Page 52 of All Night with the Cowboy
“Can I kiss you goodbye?” he asked, suddenly feeling like he needed permission to touch her, to press his lips to hers in the same way he’d been doing whenever he wanted to while they were away.
She smiled, her nod barely noticeable. Tanner took the few steps separating them and bent to place a single kiss to her lips, hesitating, their mouths connected for all of two seconds. Tears trickled down her cheeks and he raised a thumb to gently brush them away.
“Goodbye,” she murmured. “Call me if you need me.”
“I’ll miss you, Lauren,” he whispered.
She held up her hand. “Me too.”
He stepped back and watched her go, one of the drivers waving her over and opening the rear door of her car.
It was over. They’d had fun, but it was back to reality now. Lauren Lewis was firmly in his past again. And he didn’t like it one goddamn bit.
***
Lauren sat in the car, grateful that the driver had the dark tinted pane up between the front and rear seats. She tipped her head back and swallowed down the choke of emotion in her throat, eyes squeezed shut tight as she tried to stop the tears from freefalling down her cheeks as pain cloaked her.
Seeing Tanner standing there, feeling that final, lingering kiss, knowing it was over again when it had never really even started, was rough. Tanner had been her firstlove and he may always be her biggest love, as well as her biggest regret. She regretted finishing things with him when she loved him so deeply all those years ago, even though she knew it had been the right thing to do, and she regretted going back and giving in to temptation all over again.
Tanner would always be her weakness—and for a girl who hated not being in control and being any kind of weak, that was a hard pill to swallow.
She was going back to work in a few weeks, and once she was focused on her team and her job again, she’d be able to move on. She’d be too busy and too exhausted to dwell on what could have been. All she needed was to get through the next month.
A silent, shuddering sob erupted from deep inside of her and she stuffed her fist to her mouth as she buckled forward, struggling to breathe as emotion consumed her. Why had she put herself through this? Why had she ever said yes to treating the one human being on the planet who affected her like this?
She cried and cried, wiping frantically at her cheeks only for more tears to fall. Lauren sucked back gulps of air, as if her lungs had been deprived of oxygen, as if she was on the verge of a panic attack.
She just needed to get home. She needed to crawl under the covers and hide from the world, sleep for a day and stay in her cocoon until she was ready to brave life again. Tanner was gone. She wasn’t going to see him again and no amount of crying was going to change that.
She’d survived losing him before and she’d survive again. The only other option was to die of a broken heart, which meant that she was only allowed to wallow for a few days at the most before pulling herselfup by her boot straps and putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually the pain would heal to a deep thud inside of her that she could keep hidden away, that only she would know about. After all, she’d managed to live that way for years, so it was going to be hard but not impossible.
Lauren rummaged in her bag and found some tissues, blew her nose, wiped at her cheeks, and dabbed her eyes until she felt human again. Once she was cleaned up, she stared out the window and watched the world pass by, turning so her cheek was against the seat. Fiji was already a distant memory, and the sooner it disappeared from her head altogether the better.
She quickly picked up her phone and tried to keep it together.
“Hey!” Casey answered after the first ring.
“Can I come over?” Lauren asked, holding her breath before bursting into tears again.
“Wine or hot chocolate?” Casey asked.
Lauren gulped. “Just a shoulder to cry on and a sofa to curl up on.”
“Love you,” Casey said.
Lauren wanted to say the words back, but she couldn’t get them out. Instead, she hung up the phone and cleared her throat, pulling herself together enough to tell her driver the change in address.
Chapter 17
Two Weeks Later
“LAUREN, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you so…”
Lauren paused, staring across the street. She forced herself to take a sip of her cappuccino.
“What?” she asked.
“So blue.”
