Page 33 of Beautiful Nightmare
I’d slipped the prom photo in her bag on Friday toward the end of class—before any of the stuff went down between us this weekend. Before I held her in my arms. I figured she’d already found it, but I guess not. Great timing. I grit my teeth. I fuckin’ hate the stranglehold she’s developing on my heart because it goes against all the rage that’s built up inside me.
I eye the photo, then shift slightly so I can look at her. Her face is pale, but the red blush is quickly rushing up from her chest over her neck and into her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I put that there before—”
“Don’t lie.” The professor still has ten minutes to go in class, but Lux is jamming her things back into her bag at lightning speed.
I frown. “What are you doing?”
“Leaving.” She picks up her bag, slaps the pack of spearmint on my desk, and scoots out of her seat.
She’s attracting a ton of attention as she flees, including that of the prof.
Working my jaw back and forth, I know I need to go after her. I grab my shit and follow.
“Lovers’ quarrel?” Professor Swift chuckles as I race down the stairs. I don’t stop to answer, simply throw him an apologetic smile over my shoulder. At least it seems that we haven’t pissed him off with our hasty departure.
That’s the only good thing about it, though. My chest is being hammered at by the pounding of my heart as I burst into the hallway. I don’t know which way she went. Exhaling hard, I turn my head just in time to catch a glimpse of purple to the left. The bathroom. I break into a run, and the door to the women’s room swings shut as I come around the corner. Without a care as to who could be in there with her, I throw the door open.
There is, indeed, another girl at the counter putting on lip gloss, but when she sees me, her eyes widen, and she grabs her book bag and races past me without so much as meeting my gaze. I must not be hiding what I’m feeling.
Which is what? Frustration, mostly, with a side of pissed off—at myself.
Lux hasn’t looked up, but it’s as if she senses me behind her. “You shouldn’t have followed me.”
“I had to. There’s something about you, Lux.” I lightly skim my palms from her shoulders down her arms. “I know you’re mad, but—”
She flinches and pulls away from me, her body held rigid. “No buts. Of course I’m mad. And I’m all torn up on the inside trying to figure you out. Trying to understand. But you’re making it fucking impossible. And then that photo. I swear to God. All you want to do is keep stabbing at me, keep inflicting all these wounds that will eventually leave me so scarred I won’t be able to function.”
I blink, disturbed by the conviction in her voice. My chest clamps down on my heart. “I meant for you to find that photo last week. Would you turn around and look at me?”
I wait an interminable amount of time before she finally pivots, then backs up, resting her butt against the counter. What I see in her eyes slays me.
“Do you want to hurt me, Hawk?” She blinks up at me.
“Saturday night… when I couldn’t find you? I thought I’d die. I was so fucking disappointed in myself for leaving you with that guy. I knew you were in trouble. And because I couldn’t handle watching you with anyone else—”
She wets her lip, staring into my eyes.
“I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. The urge to find you, protect you, overrode everything. And I know I’ve been a dick, sneaking into your room and messing with your head. But that night, I had to be there. Couldn’t stop the overwhelming need to make sure you were okay. So, please believe me when I say that you finding that photo today was unintentional. I feel like shit for doing that to you.” I lean in, placing my hands on the counter on either side of her hips, and lower my head until my forehead lightly touches hers. After that confession, I might be on the verge of breaking. I release a ragged breath. “I’m sorry.” I stare into the depths of her gray eyes, seeing for the first time all the damage I’ve done to her. “I’m so fucking sorry,” I rasp.
Unable to handle hearing her response, I ease away from her and leave without a backward glance.
EIGHTEEN
LUX
Early Tuesday afternoon, I decide to grab a quick bite in the dining hall between classes. Sometimes I go back to the dorm because I have two free hours but… maybe it’s time I started actually talking to and getting to know other people. I do really like Raven and Star, but we’ll have all year to live in each other’s pockets. And there’s the added complication that I might run into Hawk if I go back, and… I don’t know what to say to him right now. I’ve spent way too much brain power trying to figure out what was in his head yesterday, and I need to focus on my classes right now.
My Spanish 231 class has just let out and is pretty easy. After taking the next level, Spanish 232 next semester, I’ll have satisfied the foreign language requirement and never have to take any of these classes again. Thank God.
After the break, I have Psych 150 class—another liberal arts requirement. And damned if that one hasn’t started messing with my head. Lucky me, we’re actually going to be studying the effects of PTSD. I feel like telling the professor I’ve already freaking got a degree in PTSD and can I please opt out. I roll my eyes as I pull open the heavy door to the dining hall. At least I can write that final paper from real-life experience.
That also happens to be the one class that Star, Raven, and I are all in together. Should make things interesting. But then again, it’s not like they aren’t familiar with a good portion of my issues at this point. I simply don’t want them to treat me any differently if they have deeper knowledge of what happened to me. I don’t want them to look at me asPoor Lux.I’d rather be Lady Lux or Lucky Lux or Lux the Lush or any number of nicknames they’ve thrown at me in the last couple weeks.
Swiping my card through the machine at the entrance, I give the lady a smile. “Thanks.”
Inside, I grab a tray and begin a circuit of the circular building, as has become my habit. I begin to fill my plate and before I know it, I have a portion of lasagna, a piece of garlic bread, and two cookies. Even though I see some other stuff that looks good, I figure that’s plenty for lunch and head for one of the empty tables.
“Lux!”
