Page 45 of The Price of Love
We walked down to the farm, slowly and without saying anything else. Back at the yard, Luke was waiting for us. ‘Hey, Will, where’ve you been? It’s time we were getting back. Y’know, we’ve both got work in the morning. Are you okay? You look a bit pale.’
‘Just feeling a bit faint,’ Cal rescued me, saving me from having to speak. ‘Look, if you’re in a hurry, I can run Willow back later. We wanted to have a chat about some damp-proofing that needs doing.’ As he spoke he’d gone into the house. By the time we got in, he was digging around in a cupboard clearly standing absolutely nowhere near Luke’s jacket, although one of the sleeves had been slightly disarranged.
I wanted to grab Luke, to reduce the physical and emotional space, wanted to hold him close,so close, to feel his heartbeat and his arms around me, telling me that everything was fine, would be fine, that I was the only person he loved. I wanted to trust him.
From being my gorgeous husband-to-be, dress picked out, bridesmaids selected, he’d become a stranger, with secrets. God, I wanted comfort right now. A hug, that would do — althoughLuke didn’t hug, didn’t do that kind of closeness. Why did I want it from him now, when I unquestioningly accepted his remoteness? I felt so exposed, as though I wore all my nerves on the outside.
‘I’ll go back with Cal. You go on, Luke, I’ll . . .’ I swallowed. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
I saw Luke look from me to Cal, then he beckoned me outside into the yard. ‘Are you sure you’ll be all right?’ he asked, pulling his jacket on. I was pleased, sort of, to see that the phone was back in the right pocket. ‘I mean, can he drive?’
‘Yes, of course. That’s his Micra up on the road.’ I realised I was clipping my words and managed to stretch a fake smile over my lips.
‘Oh right, he’s got one of those specially adapted things, has he? Okay then, if you want to stay here, I’d better go.’
Yeah, I thought,you head ‘home’. ‘Tomorrow then.’ And I ducked my head as he went to kiss me, so the kiss missed my mouth and landed on my forehead.
‘Yeah. I thought we could go over to Leeds, maybe check out some of the clubs?’
‘Sounds great.’ Just go. Please, just go away.
‘Hey, then maybe we could go over to the flat? It seemed to suit you last time.’
I was nearly sick on the spot. I’d opened myself up to this man, given myself completely, done things I would never have done with anyone else. And all the time he’d . . . ‘Maybe.’ Tight smile, cover the heartbreak.
‘Later, then.’ And with a blown kiss he was on his way up the hill towards the car.
Thank God for night. The dark hid me safely, hunched in against the wall of the barn, as I turned my face to the wooden door and sobbed myself senseless. Cal left me until I’d criedmyself to a shell, then came over and stood beside me as I blew my nose repeatedly and mopped my eyes on my sleeves.
‘What happens now?’ he asked.
‘It’s really strange, you know. I can’t think. I feel like my head’s been stuffed.’
‘Living taxidermy. Good hobby for a growing boy.’ A flash of smile, as though he was worried I might burst into tears again at his levity, but I was glad of it. Nothing had changed. I was still the woman Luke wanted.
‘After all, if hedidhave someone else, someone waiting for him at home, then how come he’s never been the least bit worried about us being seen together? You’d think if he was . . .’ Come on, say it, Willow. Face the fear, at least to yourself. ‘If he wasmarriedor something, he’d be a bit cautious about going out. Anyway why propose? He could have carried on dating me. I wasn’t going to press him for anything more committed.’
Cal gave a sideways shrug. ‘It doesn’t add up, does it?’
I seized on his doubt. ‘No. Exactly. Did he look toyoulike a man who was being unfaithful?’
‘How would I know? Do they grow a second head or something? All I know is that he doesn’t seem to touch you very often.’ Cal bit his lip. ‘I’m surprised he can keep his hands off you.’
‘We both like our own space, that’s all.’ I took a deep breath. All my insides felt achy from crying. ‘It’s nothing, I’m sure. Maybe someone sent him messages to wind him up.’
‘You need to talk to someone who knows him. Have you met any of his friends or family? Anyone who might be able to put you in the picture?’ Cal leaned companionably beside me against the barn door.
‘No. Not really. I mean, there’s only his dad in Wales. Oh, and his brother James in Boston. But I’ve never met or spoken to either of them. And I don’t think he’s made many friends backin York yet. He’s only been over here for six months, and most of that time he’s spent with me. What are you doing?’
‘Making notes.’ From a pocket Cal had fetched a tiny electronic notepad. ‘What do you know about the brother?’
‘James? Not much. Runs the franchise in Boston, a couple of years older than Luke, that’s about it.’
‘American citizen?’
‘I don’t think so. No, I’m sure not.’
‘Do you know his date of birth?’
