Page 30 of Christmas in Paris
“If you’re thinking about that hotel girl,” Ashley said wisely, thus proving that she couldn't read minds, “then you could always try it out. Maybe she could move here. I know it’s hard because you’re citizens of different countries, but I bet you could make it work.”
For just a split second, he considered her words. Not about the pretty hotel owner, of course, but about Simon. What if Ray went to him and told him that he wanted more than just a fling? That he wanted to give this a try?
But then he remembered something. Every single time that Simon had pushed him away, Ray had been the one to try to get them back together again. How pathetic was he, anyway? How many times did he have to be told that he wasn’t worth getting involved with before he got it through his thick skull?
The kiss, the first time, that had been him. And the second time. And then he’d almost dragged Simon back to bed after Nancy Bradford had shown up. Enough was enough.
“No. It’s over, kiddo,” Ray told her, his voice heavy. If he could make her believe it, maybe he would believe it himself. Part of him still hadn’t realized that he wasn’t going to head up to bed and find Simon waiting there for him. His body craved him, like some illicit substance, and somehow he had to break that addiction.
“It’s late,” he said quickly, because she was opening her mouth and looking stubborn, which were always signs that it was time to derail this conversation because she could be as tenacious as a bulldog once she got her teeth locked into a subject. “I’m tired. I’m going to head up to bed.”
“Dad!”
Ray paused because she was going to get the last word. There was just no getting around that. It was better to bow to the inevitable, and hope that she was content to let him go once she’d had her say.
“I mean it. Don’t give up. It might seem hard right now, but you’ve pulled through worse before. You’ve got this.”
She walked past him and patted his shoulder soothingly on the way, heading for her room. He watched her go and wondered how on earth he’d had anything to do with creating such an incredible, perceptive, compassionate girl. No, young woman.
She was right, too, he supposed. Not in every detail, but one thing was clear. It was time to move on. Build a life for himself. Figure out who he was and what he wanted. It had been so long since he’d thought about it.
One way or another, though, there had to be a life after Simon. There just had to be. There was no other option.
Chapter Twenty Two
Simon
The only good thing he could say about the situation was that at least they didn’t leave him to stew for too long.
They could have left him a whole week to wait and wonder what his fate was going to be. It was a little bit like being blindfolded in front of a firing squad, having no idea when it was all going to happen, but knowing that it would. A whole week of that would have been a particularly cruel form of torture.
As it was, they only left it for three days. They were three days that seemed to go on forever, and three endless nights where he was lucky if he grabbed a few hours of sleep at a time. He should be doing things, preparing for classes, probably. But at the same time, what was the point? He didn’t even know if he still had a job.
On the second day, he caved utterly. If only he could get Ray to agree to see him again. He knew that they could never have a relationship, that wasn’t Ray’s style, but maybe Ray would come and hold him in his arms. They didn’t even have to have sex. Simon knew that he would sleep with Ray there.
So he texted Ray. It was a very restrained text, he thought. It just said that he missed him and would like to see him if Ray wanted. It was pathetic, but he thought that the text didn’t show that too much. He fretted about it, checking his phone about a thousand times an hour, but there was never any response. That said something, right?
When his phone rang on the third day after getting back, though, it had to be said that Simon grabbed it like a starving man given a sandwich, hope flushing through him, which made it that much more cruel when he saw that it wasn’t Ray’s number at all, but his boss.
Not like he hadn’t been waiting for that call, too. He took a deep breath, trying to get himself together enough that he could behave professionally, no matter what she said to him. He certainly didn’t have to make things worse for himself, if that was even possible.
“Hello?” he said when he was sure that his voice would come out steady. And it did. He sounded, he was fairly certain, completely normal, even if he was anything but.
“Simon,” his boss said, her voice weary and somehow resigned. What that meant, Simon wasn’t entirely sure, but it probably wasn’t anything good. “I would like to ask you to come in for a meeting.”
“When?” he asked, resigned. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what it was about, and he wasn’t going to claim that he didn’t. He was already in trouble, but he would be damned if he would make it worse by trying to lie about it.
Besides, what had happened with Ray had been something very special to him, almost sacred. He wouldn’t dishonor it by acting like it hadn’t happened.
“Right now,” she replied, and Simon closed his eyes and focused on just bringing his breath in and out as smoothly as he could. It was either that, or he thought that he might scream his head off. “As soon as you can get here.”
Simon agreed, and there had been a feeling of doom following him around ever since Nancy had caught him and Ray kissing. It had just been a matter of time. Well, the time had come, and all he could think of to do was to face it with as much dignity as he could muster up.
* * *
It seemed to take forever to get to the school, which was funny because it also felt like he was there in the blink of an eye. As calmly as he could manage, he parked his car and walked into the school, which was strangely dead and empty-feeling.
Maybe it was the last time he would walk through these doors. How strange would that be? It didn’t seem entirely real to him, and maybe that would help him get through it. It provided a sort of numbing effect, so it was possible that would keep him from screaming and running through the halls like a lunatic when they gave him the bad news.
