Page 20 of Christmas in Paris
Ray kept looking at him, too, but he seemed to sense that Simon needed some time to figure this out, so he kept his distance. By the time dinner had come and gone, and the kids were settling down for the evening, Simon had more or less gotten his head sorted out. And it was also the first chance for them to talk.
Although Simon didn’t like himself for his suspicion, it had to be said that he did check the lobby, where some of the kids were still hanging out, before he sat down next to Ray. He was making sure that Mandy wasn’t there. He didn’t know anything for sure, but she sure had been acting guilty, and he figured this was a time to be careful.
That was why he had to do what he had to do, after all.
In a tone too low for the kids to hear, but with a slight smile and a bored look on his face in case any of them should happen to look over, Simon recounted the story of what had happened that day, of the two phone calls. Ray was silent throughout, and whenever Simon snuck a look over at him, he saw that Ray very determinedly was not looking at him. His shoulders were obviously tensed, and his jaw clenched, but Simon was pretty sure no one would see who wasn’t right beside him.
After the story was told, there was a long, long silence. Simon let it stretch on, let Ray absorb the information since it was just as much about Ray as it was Simon. Maybe more, even.
“So, what does this mean?” Ray asked and then sighed and shook his head while Simon hadn’t even done anything but part his lips and take an inhale in preparation of talking. “No, never mind. I know what it means. It means it’s over, right?”
Simon winced a little at the bitterness in Ray’s voice, as subtle as it was. But he couldn’t deny his conclusion, although hearing it laid out in so blunt a fashion made him partially want to scream that it wasn’t over, that he didn’t want it to be over. Not now, not in a few weeks, not for a long time. Maybe ever.
But he pulled himself back together and let out a sigh.
“We both knew it was going to happen. Maybe not this soon, but we knew,” Simon pointed out, and then he looked at Ray, wondering if, maybe even hoping that, Ray would make a stink, raise a fuss. Tell him it didn’t matter. That what they had together meant something and was worth fighting for.
Of course, that didn’t happen. Why would it? Ray had never claimed that this meant anything to him, and it was better that it didn’t. So, after another brief silence, Ray rose to his feet.
“I’m kind of tired,” he said, avoiding Simon’s eyes. “I’ll take the couch tonight.”
And then he was gone, and Simon winced. He had hoped that they would have one more night together before Mandy’s mother arrived, and they had to be careful, but it seemed that wasn’t going to happen. Ray wanted to make a clean break.
Which was unfortunate for Simon, but maybe it was all for the best.
Chapter Fifteen
Ray
After that, life got a fair bit worse for Ray.
Not bad. He was still in Paris, after all, and he was with his favorite person in the world, his daughter. She even wanted to spend some time with him now and then, maybe even more than she had at home.
But the nights when he had the couch, he barely slept because it was too short and not all that comfortable. And the nights he had the bed, he barely slept because he was keenly aware that Simon was on the couch and not in bed with him.
That would have been bad enough, given how much Ray had gotten used to having someone in the bed with him to keep him warm, but even worse was the woman who had come into their lives that had shaken everything up in the worst way possible.
Her name was Nancy Bradford, and she was Mandy’s mother. Once he had met Nancy, all of a sudden, Mandy made a lot more sense. Mandy always came off as very quiet and repressed, and it was pretty easy to see why once her mother was around.
Nancy was loud, dismissive, and opinionated with no interest in hearing anyone else’s perspective. She didn’t seem to think much of anyone under her in status, which included pretty much everyone around.
Why she hadn’t put her daughter in a private school, Ray had no idea. Suffice it to say, when she was around, life was much more unpleasant. She was barely cordial to Simon, derisive to the kids, including Mandy, and as for Ray, maybe he was the luckiest of all of them because she didn’t deign to admit that he existed at all.
Not that it was pleasant to have her around. The third week of December passed much slower than the first two had. And it wasn’t just her, either. Everyone was feeling it. It had been a long trip, although it also seemed feasible that Nancy coming had repressed the spirits of the students, as well.
One night four days before Christmas, Ray had had enough. He had been good. He had been a saint, practically. But as he was lying in the big, wide expanse of the bed, cold despite the many blankets simply because he didn’t have Simon lying beside him, he’d suddenly just had enough.
Why should he have to live like this? He and Simon had so little time together. Ray’s body missed Simon’s in so many ways, and right then and there, with his body pulsing with need, it was just too much for him to think that he could never touch Simon again.
There was no conscious decision to be made here. Ray just found himself rolling out of bed, shivering in the chilly air, pacing quickly and quietly across the floor until he was standing over the couch and looking down at Simon.
“Ray?” Simon asked, eyes wide open. And who could blame him? The couch was not at all comfortable, who could sleep? “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah,” Ray admitted, his low pitched voice matching Simon’s, nice and quiet, so that even someone in the same room with them wouldn’t have been able to hear. “There’s something wrong. You’re over here trying to sleep, and I’m in bed trying to sleep, and neither of us can.”
Boldly, he lay down beside Simon, which was a tight squeeze considering the couch was barely big enough for one of them, much less them both. But he squirmed in and ended up pressed right up against Simon, which was worth a little bit of discomfort.
“Ray!” Simon sounded shocked, which was fun. Simon didn’t seem to be easily fazed. Ray grinned at him and squirmed in closer, burying himself half under the other man’s warm body.
