Page 28 of The Cowboy's Second Chance
Thirteen
Logan
Derrick, can you come? Please? I need you, and I miss you so much. I can’t do this alone.
Those words just kept right on echoing through Logan’s mind. No matter how much he tried to pull away from them, no matter how much he would have loved to have never heard them at all, he couldn’t help it. The words were etched right into the very cells of Logan’s brain, and he could no more forget them than he could his own name.
Jessica. She was nice. Pretty. Obviously smart, since Derrick had met her in school. And, most of all, she was Derrick’s girlfriend. And what sort of terrible person was he, that he had slept with Derrick, knowing that?
Of course, it was really Derrick’s responsibility not to cheat on his girlfriend, but Logan hadn’t even asked about her. He had allowed himself to tumble, head over heels, into something that never should have been allowed.
Now, Jessica needed her boyfriend back. No doubt their relationship had been strained by the months that they’d spent apart. Derrick had run back to her side, and that, as far as Logan was concerned, was that.
He had done something terribly wrong in sleeping with Derrick at all. He had allowed his own ethics to be compromised because he had fallen for Derrick. But that was where it stopped. Logan would not be complicit in something like this, not more than he already had.
Logan had it all planned out. Derrick was supposed to come back on Sunday, so he had until then to get the other man out of his heart. He’d given it a great deal of thought, and the conclusion that he had come to was that he was going to have to talk with Derrick. Break things off for good. Calmly and rationally explain his reasons.
And then stay the hell away from that hayloft, because even with all of his newfound conviction, he knew that ten seconds alone in the loft with Derrick and he would be tripping over himself to get his hands on the young man again.
His plan was sober and rational, and logical. It made perfect sense. And it all went out the window the moment that Derrick arrived back at the ranch, right on time.
With Jessica.
Somehow, that hadn’t figured into Logan’s equations. It probably should have. After all, she had clearly been struggling without her boyfriend, and now that she had him back, it wasn’t actually that shocking that she wasn’t letting go of him.
It was a bit strange. Wasn’t she still in school? It shouldn’t be over yet. Not that Logan was any sort of expert on University schedules, but he had definitely thought that November was a bit early for winter break. But what did he know? Maybe she was done with University. He was hardly the world’s Jessica expert.
Hell, he’d barely spoken two words to her. And now, he couldn’t help but wonder what she would think of him if she knew what had happened between him and Derrick. She didn’t look like she was in great shape, actually, when he looked at her. She had dark circles under her eyes, which were swollen like she had been rubbing them a lot. She was pale, and her dark blonde hair was tied back in a simple, messy braid down her back.
Had she really been missing Derrick that much? Or had Derrick told her that he’d been cheating on her? It was really none of Logan’s business, he reminded himself firmly, contenting himself with a cold nod which was all the greeting he was going to give Derrick. He smiled just slightly at Jessica, and guilt ran through him, prickly and uncomfortable, when she smiled a little bit back at him.
She probably wouldn’t do that if she knew. Should he tell her? Was it any of his business? It sure felt like it was, given the nature of his own relationship with Derrick.
See, this was why he didn’t do relationships. It was just too unbearably messy. And this wasn’t even an official relationship. Still, he couldn’t help but think that Derrick should have told him about Jessica. On the other hand, Logan also hadn’t asked. He very deliberately hadn’t said a word about her, because he had been too terrified of the answer.
So, even though he knew he was being horribly rude, Logan couldn’t help himself. He just nodded slightly in return and then turned abruptly on his heel and left the two of them alone. Yes, it wasn’t polite, but it was better than the huge confrontation that would happen if he let himself hang around.
He had no right to be this pissed off, Logan told himself, as he strode off to the only place where he felt like he might find some sort of solace. The horses shuffled and neighed softly to greet him. He knew every one of them, and they were, it felt like at that moment, his only friends.
Malcolm wasn’t here, and Craig had never been someone that Logan had been all that close to. Mary Anne was just a kid. And for the first time, as Logan quickly, expertly, saddled the horse and then swung himself up onto her back, he had to admit to himself that he was very alone.
His entire life had been wrapped up in this ranch. Since he had been a child, he had lived here. It had been unofficial at first.
What else did he even have? His skill with horses, a high school diploma, and a broken heart. That was it.
As he rode out of the barn, already eagerly anticipating the ride, hoping that the wind that blew through his hair would blow away his thoughts, as well, he rode right past Derrick, who was looking up at him with a confused, angry expression on his face. How the hell that was fair, given the circumstances? How dared Derrick look like he was the one who was being wronged here?
The ride didn’t help. Or rather, it did, a little, but only when the horse was galloping so quickly that all Logan could think about was holding on. That couldn’t last forever, though, and when Logan and the horse, who was breathing hard and damp with sweat, came back toward the barn, Logan could practically feel the impact as every one of those negative thoughts came slamming right back into his head.
“Logan!”
The voice was familiar. It always would be. No matter what had happened between them, Logan would never be able to forget the good times. The sound of that voice whispering words of affection in his ear. It had happened so rarely, but it had been so good every time it did, and the feeling of that was etched not only on his heart but on his very soul.
“What do you want?” Logan demanded, not even daring to look at Derrick as he swung his leg over the broad back of the horse and dismounted. He could have gone through the steps of taking care of a horse in his sleep, but he, at that moment, put a lot more energy and attention into it than was perhaps strictly necessary.
It was just that it was better than looking into Derrick’s eyes. Logan was starting to think this was some sort of cruel game to the younger man. Maybe he enjoyed the attention he was getting from Logan. Maybe he even thought, if he batted those big green eyes at Logan, that Logan would continue right on giving him that attention.
The hell of it was, Derrick wasn’t even as wrong as he should be. Even now, if Logan wasn’t careful, he was going to hurt himself more by letting Derrick keep right on playing these games. It might not even be deliberate. Derrick might just want to have his cake and eat it, too.
