Page 64 of The Confessions of a Lady
Penny’s muted scream of frustration brought his attention back to the conversation. ‘What if the wind wasn’t cold? What if water wasn’t wet? It doesn’t matter, because these things are absolute. They cannot change. I am a maid. I will always be a maid. And asking me to stay in your bed is no different than asking me to sacrifice everything I have worked so hard to attain for your pleasure.’ She turned, slipped off the bed, and bent to gather her clothes.
He wasn’t asking her to sacrifice anything. He just wanted her to stay. The anger so familiar to him – so much easier to bear than the pain of watching her leave – surfaced.
‘What about your pleasure? Or were your screams just a ruse?’
This is not how he imagined things going. He’d planned to wrap his body around Penny and hold her until she fell into a peaceful sleep. Perhaps they would wake in the middle of the night, and he could show her new and clever ways their bodies could fuse. He would order a tray to be brought up in the morning and they would feed each other.
But who would bring the tray? Your maid is in your bed and calling for service would only expose her.
She pulled the painfully thin nightgown over her head and Liam tried not to be distracted by her jostling breasts. Jabbing her arm into one sleeve of her wrapper, she wrestled with the thing to get her other arm in the hole. If Liam wasn’t so mad, he would find the whole scene utterly charming.
Swiping hair out of her eyes, she narrowed them. ‘I’m no liar, my lord. My passion was not false. I did enjoy that. But I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have come here tonight. Of all the men willing to take my virtue, you should have been my last choice. And do you know why?’
Liam squared his shoulders and readied himself for her verbal assault. If she wanted to battle, he would battle. He liked fighting. It was so much easier than sharing feelings and being vulnerable. ‘Why?’
‘Because, while you moan on and on about your inherent evil nature, I’m actually the one who betrayed my own mother to be here tonight.’ Her anger morphed into something even more terrifying. Tears.
Shit. I thought we weren’t being vulnerable. I thought we were sparring. Sweet Penny.
His desire to engage with her in verbal war immediately shifted to wanting to comfort her. But she wouldn’t allow it. Not now. He softened his voice. ‘How have you betrayed your mother by being here with me?’
‘Harriet Smith. Inmate number 1348 1847.’
Liam shook his head, completely flummoxed. ‘Who is Harriet Smith?’
‘My mother. She’s in the Steel. Right now. Shivering in some rat-infested cell while I roll around on your feather-padded bed.’
Her mother was a convict. A dark, insidious worry picked at the edges of his brain. There were many reasons why a womanmight be put in prison, but one in particular that could relate to Liam.
‘Why is she in prison?’ He didn’t want to hear this answer. But he must.
‘Because of you, Marquess of Stoneway. You signed the new Vagrancy Act condemning women like my mother. And your father signed the same Act in 1824, ensuring I was raised in the warm embrace of the Middlesex House of Correction. In that way, I suppose the two of you are alike.’
Ah, so they were battling after all. And she made a direct hit. Liam might throw up all over the sheets.
She seemed to realise how successful her attack was upon him. Pressing her hand to her perfect lips, she stifled another sob. ‘I didn’t mean… that is, I don’t think you are like your father.’ Closing her eyes tight, she shook her head. ‘No. I am not going to apologise to you.’ Watching her gather the frayed edges of her emotions together and weave it into a lash with which to whip him was masterful. ‘You stole my father from me, my childhood, my mother. And I should hate you. I did hate you. But you’ve stolen even my hatred.’ She gasped in a breath as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘You make it impossible for me to detest you, Liam. And now you ask me to stay with you. As if it’s just so easy? As if I wouldn’t be sacrificing every single part of myself to do that.’ She shook her head, swiping her tears away. ‘This was a mistake. I must go.’
Liam couldn’t imagine what Penny had suffered. All at his hand. Because he signed a stupid law he didn’t believe in to impress a father he hated. No wonder she was so adept at protecting herself against those two brutes in the alley. She’d grown up in a cold, cruel world where violence was commonplace. And she’d never had anyone to protect her except herself.
He swept aside the blankets and leaped out of bed, but she was at the door and through it before he could reach her.
He could have chased her down the hall, and very nearly did. But the last thing she wanted was for one of the footmen to see the marquess running naked down the hall after his maid. That would only hurt Penny more.
‘Bloody fucking hell!’ he bellowed, punching his fist into the door frame with a satisfying crunch. The pain blooming in his knuckles was a welcome distraction from the much larger wound in his heart.
16
Yes. She made a terrible slip in judgment going to Liam’s room the night before. And yes. He took more than just her virtue. He took a piece of her heart.
No. She shouldn’t have shared any information about her mother. And no. She shouldn’t have compared him to his father, no matter how much he deserved the insult.
But she’d done all those things. And as much as she might wish to, she couldn’t undo any of them.
She woke up early the next morning deliciously sore in sensitive places, reminding her of everything they’d shared. But instead of filling Penny with warm joy, or heated lust, it only made her heart ache more fiercely. In sharing her body, she had inadvertently given him a piece of her soul. And he would take that with him to the fiery pits of hell. Or at least, the cold prison cell of Newgate.
I am so thick in the head.
She should have protected herself. But like a complete fool, she had leaped headlong into his bed and without even knowing it, let him weasel his way into her heart. It was unconscionable. And when he’d asked her to stay, for one wild moment, she’dconsidered it. Considered risking everything to lay her head on his chest, feel his strong arms wrapped tight around her, and listen to his heartbeat as it lulled her into a peaceful sleep.
