Page 14 of Christmas in Paris
“She walked away when Ashley was just a baby. Complained that she’d lost her figure for nothing, had a baby for nothing.”
Simon stared, perching on the edge of the bed so that he could look down into Ray’s face. He fought for himself for a long moment. He had told himself that he wouldn’t get involved more than he already had, but it was like his mouth opened, and he was saying the words before he could stop them.
“Do you think she got pregnant on purpose?”
Ray sighed and rubbed at his eyes, and Simon hesitated, but only briefly. He did have a heart, no matter how much he tried to protect it, and he lay down beside Ray on the bed and slid his arm around him, pulling him close and encouraging him to cuddle.
“Who knows?” Ray gave a little shrug and then buried his face in Simon’s chest so that his next words came out mumbled. Simon could understand, though. “I love Ashley. I don’t regret having her.”
Ray didn’t say the wordbut. He didn’t need to. Simon heard them loud and clear, and he shook his head and pressed his lips against Ray’s temple, giving him a light, but chaste, little kiss there. Ray had given up his life for Ashley, and Simon could tell that he, honestly, didn’t regret it. But it didn’t mean that Ray wasn’t aware of the life he’d missed out on.
“What about you?” Ray asked, and Simon looked at Ray’s profile, almost getting lost for a moment in admiration. But Ray was still speaking. “Why are you so dead set against relationships? Is it just not your style?”
Simon frowned, and for a moment he considered just making some excuse. Or even flat out saying that he didn’t want to talk about that. But Ray had shared something very intimate, and Simon found that he didn’t want to dishonor that.
“It was my style. I’m just picky. It took me a long time to find Nick, and I thought he was perfect. Gorgeous, smart, friendly, and for some reason, interested in me.” Funny how it still hurt so much to talk about this. He tried to make his voice calm and matter of fact, just recounting what had happened with no emotion, but he wasn’t sure how well he did. And he didn’t dare to look into Ray’s eyes at the moment, so he couldn’t read anything there.
“So what happened with this Nick?” For just a moment, Simon could have sworn that he heard just the faintest trace of jealousy in Ray’s voice, but, of course, that was ridiculous. Ray had made no secret of his lack of interest, and it was going a bit far to think that Simon was going to be the one to change his mind.
“He cheated on me. I walked in on him when I came home unexpectedly in the middle of the day with a headache. He was in bed, and not alone. I suppose it had been going on for years.” He closed his eyes, feeling the ghosts of that long-ago headache pulsing just behind his eyes. “I was supporting him through school. It was one of his professors that he was sleeping with.”
“Wow. I’m sorry. What an asshole,” Ray said, and he seemed to mean it. He seemed to be on his side. It had shocked Simon, the number of people who had talked about how there must have been something going on, maybe Simon hadn’t been emotionally available enough. Maybe Nick had just been starved for attention.
Like that made a difference? Cheating was cheating, and Ray, at least, seemed to understand that.
“Well, that’s why I’m single.” And that was another thing that a lot of people didn’t understand. Because the thing was, Simon didn’t know how to give himself to someone else and not give all of himself.
“Okay,” Ray said, and then he shifted beside Simon, and it was Simon’s turn to feel the sweet press of lips against his temple. “But you know, every guy wouldn’t cheat on you. You don’t have to give up yet.”
With that, Ray settled down beside Simon, and it was only a few seconds until his deep breathing told Simon that he was fast asleep. But even though Simon was not only tired but also deliciously worn out after that intense shared orgasm, it took him a much longer time to surrender to sleep.
Because the fact was, Ray’s statement would have just made Simon roll his eyes if it had come from anyone else. But because it came from Ray, Simon found he couldn’t dismiss it quite as easily.
He couldn’t say what he wanted to say. Which was, of course, that he might be willing to consider giving it a try. But with Ray. Only with Ray. But that was nothing but temporary insanity, doubtless brought on by the incredible sex.
Sex was all that this worked as. The moment it became or even started to become a relationship, it would become impossible for so many reasons. He had to keep that in mind.
Chapter Eleven
Ray
The sun wasn’t even up when Ray opened his eyes. He had never been all that great at getting up early in the morning, but ever since he’d come here, he was going to bed earlier and waking up earlier than he ever had in his life. At least willingly. It was strange, and he didn’t know how long it would last once he was back home, but for now, at least, the novelty was interesting.
This particular morning, though, Ray found himself happy—really, truly, happy. It wasn’t like he was such a miserable, depressed guy normally or anything like that, but he also wasn’t the sort of person who greeted the dawn with a smile. For the most part, getting up had usually just meant trying to force himself to go to a shitty job that he hated.
But there was no shitty job that he hated now. There was nothing but a day of excitement and adventure with people that he liked. He was living in a good dream right now, and he had to admit that he owed that all to the man in bed beside him.
That was still a bit strange to think about, but not, Ray found, bad. In fact, it was starting to seem more and more normal every day. He was attracted to a person, and that person just so happened to be a man. It wasn’t the big deal that he might have thought it would be.
For the first few moments that he was awake, Ray just looked at Simon, smiling a little as he watched him sleep. Their relationship had changed quite abruptly, but there was no regret on his part. He had wondered if he would like it, if he could even get into it at all. He knew now. The answer to both questions was a resounding yes.
When had the last time been that he had just watched someone sleep? Other than Ashley when she was a baby, of course. And then it struck him that that had been the only time ever. He had never had that level of intimacy with a lover.
Simon stirred in his sleep, rolling from his side onto his back, the sheets tangled around him but still showing off a great deal of his body. Once, he would have sworn that he would never find any man beautiful, but he had been proven very wrong. The moment he saw that little sneak peek of torso, he was hooked, his body instantly starting to react.
Almost hungrily, Ray followed the line of that torso down. The way the sheets were arranged, there was just a little flap that preserved the other man’s modesty, and he grinned wickedly as he reached out, snagged the fold of sheet, and pulled it aside.
He glanced up at Simon, but the older man was still asleep. That made this a little bit less nerve-wracking. He was glad that he didn’t have an audience when he did this for the first time. Of course, if not for the night before, he never would have done this, but he had the idea that Simon wouldn’t mind.
