Page 46 of The Price of Love
‘What? No, of course not. Oh, wait a minute, we were talking about star signs and horoscopes and, yes, Luke is a Gemini and his brother was born two days before Ocean. That’s right, I remember now.’
Cal tapped in the date as I dictated it. ‘Leave it with me. I can probably get a phone number. Then maybe you could call, have a chat. He’ll know if Luke has any particular friends, won’t he?’
Despite the balmy night, I found myself shivering again. ‘I don’t know if he’d tell me anything though.’
Again, the sideways shrug. ‘You’ve got nothing to lose by talking to him.’
I felt the weight in my heart, my stomach. A leaden grey feeling as though my soul was punctured. ‘No, I suppose not.’
‘Although it’s Luke you should be talking to. You know that.’
‘And what do I say? “I was snooping through your phone”?’
‘Whateveryoudid’ — Cal faced me — ‘hehas no right to put doubts in your head.’ He laid a casual hand on my cheek and wiped away a tear. ‘No one has any right to hurt you, Willow.’
His fingers were very warm. I closed my eyes. ‘It might not be what it seems. Maybe I shouldn’t be doubting.’
‘You certainly shouldn’t be suffering. Come on, let me take you home.’ The hand was still resting on my cheek. I leaned into the pressure and felt the ponderous slowing of time, drugged by proximity, as his fingers cupped under my chin and moved myhead. ‘Oh Christ. Bad idea, Cal, bad idea,’ he whispered, then our mouths made contact, and that was that.
Moons passed. Ice Ages came and went.
At last, he moved away. Neither of us spoke. There was nothing to say. Together we crossed the moonlit field, picked our way carefully up the muddy pathway and arrived at the car, the only sound our breathing, eerily visible in the chilled air, rising like prayers. I sat in the passenger seat and broke the silence. ‘Cal.’
‘Yeah, I know, I know. It shouldn’t have happened. I took advantage of a bad situation. If it’s any consolation, it wasn’t intentional. I only wanted to make you feel better.’ He started the engine, but wouldn’t meet my eye. ‘I can’t . . . I wanted to show you that I . . . that you are worth something. I’m sorry.’
We drove about twenty miles without another word being spoken. Even my stomach was still, whereas normally in this sort of situation it would have been undulating and the lining of my nose would be stinging with acid. Eventually, when we were almost at my door, I said, ‘There really wasn’t anything to apologise for, Cal. It’s okay. I don’t feel “taken advantage of”.’
‘But you were and I should have known better.’ But he still slipped me one of those gorgeous, shy smiles. ‘Won’t happen again. If it does, you have my permission to slap my face and Moulinex my groin, all right?’
‘All right.’ The car pulled up at the kerb, behind Jazz’s Skoda. ‘Thanks for the lift.’ I started to get out. ‘You don’t have to hang around, you know.’
Cal was getting out, too. ‘A gentleman always shows a lady to her door,’ he said, following me up the path. ‘Door, lady — lady, door.’
‘Oh, very funny.’ I turned awkwardly on the step. ‘I’m back now. So. You can, you know, go.’
‘Right. I’m sure everything is going to be fine. Luke, I mean, why would he?’
‘Thank you, Mr Erudite and his amazing Clarity Orchestra, for that thought.’ We stood and stared at the night for a bit. ‘It’s a long drive back, would you like some coffee?’ I looked at him sternly. ‘I reallydomean coffee.’
It was only when I’d opened the door and led him through to the kitchen that I put a lot of thoughts together. Cal, the used condom, the kiss. Some poor girl, somewhere, who liked Cal enough to perform some high-level gymnastics on the shelf-like Micra seat with him, was walking about unaware whilst he was snogging me against a barn wall.
The kitchen was empty. I boiled the kettle and nearly slammed the mug of coffee down in front of Cal. ‘So, what’s your girlfriend’s name?’ I asked, trying for nonchalance, but only getting as far as shrill.
‘Um. Jessica?’
‘Don’t youknow?’
‘Sorry, I thought I was being Luke there. Thought maybe you were rehearsing what you’d say when you saw him next?’
‘No. I meantyourgirlfriend.’
‘I don’t have one. There was somebody a while back, couple of years now, but she . . . she took off with someone else.’
‘I think,’ I hissed, between gritted teeth, ‘that is a lie, Cal.’
His face blanked. It was as though somebody had taken a sponge and wiped every trace of emotion away from the inside, except the expression in his eyes. Hurt, and trying to hide.
Today couldn’t get any worse, could it?
