Page 63 of The Price of Love
‘Do you know something?’ He lowered his gaze to stare at the cracks in the flagstone floor. ‘Right now, rightnowI don’t care why you want me.Iwantyou,so much, and, Christ, I haven’t been with anyone for two years and if you don’t stop looking at me like that, then it’s all going to be over in the next five seconds.’
‘I thought you didn’t.’
‘Willow, I want you so much I can hardly move.’
‘Cal.’
‘I know it’s probably going to end badly — this is me, setting myself up for failure again before I’ve even got started — but I just want you to know that I’m ready for it. You don’t have to regard anything we might do in the next — I’d say, hour or so, being on the generous side — you don’t have to thinkIthink it means anything. But you’re hurting and I can make it stop for however long, and I would doanythingto stop you hurting.’ Eyes met mine and locked on.
‘I won’t. I want you.’
‘For now. But “for now” is enough. For now.’ He held his hand out to me, I took it and his fingers closed around mine, pulling me to my feet. Still without speaking, he led me up the wonky staircase, slowly, hesitantly, across the landing and into the beamed bedroom, where the sun arched onto the bare boards, painting the walls a dying scarlet and flame. For a moment we stood in the middle of the room, hand in hand, staring at each other, waiting, both of us trying to ride the moment and not spoil anything by moving too fast.
At last, when the tension between us was stretched so tight that I could hardly breathe, he reached out and touched my face. Time exploded into crazy freeze-frame moments, his lips against my neck, my fingers tangled in his hair, hands beneath clothes.That second when we’d undressed each other and stood naked as the sun slipped beneath the eaves and put a blanket of shadow on the floor. We lay, whispering in the ghostlight, wondering at one another’s bodies, touching, exploring, mouths and hands and eyes and then, finally, locking together, rocking and sliding and eventually cascading into lip-biting chaos until we both fell, satisfied.
And it was much, much longer than an hour.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I don’t know how I managed it, but I slept. When I woke up to a draught poking at me from between the floorboards, I found I’d been covered with Cal’s shirt and my dress and I was lying spreadeagled and alone on the dusty ground. A shape, which could either have been a small mouse or a huge spider, scuttled into a shadowed corner opposite and I crouched to my feet. There was no sign of Cal, apart from the shirt. Stiff and chilly and blurry with sex, I dressed and went downstairs. Darkness had fallen, silvered by the moon, and I could see the barn door standing open. There was an overspill of green glow on the yard cobbles and the silhouetted figure of someone walking up and down inside. Either Cal was working or ET had phoned home.
‘What’s going on?’ Adjusting my dress for length and coverage, I went in. Cal was pacing the hay-strewn floor, barefoot and shirtless, talking urgently and quietly into his headset, the laptop screen was displaying an entire menu of icons in front of him.
‘It . . . I’ve been . . . Hold on a second. Someone just came in.’
‘Who, Willow? You get laid, Sandman?’ Cal’s flick of the button was too late to prevent me hearing the voice from the speaker. His grimace of embarrassment made me laugh.
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s okay. They must know you pretty well.’
‘I really meant, sorry about everything. Earlier. I . . . it wasn’t how I wanted it to be, that’s all. You deserved better.’
‘Wow, you can do better thanthat?’
He smiled. ‘There should at least have been a bed. Sex on the floor is a bit . . .’
‘It was fantastic, Cal. Really, really, amazing.’
Now he laughed. ‘Not bad for a lame geek, eh?’
‘Not bad at all.’ It was still happening. Undiluted by the earlier passion, his eyes had the same fascination for me. I’d supposed so far that it was the mystery, the unfathomability of Cal that I found attractive. Now I knew it was so much more than that. ‘Have you found anything else on Luke’s machine?’
‘You are changing the subject.’
‘Well, we could stand here all night and talk about how fabulously sexy you are, but you’re insufferable enough already, so?’
‘No, let’s stand here all night and talk about how fabulously sexy I am. Honestly, you’ll like it far more as a topic.’
‘Why, what did you find?’
‘Letters and emails, all to women. I’ve only just got started, seems like he’s been shagging all over the country.’ Cal tilted the screen towards me. ‘Oh, yeah, and he’s got a file on you, too.’
‘Show me.’
Cal nudged me aside and typed in a password.
‘Sickgirl? His password for my files isSickgirl? I didn’t even think he knew.’ I scanned down the page. Luke had my address, my family members’ names and jobs, all kinds of things about what I liked and disliked. I blushed to read some of it, but Cal had already found out for himself. ‘The bastard.’
