Page 29 of Christmas in Paris
So, without another word, Simon turned and left. There didn’t seem to be anything else for him to do. The affair, the time of magic in Paris, was all over. It was time to accept that and try to rebuild what he could of his life.
Chapter Twenty One
Ray
It didn’t get any better from there.
The car broke down again, and they had to get a cab home because they had too many bags to deal with public transit. Actually, that was just an excuse. It had been a long trip, and he wanted to get home as soon as possible, even if it did wipe out most of the rest of his savings. And that reminded him of the need to pay rent, which he had no way to do.
He was going to have to ask for a loan from his parents, which he hated to do. They would give it to him, but it would be accompanied by a lecture about how irresponsible he was. Those always left a bad taste in his mouth as he tried desperately to bite his tongue in front of his daughter, who adored her grandparents and who was adored just as much in return.
They had always approved of Ashley far more than they had of him. So yes, they would pay his rent, so that she had somewhere to live, but he wouldn’t hear the end of it for at least a year. Still, these were the things that he had to do as a parent. He had to keep his daughter safe, no matter who gave him dirty looks and stern talkings-to.
So he had that to look forward to, and then the car had broken down, and he was going to need to scrape up the money to pay for the repairs, assuming the elderly vehicle was even worth trying to fix. He had to find a job. He didn’t even have the money to pay his cell phone bill, which was going to make finding a job difficult. His phone was probably due to be cut off any day now.
And on top of all of that, making it worse than it would be, there was the haze of depression hanging over him from the scene that had just happened with Simon. One month together, and all he got was agoodbyebefore Simon walked away and didn’t so much as look back?
It was stupid, but Ray had sort of thought that what had happened between them had meant more than that. Sure, it had always been a fling, but Ray felt cheap and betrayed that he hadn’t gotten at least a hug.
So, granted, he was in a bad mood. And, granted, Simon probably was, too, since he was facing losing his job. The guilt of that didn’t exactly help Ray feel better about the whole situation, and then it just seemed that, no matter what he did, everything went wrong.
“Okay, what’s up with you?”
The words broke through Ray’s funk, made him come back to himself from the unusually dark place that he had ended up. But then, she could always do that. She was such a light in his life and a reminder to him that, even when things seemed like they weren’t for the best, they could end up being the best possible thing to happen to him. A reminder that he sorely needed right now.
“What do you mean? I’m just tired,” he protested, but he knew that he wasn’t very good at lying, and she didn’t even dignify his attempt with much of a response. He might as well have not said it at all, for all the attention she paid it.
“You haven’t said anything since we landed,” she accused, and Ray sighed and shook his head. They both knew that was unlike him. He was the sort of person who chattered, especially when he was comfortable, as he was with his daughter. She knew him too well for him to get away with that.
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” he admitted, and she narrowed her eyes at him. Most of the time, she was a typical teenager, lost in her world, in her smartphone and her friends and school. And then there were the times when she seemed to be able to see right through skin and sinew and bone, right down into his very soul. This was one of those times.
“It’s a woman,” she proclaimed, which was close enough to the truth that Ray jumped. Of course, his daughter didn’t know him as anything but straight, so she made her assumptions, but at the heart of it, she was correct. “Did you fall in love?”
Ray didn’t comment. If he did, he knew that he would only confirm what she had said. Which he supposed he was doing anyway. But if he opened his mouth, some details would come out that he wasn’t sure she would be able to handle. Even with everything that was going to happen with Simon likely losing his job and all of that, he still hoped that the kids would never know why. Maybe it wasn’t that likely that she would escape that knowledge, but she might.
“You did. You fell in love, but you can’t have her,” Ashley continued, peering into his face. “Why? Is it just because she’s in Paris? And when did you have time to fall in love, anyway? It must have been the woman at the hotel who kissed you on New Year’s. I can’t believe you were sneaking around my back like that!”
She sounded both scandalized and delighted like she was happy to be proven wrong about that, but if she found out that the person Ray had fallen for just so happened to be a guy, and not only that, but her favorite teacher?
“It doesn’t matter,” Ray finally said, his voice a little bit weak. His surprising daughter had hit a little bit too close to the mark for his comfort, even if she had the details wrong. And here he had thought that she had been too wrapped up in her stuff to notice anything was happening with him. “Because if therewasa thing, which I’m not saying there was, but if there was, it’s over now.”
She was looking at him again, and that same intense, soul-penetrating expression was on her face, to the point where he wouldn’t have even been surprised if she had suddenly come out and told him that he was in love with Simon. But that wasn’t what she said. What she came up with was far more surprising, in a way.
“Dad,” she told him, her voice quite kind but quite firm. “I think it’s time for you to start dating again.”
He stared at her, then shook his head.
“Who are you, and what have you done with my daughter?” he managed. It was a joke, but not really, because she had always been very clear that she didn’t want to share him with anyone. “One of the first full sentences you ever said to me was that you didn’t want me to ever get married.”
“Yeah, but you won’t have me to take care of you in a few months,” Ashley explained to him. She had always been good at explaining and also at getting her way. If she went into politics, she would be President in no time flat. He was sure of it. “So you’re going to need to live your own life.”
The words could have been mean, but they weren’t. Not from Ashley. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She was just as blunt as a sledgehammer most of the time, but in a way that it was impossible to mistake as malicious.
Still, he had no idea what to say to her. Mostly because he was pretty sure she was right. Not about dating. There was exactly one person in the world that he wanted to date, and that person was not interested. Simon had made that very clear when he had said goodbye so shortly and then just walked away.
But he did need to live his own life. Ashley would be going off to college, that had somehow snuck up on him. What would he do when it was just himself to think about? He had never really been an adult without a child to look after. He had been so very young when her mother had gotten pregnant.
Who was he when he wasn’t a father? Of course, he was always a father, but he had an existence outside of that, too. And once she was gone, he was going to have to come face to face with that. He had no idea what he might see when he did.
