Page 22 of Sweet Punk
Adrenaline rages through me, tremors racking my body. I need to make sure she knows this isn’t her fault. My chest jerks as I right myself and try to breathe normally. “It’s not—” I scrub my hands through my hair. The concern on her face, the confusion… it’s almost too much for me to take. I rasp, “This? This isnotyour fault. And I’m so fucking sorry.” I begin to back away on unsteady feet toward my room, anguish filling my heart and making me ache.
“Kellan…” Her voice quakes. She’s definitely trying not to cry. Her eyes slam shut and her lips tremble. She takes in several deep breaths before her eyes flick open and pin on mine.
I shake my head, slipping into my room. As I shut the door, I hear her clear as day.
“Someday you’re gonna trust me enough.”
TWELVE
STAR
It’s been days since Kellan kissed me, and I’m still reeling. It wasn’t a little peck, either. It was all heat and tongue and want, and I couldn’t get enough. That kiss had been building for a while, whether either of us wants to admit it or not. We were insatiable. I’d wanted the scorching sweetness to go on and on because it was everything I wanted—like maybe he was coming around to the idea that I’m someone he could be with, someone he could see as more than just the girl who lives across the hall. And everything was great. Until he pushed me away again. Literally this time. It’d happened so fast it made my head spin.
At least this time, he didn’t go allBro, give me a high five, and slap my ass as he shoved me out the door.No.He said he was sorry. And I know now how important an apology is to Kellan. But damn, it may have been easier to take if he’d brushed it off as meaningless again.
That’s not what this had felt like, though. I’d gotten a terrible sense that he’s trying to protect me from something. Or maybe protect himself? I don’t know.
He’d revealed a few things while he sketched that have me questioning who he is and where he’s come from. Because from the outside, he looks perfectly normal. Good-looking, talented son from an affluent family, going to school at a prestigious university.
But there are little things that don’t add up. First, there’s the way he’s terribly quiet and withdrawn, unless he has something to say. Then, some of the things he said about his family’s dynamic—it’s really off. It seems like he’s the black sheep of their little family. And finally, there’s gotta be some sort of physical intimacy issue. He’s nervous to get close to me. And it’s confusing. He’ll let me touch his dick. He’ll kiss me. But the second my hands came into contact with his upper torso, it was a no-go. That area is completely off-limits. And the poor guy had been absolutely mortified by his reaction. I’d seen the pain that resided deep in his eyes. It’d made my heart clench, and I’d wanted to weep. I’d stayed up all night worrying about him and continued to pretty much ever since.
I don’t know if he heard me as he walked away, but someday he’ll trust me enough. I won’t push him, though; he’ll need to come around on his own terms. And I’m not so dumb that I don’t realize I have my own boatload of crap to deal with. I purposely didn’t tell Kellan about Milo when we were sharing about our families. I couldn’t. I’m terrified he’ll want to know more, and with the way Milo has always reacted to people who get too close to me, I know it’d be bad.
I want whatever this is with Kellan. And that’s a big problem.
“So, what do you think of that plan?” Raven nudges me, and I’m pulled back to the present where we’ve been waiting for our psych class to begin. Raven’s inquisitive gaze is locked on me. Lux leans forward when I don’t answer and cocks her head to the side, her gray eyes full of amusement.
Oh, shit. I’ve been in la-la land the entire time they’ve been discussing plans for this weekend. I close my eyes for a brief second. “I was, uh, I was thinking about something else. Repeat, please?” I shoot them a closed-mouthed smile.
Raven laughs. “Oh, man. You’ve been totally in another world. Ever since Friday night.”
“And holed up in your room again, too. You can be honest. Did something happen with you and Kellan? You’ve both been acting so weird.” Lux bites her lip. “Are we wrong? We stopped in the guys’ suite before we went to bed on Friday, and Kellan was in one helluva mood. He mentioned you sat for him. Like he sketched you or something?”
I blow out a breath through pursed lips. We still have ten minutes before our psychology lecture starts. “You guys can’t say anything.”
Both of them sit up straighter, and Lux puts her hand over her mouth for a second before blurting, “Oh my God. We’re right?”
“I mean it. This is like a girl thing. You can’t talk to Hawk and Maddox about this because… well, you know.” I bite my lip as they nod and urge me on with hand gestures. “He did use me as a model. And then we got to talking… and he told me some not-so-great stuff about his family. The guys may know about that, I don’t know.” I let out a hard breath. “And then… he kissed me.”
Raven lets out a little squeal and claps. “I knew it. That’s great.” But her face falls when she notes my lack of reaction.
“It’s not great?” Lux eyes my confused expression warily. “He’s a little prickly. Like a porcupine.”
“The kiss wasreallygood. But the minute I tried to touch him, he shut down.” I rub my hand over my forehead and wince. “Oh, man. I shouldn’t have told you that.”
“We won’t say a word, promise.” Raven frowns and pats my back.
“I’m confused. And it’s not exactly the first time he’s made me wonder what on earth he’s thinking, either. So it’s a little frustrating.”Hello, pot—meet kettle.I know full well my actions confuse the hell out of everyone, too. I chew on my lip, eyeing both of my friends. They’re quiet, letting me have my say, which I appreciate. “It’s entirely possible he’s got things going on that I’m not prepared for.” I exhale loudly. “I’ve gotta pee before class starts. Watch my bag?”
In the bathroom, I stand at the sink, attempting to collect myself. I didn’t actually have to go. I just needed a minute to think. Maybe I shouldn’t have hinted that I think there might be something wrong. I let out a sigh and shake my head. That was probably dumb. I dig in my pocket for my ChapStick and stare at my stupid self in the mirror while I apply it. I can’t take it back now, so I’ll have to deal with whatever happens. Maybe I need to make it super clear that they shouldn’t bring anything up. Both Raven and Lux know Kellan pretty well, if only because they’ve spent more time in the guys’ suite than I have. I hope they won’t say anything.
Down deep, I know it doesn’t matter if Kellan has something he’s keeping from me. I want him, all the same. That kiss sealed my fate.
My phone buzzes a couple times, and I pull it from my back pocket. Frowning, I note that class starts in one minute before I glance at the texts.
Lux:Come back quick.
Lux:Raven’s freaking out.
