Page 40 of Ken
TWENTY
When his phone beeped at him, Ken was, at first, inclined to ignore it. After all, it was probably just his mother, calling to yell at him for the phone conversation that he had just had with his sister. Or, more likely, it was her calling to try to get him to change his mind. To take some girl, instead of going alone, as he had told Luna he was going to do.
But it beeped again, and this time, Ken felt like there was an insistent quality to the tone. Something that suggested that, whoever was trying to call, they wouldn’t be put off. It was probably better to just bite the bullet, to tell his mom that he was going to Luna’s wedding alone and that was just how it was. It was going to happen sooner or later, and at least this way she would yell at him over the phone.
“What is it?” Despite all of his resignation, his voice came off just a little bit snappish. Something in his mother just brought out the best in Ken, no doubt about it, he thought wryly, but he didn’t actually try to modify his tone much.
“Uh, is it a bad time?”
Shit. That voice. That most definitely wasn’t his mother’s voice. Chagrin filled him, making him feel like even more of an idiot than he would have if it had been his mother, and Ken sighed softly and reached for an excuse, the first one he could think of.
“Sorry, babe,” Ken admitted, and that much was true. “I didn’t sleep too good, and I don’t feel great.”
Actually, that was all true, but he knew that it sounded like he was sick, and he wasn’t.
“It’s okay. You’re not feeling well?” Justin asked, and Ken could have kicked himself when he heard the worry in the other man’s voice. “I’ll come over. Jade’s in school.”
That just wasn’t something that Ken was used to. He was an adult, he’d been on his own for a few years now, and he’d mostly taken care of himself. Something strange flushed through him, making him smile a little despite himself, when he realized that Justin actually wanted to do this. He could hear it in his voice.
“No, it’s okay …” Ken wasn’t ill, after all. Tired, yes, and pretty worn out in general, but not actually sick, but it was too late. He was talking to a dead line, and he softly sighed as he set his phone down.
He hadn’t really wanted company, but now that he was getting it, he couldn’t actually claim that it would be unwelcome. So he settled in, put a mindless movie on the television and curled up on the couch.
It wasn’t really like him to need to rest much, but a lot was going on, he had to admit. Maybe a day of downtime was all that he would need.
Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and Ken raised his head. “Come in, babe,” he called, and it was then that he knew just how exhausted he really had been. It was like, now that he had decided what to do about the wedding, all of the tension just broke all at once, and his body gave up and sought out the rest he had been denying himself.
“Hey,” Justin greeted, coming in with a bag of something that smelled delicious. “I brought lunch. So what’s going on with you?”
Ken sighed softly. How could he even begin to explain that, especially when a lot of the reason that he was so tired was because of his own conflicted feelings about Justin himself? He shook his head, sitting up and offering Justin a part of the couch.
“I’m just really, really tired,” he said, not quite honestly. There was more to it than that, but he really didn’t have the energy for any of that. “The wedding, and the pressure that Lester’s putting on all of us, I guess it’s just a lot. And then there’s gonna be a tour, there always is after we drop a new album.”
Justin nodded, and Ken supposed that was the good thing about dating someone in the same industry. Justin wasn’t a performer, but he had a lot of the same stresses on him that Ken did, and he could definitely understand.
“Okay. It’s time for a lot of fat and carbs,” Justin instructed, pulling out takeout containers and opening them to reveal big, thick, juicy, succulent burgers and crisp fries, still steaming gently. “Eat.”
Ken did as he was told, and with real, sincere pleasure. He liked food, and he rarely turned it down when offered, but he realized that it had actually been yesterday that he’d last eaten. He’d just been too distracted when he woke up, and he’d called Luna right away, so there hadn’t been a lot of time.
Well, his body was enjoying it now, and they both tucked in, sitting companionably close to each other on the couch. Somehow, with things as awkward as they had been before, Ken wouldn’t have expected for Justin to come here, to take care of him, and it just added to the confusion.
What is this?
He wanted to scream the words, to make Justin tell him, to sit on him if he had to, to get it out of him. What did this mean to Justin? Ken was ready to throw himself into it completely, but he had no idea if Justin was the same. And why should he be? He had Jade to consider.
So he bit his tongue, and, completely uncharacteristically, he said nothing. He held his silence as he ate, and he continued to hold it even after they had demolished those huge burgers and most of the fries, though even Ken’s stomach was groaning under the weight of so much food after all of that.
Justin shifted against him, and Ken, acting purely on impulse, slid his arm around the other man’s shoulders. He seriously had not expected Justin to be so sweet to him, to come and take care of him. And he closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the top of the older man’s head, pulling him close against himself and trying to figure out why this one small, gorgeous, strong, sexy as hell man could mess with him so much.
“What’s up now?” Justin whispered, his head settling against Ken’s chest, and Ken’s arm tightened around Justin’s shoulders as he tried to fight down a wave of emotion that was an actual physical sensation, threatening to steal his voice and sweep him away.
He was supposed to be trying to control himself, right? God knew he’d made enough of an idiot of himself for love before.
“I was just thinking how sexy you are,” Ken murmured, and once more, it was the truth. Perhaps not every single tiny little bit of the truth, but he had been thinking that. “It’s kind of distracting.”
Justin smiled a little, that slight quirk of his lips that crinkled up his eyes at the corners and made him look younger than he was. That much, Ken expected and had even been going for, but Justin soon proved that he could surprise him when he suddenly outright climbed onto Ken’s lap.
When Ken had last spent the night, Justin had been distant and cold, and Ken had had to wonder if Justin even wanted him at all anymore. He’d heard that in relationships the sexual tension was supposed to wear off, though it hadn’t for him yet, but he had sort of become resigned to that maybe being the case for Justin. Or was his lover just angry with him? Ken found it hard to tell.
