Page 50 of Touch of Innocence
TWENTY-FOUR
He was doing this to himself. Why? Sam wouldn’t force him to, and Mike wouldn’t say anything, and it seemed like there was a pretty good chance that Ben and Isaac never had to know. This could just stay Gunner’s secret because he knew that the people who already knew, he could trust.
But what if?
What if Gunner ended up having to testify against his ex? What if his ex got out, and Gunner needed people around him that he could count on? What if, what if? There were hundreds of what ifs, and Gunner knew better now than to think that he could keep a secret like this forever.
He’d tried that, and he had learned that things had a nasty habit of coming out right at the worst possible time. That had almost cost him Sam. Was he willing to take the risk that it would cost him Sam’s family, too? Not only would that be pretty sad for Gunner, but it wouldn’t exactly be a lot of fun for Sam, either.
“Are you sure?” Sam asked, squeezing Gunner’s hand. They had come in while the morning light was still growing into full, midsummer day, passed out for a few hours, and now stood, hand in hand, outside the door which would lead into the house. Gunner knew, because Sam had told him, that Isaac and Ben were both home, that Ruby was off at day camp, and Amanda was at work.
In short, there would probably never be a better time, and it was the right thing to do, for so many reasons. So Gunner slipped his fingers into Sam’s and squeezed back, nodding to the man who was somehow, miraculously, his boyfriend again. How could he put that at risk by being dishonest?
Sam would support him either way, but Gunner had the idea that Sam would approve more if Gunner did the right thing, the honest thing. Since Sam’s approval meant everything to him, that made the decision that much easier.
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Gunner saw the smile in Sam’s eyes, and he knew for sure then that he’d made the right call. Sam wasn’t going to try to shame him into doing anything, but Sam really did seem to value honesty, and damned if Gunner wasn’t starting to, too.
Sam leaned in and briefly kissed Gunner, just a brush of their lips together, but it made Gunner feel like he was glowing from the inside out. They pulled back from it, grinned at each other, and then Gunner reached out and wrapped his fingers around the metal of the doorknob, cooler than the air around it but already warmed up in the heat of the day, and pushed the door open.
Inside, there was a scene that was almost embarrassingly tender. Isaac was washing up some breakfast dishes or trying to, but he was smiling as Ben wrapped himself around him from behind. Ben’s hands were intimately on Isaac’s flat stomach, Ben’s chin on Isaac’s shoulder, and at that moment, it was clear that there was no one else in the world for either of them.
Seeing it made a lump rise in Gunner’s throat. He had never seen his own parents touch each other like that. They had seemingly only had slightly more use for each other than they had for him. Watching these two, seeing how very in love they were, even after a decade of marriage, it made Gunner think that there just might be such a thing as forever.
Whatever he’d thought, though, this clearly wasn’t the perfect time. Gunner turned to look at Sam, who gazed back at him, and then indicated the door behind him with just a nod. They had no business interrupting something as sweet, as loving, as this was.
Gunner nodded and then reached behind him, groping for the knob once more. But Ben turned around, and there was a look of understandable surprise when he saw Gunner there, Gunner, who had disappeared without a word, Gunner, who was hand in hand with Sam despite everything that Gunner knew Sam had told his big brother about what had happened between them.
“Huh. Look who the cat dragged in,” Ben drawled, and Isaac turned. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t for Isaac to cross the room, to draw him into a hug. Such a thing had never happened before, and Gunner found his eyes stinging and an annoying lump in his throat as he hugged Isaac back.
“Sorry,” Gunner muttered, a little bit awkward as he pulled away from Isaac, withdrawing toward the door. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. We can catch up later …”
The whole time, Gunner was fumbling with the knob, but Ben gave him a stern look, the one that always shut Ruby up even in her biggest bratty moments, and sat at the table as he beckoned Gunner and Sam over.
“No. Get your asses over here,” Ben directed, and Isaac went to sit beside his husband, an expectant look on his face, as well. “First you disappear off into nowhere, leaving Sammy to mope around and make himself obnoxious, and now you’re back, and you wanna just disappear again? I don’t think so.”
A reluctant smile pulled at the edges of Gunner’s lips, and he shrugged to himself as he dropped down into a chair. But he didn’t let go of Sam’s hand, and Sam, by some miracle, also didn’t let go of his, and that made it easier.
“I have to tell you guys something,” Gunner spoke up, rushing the words. Now that the moment was on him, he sort of just wanted it over with, so that he would know what was going to happen with this. If he was going to lose this family, he needed to know it before he let himself get attached.
Though truthfully, it might be a little bit late for that already. Seeing Ben and Isaac was already just a little bit too good, almost as much as coming home and seeing Sam had been.
“I figured,” Isaac admitted, while Ben added, “So talk.”
So Gunner did talk. He told them more than he had intended to, honestly. He had thought he would just blurt out that he had a criminal record, but the look on Ben’s face, and Isaac’s, too, suggested that they wouldn’t be okay with the short version. So the whole story came out, how he’d been kicked out by his parents, his descent into criminal behavior, finally being caught …
… And jail. He didn’t shy away from that, and he forced his eyes to stay fixed on the two men in front of him. It was hard not to feel like they were his judges, like that judge from long ago who had set him on the path which had led him here couldn’t have changed his life any more than these two men possibly could.
When it was over, Gunner very carefully, deliberately, pulled his hand away from Sam, wiped them both clear of sweat on his denim covered legs and then took Sam’s hand right back in his once more. It was over. Whatever happened, at least he’d told the truth.
“Huh. Well now, that makes a whole hell of a lot more sense.” Was Ben’s reaction, which was surprising enough, but Isaac was actually wearing a deeply thoughtful frown on his face, not really looking at Gunner for a few seconds as if processing it all.
Somehow, Isaac was the one that Gunner had really been more worried about. Ben had a past. Gunner knew some of it, bits he’d picked up from Gunner’s comments, more that he’d picked up from Sam. But Isaac, Gunner knew, had been born the son of a Baptist preacher and had some pretty definite ideas about right and wrong.
Isaac had never come off as particularly judgemental, but then, Gunner had never come out as having a criminal record before. Was this going to be where the fire and brimstone would come out? The judgments, the condemnations?
Gunner sat and stewed in his own worry, his eyes fixed on Isaac, as were the eyes of everyone else at the table. Gunner felt the tension in Sam’s slender fingers, and he knew that Sam could feel the tension in his, but that was okay.
Suddenly, Isaac glanced up, his eyes deeply thoughtful as he looked at Gunner. He opened his mouth, and there was a sudden swooping feeling in Gunner’s stomach like the ground had just fallen away from under him, and he was waiting to see if he was going to fall or not.
