Page 11 of Beautiful Nightmare
It seemed like overnight, I had a lot of unwanted attention from everyone who was part of the in crowd at school. I hadn’t been ready to hear some of the hurtful things they’d said about me. None of it was true. Here I was, this girl who paid more attention to her math than her makeup, who’d rather play putt-putt than go to a party—and no one knew what to think of that or why Hawk was so interested in the first place.
From the girls, the gossip was mostly that I wasn’t good enough for him, and what could he possibly see in me. I’d been so sad when Evie told me about the bitchy assumptions that swirled like a cyclone around the girls’ locker room the week before the dance.
From the guys, the chatter was more along the lines of a fascinated curiosity I’d hear whispers of in the hallways. They wondered what I was giving Hawk that other girlshadn’t. They assumed I must be an easy lay. A really,reallygood fuck.
The truth of the matter was I didn’t know why he wanted me. What the girls were saying made me feel inadequate. And as far as the guys… well, I know for a fact I wasn’t “giving” Hawk anything special. Not knowing how else to handle it, I let everyone think what they wanted.
Maybe when it all began Hawk really had wanted me for me. But once everyone had an opinion about the two of us… well, that was pretty much the beginning of the end. I’ll never know, but I wonder if pressure from those surrounding us had led to the choices he’d made the night of his senior prom.
I rake my teeth over my lip, remembering. I never knew someone so beautiful could be so fucking ugly.
As I let my mind drift, I lose track of time. When I next glance at my phone, it’s after midnight.Shit.I hadn’t meant to stay out so long. I simply needed to be alone and away from the one person I thought I’d only ever see again in my nightmares.
I groan aloud, fully aware that my disappearing act is going to invite even more questions from Star and Raven. Especially with what I’d told them right before I’d taken off.Can’t wait to explain something I don’t have a grasp on myself.
With a reluctant sigh, I stand, brushing off the backside of my jean shorts, and begin the long walk back to the dorm. As I hurry along, I realize what an incredibly bad idea it is to be out by myself this late. At the meeting earlier today, the resident advisors were very specific that we should always use the buddy system if we were going to be out on campus at night. And as lame as that had sounded at the time, now I get it. It’s dark, and there is literally no one around. In fact, in my upset, I’d walked to the most remote area of campus. There isn’t much foot traffic here at all.
Crack.A sudden noise from behind me, like a twig being snapped in half, has me jerking around. I continue to walk backward, scanning the area, not wanting to waste time in getting to my dorm. Blinking and squinting in the dark, I look around, but don’t see anyone or anything that would have made that noise. My heart races as I spin back around and pick up my pace, regretting my choice of flip-flops instead of sneakers. Sweat trickles down my back and collects under my breasts. I’m on edge.Oh, God.Is someone following me? Or is it all in my head? Why? Why am I like this? I thought I was ready. I thought I was stronger. My heart beats so hard, I feel the pounding rhythm in my head, and my breathing is low and shallow.Shit.I’ve got to get back to the dorm, back to my emergency meds, before I have a full-blown panic attack.
Off in the distance, some guys enter their frat on my right, and there’s a couple walking hand in hand over the bridge on my left. Surely, nothing could happen to me if these people are around.Right?Someone would hear me scream.Just keep going.
There’s another noise behind me, and I turn again as I pass the bridge, slowing to take another account of who is in my immediate vicinity.What the fuck?I could have sworn there was someone right behind me. But in the dark, with all the trees, I can’t see jack. And now I understand where Shadow River University got its name. At night, this area near the river turns into a shadowy, nightmare-inducing setting. A shuffling noise behind a tree grabs me by the throat. It’s probably just a squirrel or mouse or something but… there it is again.Oh hell no. I’m outta here.
I pivot, then go down hard as I trip over my own feet on the uneven surface. My heart stumbles right along with my body, and I land on my hands and knees, one of my flip-flops no longer on my foot. I wince as I scoot around to snatch it up, my breaths ragged and out of control. I push myself off the ground, flip-flop in hand, and I run.
“Hey! Are you okay?” A female voice calls out to me—I think it must be the girl who was walking with her boyfriend.
I shoot a furtive glance over my shoulder at the pair but don’t stop moving. What am I supposed to say? I’m acting like an idiot because I have a tendency to have panic attacks, and I thought someone was following me?
Back at the dorm, I stop right inside the main door and look down, wincing to see my knees are all red and grass-stained and my palms are more of the same. Nothing awful, but if I had to guess I’d say it’s not going to feel great in the morning. I’ll probably be stiff and maybe even bruised.
“Looks like you did a number on yourself.” My heart surges painfully upward into my throat and lodges there at the sound of the familiar voice. “What’s wrong, Lux? You look like the devil was chasing you.”
I stare at Hawk in shock.How did he…?I blink. “Stop.”
A few girls who are sitting a short distance away glance in our direction.
“Come on. Don’t be like that.” He rises from the sofa he’d been sitting on, bringing himself to his full height. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he gives a gentle shrug of his shoulders.
Even though I’m not exactly short, he positively towers over me. And he has way more muscle than he used to. It pisses me off that I’m even making those observations. I want nothing to do with him.
He clears his throat as he eyes me. “We should talk, don’t you think?”
More calmly than I would have given myself credit for thinking I could be, I murmur, “No. I don’t think so. The last time we were together you said plenty. You did enough damage to me to last a lifetime.”
He cocks his head strangely as he studies me with those gorgeous hazel eyes of his—the ones that’d sucked me in and made me give him a chance in the first place. The ones that made me melt, made me fall for him. The same ones that darken when he doesn’t get his way. I remember. “Whatever you say, Lux.”
I walk away to head up the stairs, but I can’t resist. I stop, looking down at him. “Got your note, by the way. And I don’t know what thefuckyou could possibly blame me for.”
“No? I guess I’ll have to remind you, then.”
My brows draw together. I don’t understand. “Remind me?” My fingers grasp a lock of hair, desperately concentrating on its texture, in an effort to calm myself.
He closes the distance, coming up a few steps until we are nose to nose. Until I’m breathing his breath. His words wash over my lips like some sort of venomous kiss. “You ruined everything, Lux. You know you did.”
Incensed, my jaw sets and my eyes blaze. “How? How exactly did I do that?”
Even after what he’d done, I’d protected him. Because he wasdead, and I didn’t see what good it would do to blacken the memory his family would have of him. I’ve held everything inside all this time, never saying a goddamn word. I’ve let what he did destroy me from the inside out. He ripped my heart out and mangled it, crushed it between his two hands. And this is what I get.
