Page 5 of Another Chance
“Oh yeah?” Ann, an older, almost middle-aged, woman with black hair shot through with silver, the other female on Eric’s crew, asked, with more interest than Eric would have shown. He would listen, but some famous author coming to their fair town didn’t actually thrill him to bits. He wasn’t really a book guy. “Who?”
“Theo Savage,” Mary replied. “I haven’t read too many of his books or anything, but yeah, I read an interview with him. He says he’s coming back home to deal with some family business or something. It was all very mysterious.”
All of a sudden, Eric was paying a lot more attention. So much attention that even the lovely Faith couldn’t hold his eye anymore. His entire focus was on Mary, to the point where he was probably staring like an idiot and, if she noticed, it might alarm her.
He couldn’t help it, though. Theo Savage. He knew that name. He knew that name just a little bit too well, and hearing it again, after all of these years, felt quite a bit like someone wearing an steel toed work boot stomping their foot right into his unprotected belly.
“Why?” Eric suddenly demanded, and he leaned forward, seizing Mary’s startled gaze and holding it ruthlessly with his own. “Why is Theo coming back?”
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here, boss, and say you know the guy,” Carlos commented, and his mild tone of voice helped Eric come back to himself a little bit before he made too much of a scene.
Already, his friends were looking at him like he’d grown a second head, their eyes fixed on him, clearly surprised by his outburst. Eric supposed that he did sort of have a reputation as someone who didn’t care that much about most things, about anything, really, other than his work.
None of these people had really known him back in high school. They were either too old or too young. None of them had known Eric back when he’d been best friends with Theo.
Back when he’d been in love with him.
Not that it was helpful to think of it that way. Eric grabbed for the pitcher of beer when Faith brought it, and with barely a look at the young woman, which was unusual for him, he poured himself a full glass. His hand shook, and he tried to steady it, only barely managing not to make a mess.
“Geez, I’m losing my touch,” Faith commented, but she didn’t honestly seem all that put out. Not that Eric was paying much attention.
She wandered off, but the brief interaction, just her comment and him smiling a little at her in return, helped him pull himself together a little bit. His heart still hammered against his ribcage like a bird trying to escape, but he hoped at least no one else would be able to tell.
He had really been kidding himself when he’d tried to say, even in the secrecy of his own mind, that he was over this man. In a moment, he was right back with Theo again, talking to him in the woods, watching the sparkle come back into those hazel eyes.
Eric had felt like a hero back then. He’d given Theo back some hope, given him the chance to keep the friendship between them, but he’d messed that up, hadn’t he? He’d been so sure that his best friend was giving him signals, but that had been nothing but his own delusions speaking.
Why had he allowed it all to come crashing down on him? Maybe, if he had just been able to control himself when it mattered, if he hadn’t tried to kiss his scared and vulnerable best friend, he would never have lost him at all. Maybe then he wouldn’t be sitting on a dirty barstool at a dirty table in a small, dirty bar, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut just by the mention of his best friend.
His former best friend. He had to keep that in mind. He swirled his finger in some beer which had spilled over the side of his glass, dropping his gaze down to follow the movement unseeingly, his mind whirling.
Theo. In kissing Theo, he’d lost so much more than just the boy he’d had a crush on since he’d even really known what crushes were. Yes, Theo had been the first person he’d ever wanted, but that wasn’t actually all of it.
He missed other things. Hanging out listening to music. Walking in the woods. Talking about everything and nothing, or just sitting still and watching some stupid video, then turning to face each other and bursting into uproarious laughter.
That was what he’d had, and he regretted losing that more than any hypothetical relationship which he would never have truly had.
Surely people fell in love with their straight best friends all the time. Eric had just been a bit of an idiot about what he did with that. He should have kept it quiet, and because he hadn’t, he’d ruined everything. It all seemed a little bit unfair, to be so harshly punished for something like that, but it was what it was.
None of it mattered. Even in this day of Facebook and other social media, Theo had never tried to find him, and Eric hadn’t tried to find Theo, either, just out of respect. Theo had been the one to run away, and if he’d wanted to talk things out, or be friends again, or … whatever. Well, he could have found Eric. Eric had never hidden his profiles, just in case.
But Theo never had, and Eric had made quite enough of an idiot of himself. Sure, every so often he’d considered packing up everything and going to New York, but who even knew if Theo was there or not?
The whole rest of the night, Eric was quiet. No matter how hard he tried not to think about Theo, he did. He found his mind back to him, over and over, saw his best friend smile at him and wondered what the man looked like now.
“Man, how do you always get these girls throwing themselves at you?” Carlos asked as Faith dropped off the bill, handing it very deliberately to Eric. On the top of the long piece of paper was a number, her phone number, and though Eric was amused by the reaction that Carlos and his friends had, and even though Faith was a gorgeous woman, even that couldn’t break through the haze in his mind.
The haze which, he sort of thought, would only be lifted for good when he had Theo back in his life. Which was impossible, wasn’t it? Damn it! He’d moved on, or he had thought that he had.
He put down the check with money on it to cover it, but Carlos picked up the piece of paper and slipped it into Eric’s pocket.
“You never know,” Carlos said, and Eric shook his head, bemused. Was he that pathetic that his friends were trying to hook him up? It seemed easier to take the paper than to fight about it.
Still, as they left, it wasn’t the pretty brunette Faith who was on his mind. It wasn’t the pretty brunette Faith who was going to keep him up all night.
