Page 43 of Beautiful Nightmare
“We don’t want to betray his trust in us, you know?” Kellan shrugs, eyeing me warily. “He’ll be back Monday.”
I inhale sharply and nod. “I get it. I just wanted to talk to him. We’ve spent so much time fighting and—” I stop, my face turning bright red.
Their brows raise.
“Let’s just say that my feelings where Hawk is concerned are confusing, and I have every right to feel that way.”
“You can say that again.” Maddox rumbles. “I’m going to hit the speed bag. This mess makes me want to punch something.” He disappears into his room.
These guys definitely know something that I don’t. It leaves me shaken. Quietly, I ask, “How is he here, Kellan? How is it even possible? I feel like I've been losing my mind ever since I got here and saw him.”
Kellan works his jaw back and forth. “I wish I could tell you. If it helps, I think he’s as fucked in the head about all of this as you are.”
TWENTY-FOUR
HAWK
I stiffen the moment Lux appears in bio on Monday morning. The dark circles under her eyes are a testament to what kind of weekend she’s had while I’ve been away. And here I thought leaving might help her—correction, might help both of us. I’ve been all up in my head the last two days. I thought going home would be a good idea, maybe I’d be able to sort through everything, but it’s been impossible to get her off my mind. Especially now that we’ve had sex. And even more that I’m sure there’s more to what happened prom night than Landon let on. I’d gotten a cryptic text from him that night… and then he was gone. With nothing else to go on, I spent a lot of time building up my hatred of Lux, wondering what went down that night, but blaming her all the same. Because my brother told me via text moments before he died that she was crazy. Not to trust a word that came out of her mouth.
But now… I’m questioning everything. I love my brother, but the truth is, I don’t know how well I really knew him after we spent four years apart.
I watch her come up the stairs, then inhale slowly as she takes the seat next to mine. “Hey,” I whisper. The word comes out choked and awkward.
She bites her lip in the way she does when she’s nervous, her eyes meeting mine from under her lashes. “Hey. Did you have a good weekend at home?”
“It was fine. My parents weren’t home. Drove back early this morning. Didn’t want to miss class.” I feel myself clipping my answers, and I hate it. I hate this small talk. It’s for shit. There’s a weight on my chest. I need to tell her. I want to tell her. But I don’t fucking know how. It’s going to fuck her up. I know it. Focusing on the lecture, I make every attempt to put the girl beside me out of my head.
And it doesn’t fucking work. It never works. I’m caught up in her. Lost. I want to dig inside her heart and never come up for air.
Toward the end of class, Lux whispers, “Did you see we’ve been assigned a partner project that’s due Wednesday?”
I look at her from the corner of my eye. “Yeah. I saw it go up on the Chalkboard app over the weekend. I don’t think it’ll take long.” I heave out a sigh. “Meet me in the library at seven, and we’ll knock it out.” I don’t want to do a fucking project with her. I want to figure out how to explain to her what I’ve done. And tell her I’m so damn sorry.
She swallows visibly. “Hawk, I know things got weird. I’m sorry.”
I turn my head sharply to face her. “No. Don’t say that. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the asshole. You deserve better. I’ll see you later.” Class over, I shove my things into my bag and storm from the room.
When I glance over my shoulder, she’s standing there with the most bewildered, sad look on her face. She’s confused. Rightfully so. But I’m not ready to talk about my suspicions. Or confess what I’ve been doing to her.
* * *
At eight,Lux and I are in the library together, just finishing up with the project. We haven’t talked more than is necessary. And I can tell from her body language that she’s shut down to a degree, trying to protect herself from whatever shitstorm she senses coming her way. She’s not wrong to think like that. This is all my fucking fault. I’m the asshole. I tormented her when she never deserved it.
She glances at me for about the tenth time in two minutes. “I think that should do it.” Giving me a tight smile, she continues. “If you’re satisfied with what we did, I can upload it now.”
I blow out a breath. “Yeah. Go ahead.” I pause, studying her. “You never have mentioned—how are you in such a high-level biology course? You’re a freshman.”
“Oh.” She shrugs. “I guess it was from the two years I spent studying from home. I took a lot of dual enrollment classes that got me college credits…”
I wince. “To occupy your mind, I’m guessing.”
“Yep. Something like that.” She nods and wets her lip.
“And I assume you’re looking to major in something in the science field?”
She blinks a few times, hesitating. “Um. Yes. Neuroscience. I became interested… you know, after the coma and all.”
The coma my brother put her in.Fuck.At every turn, I’m reminded that his actions had major consequences on more lives than his own. The question is what really happened that night? Guilt swamps me. Clearly, Lux has been suffering for two years, ever since the crash. This smarter-than-hell girl missed out on her final two years of high school. She never returned after the accident.Oh, Landon, what did you do?
