Page 39 of Another Chance
18
It had been hard enough to get from his room to the door, and Eric sat in the kitchen, staring at the floor, utterly refusing to get up. The kitchen chair was not the most comfortable thing in the world, but at the moment, he could no more stand up than he could fly.
“I’m not talking to him,” Eric growled at Jupiter, who gazed up at him with bright golden eyes and really did seem to be listening to him with complete attention. “I’m not. He can knock all day. I don’t care. I’m not talking to that fucker.”
Theo had kissed someone else. Right on Eric’s front patio. Eric had never fully understood the meaning of the wordheartbreakbefore. Oh, he’d come close, when Theo had left him in the first place, but at least then he hadn’t had to watch the guy actually kiss someone else.
“I’m not,” Eric insisted, as Jupiter stood up as tall as he could on his back legs and tried to hop up into his lap. He didn’t make it, not by a long shot, but the little cat was not deterred. He scampered up Eric’s leg, and those claws of his were small, but they were sharp enough that they went right through the layer of his sweats, which were still all he wore.
“He’s gonna kiss his boyfriend at my house? Fuck him. I don’t need him,” Eric insisted, as Jupiter head-butted his hand and pushed himself under it. Eric took the hint and stroked the cat from the top of his head down to the base of his tail. Jupiter started to rumble with pleasure, and even with his heart shattered into a thousand little pieces, Eric couldn’t help but take some pleasure from this simple act, just petting a cat.
He wasn’t even going to cry, he told himself, blinking hard. He should have known better than to ever let Theo in enough that he could hurt him again. But the fact that Theo had actually kissed another man, that surprised even him.
“I should have seen it coming, Jupiter,” Eric whispered, and despite all of his best efforts, the cat blurred as he gazed down at him. “I saw that guy on his Facebook. Theo’s just been …”
What? Having an affair? Theo had said he was a virgin but had he lied about that? Eric groaned, and with his free hand, he scrubbed at his eyes as though that could somehow make everything make sense. Make everything fall into place, or if not that, make him not care so much.
Jupiter nipped at his fingers with affection and then hopped down off of his lap and scampered off toward the door, tail boldly aloft. He stopped and looked back at Eric, and the slight tilt of his tiny head seemed to ask, clear as day,Are you coming?
Who was he kidding? Theo wouldn’t go away until Eric had gone to talk to him, and it was pretty much inevitable that Eric would do so. He could lie to himself, for a while, anyway, but for some reason, a tiny scrap of a cat could see right through him. Or maybe he was just projecting on poor little Jupiter, who probably just heard Theo’s voice and wanted to know why Theo wasn’t there petting him since he was obviously around.
Bowing to the inevitable, Eric got up, his legs still shaky. But he could walk, and he did, slowly and deliberately over to the door. He latched it with the chain and then pulled it open just enough that he could look through and see Theo. He would talk to the guy, but he would be damned if he would let him in.
He’d like to think that it was just because he was so angry, but he knew better. It had nothing to do with that. If he let Theo in, if he felt the full force of those beautiful hazel eyes, he would be lost. He had to stay strong. He couldn’t let Theo keep on doing this to him.
“Just go away,” Eric’s voice was shaking a little. Because he was still a little bit sick, he told himself, and he almost even believed it. “I got nothing to say to you, Theo.”
“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Theo spoke, his voice pleading, one eye pressed to the crack in the door so that he could look at Eric. “I know what you saw but …”
Eric shook his head and stepped away. How many times was he going to let this man make an idiot of himself? Damn it, twice was more than enough. He had to have some self-respect, and what that was telling him was that he really needed to not be involved with this man.
Though having self-respect had never seemed as overrated as it did right then.
“Just go away. All of this was a mistake. We both knew it.” Eric’s voice cracked, and his hands tightened into fists at his side. It was one thing to say that he would be strong, but quite another to actually do it.
“Eric …” Theo sounded so sincere. So innocent. But then Eric thought of Theo, standing right by the porch swing, his lips locked with that blond man. Hadn’t Eric had a bad feeling about that guy from the moment that he’d first laid eyes on him? His instincts had been trying to tell him something. He’d been an idiot not to listen.
“Just stop,” Eric whispered, and to his shame, his tone of voice wasn’t strong. Even now, he was almost begging.
“Eric, you didn’t tell me that you were sleeping with Faith,” Theo suddenly accused, and Eric recoiled as if he’d been struck. Was that what Theo thought, that Eric was actually the kind of man who would cheat? Even with all of his experience, even with all of the one-night stands, he had never stooped to that low.
“So what if I am,” Eric forced his voice to come out cold and mean, even as his nails were gouging crescent-shaped marks in his palms which were deep enough that they would bruise. Not that he noticed at the time. “It’s not like it’s any of your business. Not when you already have a boyfriend.”
And what else was there even to say? Eric saw the hurt on Theo’s face, and he was angry enough to be glad that he had put it there. Let Theo feel even a fraction of the hurt which Eric did, and that would be good enough revenge.
High on the wave of that anger, taking comfort, refuge even, in the emotion which burned through his body and helped him forget about the pain, Eric moved. He grabbed the doorknob, and he pushed the door shut, locking it firmly and then walking away with his head held high.
The indignation lasted about a minute. As in, sixty seconds, and then it faded away and left him feeling weak all over again.
“Fuck, Teddy,” Eric whispered, as he remembered the look on the other man’s face. As he heard his words once more, accusing him of sleeping with Faith. If Theo had really thought that, maybe that explained, at least a little, why Theo had made out with Liam.
Maybe. He didn’t know. But maybe he should have found out before slamming the door shut in Theo’s face. Maybe he could have at least asked.
When he went back to the door, though, when he swung it open and looked outside, it was too late. The wind mocked him, and the fat, silvery droplets of rain which fell from a depressing low sky echoed his mood perfectly, and they were the only things which greeted him.
It was too late. He’d missed out on the chance, and he wasn’t even sure if he should be sorry about that or not. With a sigh, he shut the door and looked down at Jupiter, who gazed up at him with those big, golden eyes of his and wove around Eric’s legs.
“I’m not sure I deserve that,” Eric admitted, but he leaned down to pet the kitty anyway. At least he still had something, only did he really? Because this cat was Theo’s, too, and eventually, he supposed, he was going to have to give Jupiter back.
