going to blow a gasket, but he does as I ask, puts his hands on her shoulders, and steers her toward the patio door.
Once I’m sure they’ve gone inside, my focus shifts to Archer, who makes no secret of the fact he’s trying to work out what’s going on in my head. His eyes are on me like a laser, probing the deep recesses of my brain.
I turn on my heel, walking across the lawn, not headed anywhere in particular, simply hoping that increasing the distance between Elliot and me will help. Archer knows me well enough; he won’t be offended I’ve turned my back on him.
But no matter how far I go, it doesn’t seem to help. I stop when I get to the creek at the back end of Hawthorne Hall property and stare into the trickling water. Sitting down at the edge, I brace my forearms on bent knees and scrub my hands through my hair.
A yawning chasm has opened in my chest. If I could reach inside, I’d tear my heart out so I can’t feel anymore. I don’t want it beating in there. Because each and every anguished thrum reminds me I’m alive and my sister is not. And now I’m worried for Elliot, too. This girl who never should have been here is worming her way into my every thought, and it’s making me crazy. I want to fight with her, fuck her.Protecther.
My fingers tighten and pull at my hair because if I can just make myself feel a tiny bit of the pain Juliette did—and maybe what Elliot feels, too—I could help Elliot so she doesn’t end up like my sister. I rock forward, a ragged, awful sound escaping me. I can’t fucking breathe. I can’t—
At the crack of a stick breaking on the ground behind me, I glance over my shoulder to see Archer approaching with a bottle of my favorite honey whiskey. The way he carries himself is casual, but I know for a fact he wouldn’t be here unless he was concerned about my state of mind. I return my gaze to the babbling creek, glad there’s tree cover to keep the sun from pounding on me. Still, though, it’s hot as fuck. I pull my shirt off and drop it next to me before resuming my brooding stare off into nothing. I fuckin’ hate feeling like this.
Archer drops down beside me, shrugging out of his suspenders and unbuttoning his shirt. “You might have to fan me. It’s hot as balls out here.” He takes a swig directly from the whiskey bottle. When I reach for it, he pulls it to his chest. “You think I brought this all the way down here to share with your sorry ass?” Despite the fact he knows I’m in a state, his eyes twinkle with mirth. Sometimes his comedy act can pull me out of a funk. Not this time, though.
I growl, snatching the bottle from him. “You better have. Considering I bought it.” I tip the whiskey to my lips and take several swallows before I hand it back to him. We go on like that for a long time, me with my eyes locked on the moving water before us, and him with a keen side-eye trained on me.
With a sigh, Archer finally changes positions to face me. “Are we talking about what’s bothering you, or are you hell-bent on being a brooding motherfucker?” He rubs his jaw as he studies me.
Archer has always been the one I could talk to about more sensitive issues. Shit I didn’t want to admit to anyone else, I’ve told him. Family stuff. He and his dad don’t exactly see eye to eye either, though for vastly different reasons than the problems I have with my old man. We’ve shared some tough shit, all the same. And then there’s Juliette. He and Cannon were there to support me on the first anniversary of her death. The truth is it was probably the first indication of how strongly the three of us were bonding that year as initiates. They’ve been there for me every year since.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, taking the bottle again for another swallow. Planting it firmly between us when I’m done, I shrug, shaking my head with a fake smile. “Same problem I always have this time of year.”
He nods. “Yeah. And no one expects you to get over your sister’s death or anything like that. But Elliot—she doesn’t know.” He draws in a deep breath, letting it go as he pulls his shirt off the rest of the way. “Sorry, it’s fuckin’ hot.”
“She doesn’t know because I don’t see the purpose in enlightening her. I’m not ready to bare my soul to our initiate, no matter how good her pussy is.” Any other words I could say catch in my throat where I swallow them down. I wish I’d never fucked her. Being with her was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, like she saw me. But if we hadn’t gone there, I wouldn’tknowabout her problems—and I wouldn’t fucking care. Now, I’m burdened with one more person’s secret to keep, and the weight of it is so heavy, I wonder if this time I’ll finally break.
Archer picks up the whiskey again, eyeing me as he chugs some down. He stops, licking a drop from his lips. “Dude, I’ve been watching you the last few days. It’s almost like you’ve got something against her specifically; some reason why you’re pushing her so hard away from you. It was bad at the beginning, but way worse now. This has gotten fuckin’ messy real fast. Worse than I anticipated.” When I don’t bother responding, he continues. “You weren’t wrong, you know. Cannon sees himself as her protector. He’s fought with you once over her already. He won’t let you hurt her. His possessive streak is ten miles wide where she’s concerned.”
Exasperated, I pick up a stick out of the grass and whip it across the creek. “I’m not trying to hurt her,” I grumble.
He squints his eyes, his focus narrowing on me. “You aren’t trying to… but youare.And it’s stupid because I know deep down you like Elliot. You admire her lady cojones and love it when she can take whatever you dish out. You probably respect the hell out of it, in fact, not that you’ll tell her anytime soon.” He chuckles softly, “Hell, it’s obvious you get off on her smart mouth. And it goes both ways. That fire between you…” He groans as he shakes his head, then shoots me a wink. “It’s something else, bro.”
I press my lips together, considering what he said. “You might be right.” I draw in a breath before exhaling hard. “Archer… I’m not ready to talk about why she works me up so badly.” I let my head bow as I stare at the grass. I can’t spill her secrets. I won’t. “And Juliette”—I shrug, my eyes slamming shut—“well, I’m just not dealing very well.”
“It’s okay, man.” He claps a hand to my shoulder. “We’ll figure it all out.” When I don’t respond, he squeezes gently. “K. You know you can lean on me, right? For whatever.”
Ihateappearing weak. And as the head of this house, I can’t. But in these quiet moments with my friend—my brother who knows me so well—I’m in real danger of breaking down. The pressure in my chest is suddenly so great, I’m terrified I’m going to lose it. I take several deep breaths and swallow hard before finally nodding. “I know.”
TWENTY-NINE
