Page 8 of A Lady Most Wayward
‘You think I’m scared?’ Philippa snorted. ‘Of my desire? Please. Do I strike you as a woman who feels fear for anything?’ It was an evasive question designed to reveal little. While Philippa trusted Hannah implicitly, being vulnerable with anyone was out of the question. It invited far too many emotions, and emotions were like a feral cat. Just as prone to scratch and claw as snuggle and purr.
‘I think you fear letting people close.’
First Delacroix, now Hannah. Damn these women and their blasted opinions.
It mattered little that their opinions happened to be correct.
‘I am simply cautious with my friends. Few people are worthy of my time. You and the other ladies are exceptions to that rule.’
‘But is friendship enough? Or do you wish for more? For a special companion?’
‘Like a cat? It would ruin the furniture. And dogs are far too needy.’
Hannah exhaled slowly through her nose. ‘Not a pet, Philippa. A partner. I know you won’t admit it, but something about Olivia has unsteadied you. It would be easy to paint her as an evil woman, unworthy of love or affection. But what if you are wrong?’
‘What does her guilt or innocence have to do with anything?’ Philippa was used to being a step ahead of most people. She did not like this feeling of confusion. It was bad enough that Philippa kept thinking of Olivia. Why was Hannah bringing her into this discussion?
‘If she is innocent, then you would have no reason to dislike her.’ Hannah glanced up from her tea. ‘And if you had no reason to dislike her, you might find a few reasons to like her.’
Jittery nerves thrilled through Philippa. She stood, pacing in staccato steps. ‘This is a nonsensical argument. I don’t want a companion. Having desires is very different from wanting to act upon them. And, lest we forget, Olivia Smithwick is guilty of attempting to aid her husband in terrible crimes. I suspect she also kidnapped her daughter and is holding the poor girl against her will. The only feelings I have for the woman are outrage. The only desire I have is to catch her and force her to face justice.’
Hannah watched Philippa pace. ‘What if you are wrong and she is not guilty?’
‘You were there that night. You heard Ivy tell us how Olivia could have stood against her husband, but she did not. Instead, she willingly sacrificed Ivy to his homicidal machinations. I am not wrong about this.’ Philippa spoke unflinchingly. Because she needed her words to be true.
Standing, Hannah walked to Philippa and put a reassuring hand on her arm, squeezing softly. ‘We are all wrong sometimes, Philippa.’ She leaned forward and pulled Philippa into a hug.
Philippa wanted to wrap her arms around Hannah and accept the gesture of support. She wanted to lean into Hannah’s strength, if only for a moment. But leaning on someone else only invited a devastating crash when they left. So, she remained stiff and unyielding in Hannah’s embrace.
Hannah pulled back, her eyes meeting Philippa’s gaze with a frankness few dared show the duchess. ‘You were right when you told me we all deserve love. And I am right when I tell you that “all” means “all”. You aren’t exempt from this.’
Philippa pressed her lips together, hating the thickness closing her throat. ‘I have had my chance at love. I don’t want another.’
‘Sometimes, what we want is not what we need, Philippa.’
‘And sometimes, it is the exact same thing.’
Hannah blinked twice in quick succession. It was the only indicator that Philippa had been too harsh in her rebuke, but it was enough. Philippa forced her tone to soften. Hannah wasn’t trying to attack her, after all. She was trying to help. Even if Philippa didn’t need any help. ‘It is getting late. You should return home to Killian before he starts to worry and organises a military offensive to rescue you.’
Hannah tucked her hand into her pocket and stepped away from Philippa. ‘I do hope we catch Olivia. Mayhap justice will look a little different than we expect once we hear her side of things. Ivy is right. Something is amiss.’
‘The only thing amiss is her belief she can escape me. I will prove beyond any doubt she is guilty.’
Philippa noted the look Hannah gave her before she walked out the door. A look calling Philippa ten times the fool.
3
It was an undeniable truth that azalea bushes carried with them a great many pokey branches and at least twenty of those branches were stabbing Olivia in the arms, legs, and side.
As soon as she had escaped Philippa’s, she knew she must return. There was no hope of booking passage to the Americas without her money, and Philippa was hiding it somewhere in her mansion. Probably in her bedchamber.
Olivia had determined to come back to Philippa’s and keep watch on the front door. The duchess had to leave eventually, and then Olivia would sneak in, ransack the woman’s room, and find her goddamned money. If it wasn’t in Philippa’s room, she could swipe some of the duchess’ endless jewels to make up the difference. Chances were great that the pampered prima donna wouldn’t even notice.
But not long after she wiggled into the leaves of the rather robust hedge between the front yard and the street beyond and discovered the azalea’s aforementioned sharp branches, carriages started to arrive. Lady Hannah Killian was first. Then the maid-to-marchioness Penny Renquist. Lady Millie Drake and Lady Ivy Cavendale –not Cavendale, Worthington, now she married the Commissioner of Scotland Yard– were last, and their carriages came almost at the same moment. As Olivia watched the women greet each other in the drive and exchange hugs, guilt, self-loathing, and jealousy created a cocktail of heaviness in her chest. Ivy had been a true friend to Olivia. She was a rare creature in the beau monde. Honest. Courageous. Kind. All of the things Olivia was not. When Ivy offered loyalty and trust, Olivia betrayed the young woman in the most devastating way possible.
Perhaps I don’t deserve to escape. I should turn myself in and face the consequences.
But to do so would put her daughter in grave danger. If Hyacinth’s whereabouts were discovered, the Crow would come after the girl. He’d promised Olivia if she did not follow orders, her daughter’s life would be sacrificed. Olivia certainly wasn’t following his orders any longer.
