Page 15 of Beneath Her Hands
“Thank you?” Jane lifted an eyebrow again and began to wash her hands.
“How is he?”
“He’s stable,” Jane answered, then turned to look at Rosalind directly. “I think the disease has progressed a lot further than anyone realized, though. I don’t want to speculate, but we really should run some more scans.”
“I had my suspicions,” Rosalind’s gaze turned to the floor.
“Go get some coffee; it’s going to be a while before he wakes up. I’ll be in there in a few minutes and we can talk,” Jane said and put a wet hand on Rosalind’s shoulder. Her face was impassioned, but Rosalind couldn’t get a read on what she was trying to express. Rosalind nodded and headed out the door. She went to the cafeteria and poured herself a coffee, she added the sugar and cream like usual, but found that she couldn’t even take a sip. She sat down at an empty table, most of the tables were empty this late in the evening.
A few minutes later, Jane came into the cafeteria, and quickly found Rosalind. She could only imagine how she looked—tired, vacant. Jane sat down across the table from her and reached out to take Rosalind’s hand. “How are you?”
“Worried, I guess,” Rosalind said without lifting her eyes. “I’ve barely been here for the last thirty years, and yet I can’t imagine my life without my dad, you know?”
“I don’t,” Jane answered. It felt honest. “But I can imagine, I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this.”
“Thanks, I guess,” Rosalind answered, finally lifting her eyes to meet Jane’s. They were heavy and lined. She was clearly exhausted. “This has all been so much.”
“I know,” Jane said squeezing her hand.
“Not just my dad,” Rosalind said and pulled her hand away. “All of this. I never wanted to come back; I never thought I would. I don’t know how I saw my life playing out—I guess myparents would live forever while I visited them occasionally—and I would just travel all over the globe tending to wounded and saving lives.” She laughed without mirth. “I’m such a hero.”
“You are, though,” Jane said with a chuckle. “That’s not something you get to decide for yourself—people who call themselves heroes are generally just asshats.”
Rosalind let out a genuine laugh at that.
“You’re a hero because other people believe that you are. I’m sure there are thousands of families who would say that,” Jane said.
“I don’t care about that,” Rosalind said with a wave of her hand. “It’s been so hard being here; it’s like I’m just waiting for all the bad things to happen. This hospital has had more trauma in the past couple of days than you’ve seen in a while, and yet I’m still laying awake at night waiting for the explosions.”
“I can’t even imagine what that’s like,” Jane whispered.
“Few people can,” Rosalind said with a derisive snort, though it was not aimed at Jane. “My mother is a mess, my father is… Well, you see the condition he’s in. And I can’t even walk through the room without inspecting it for IEDs, and it’s all so damned… quiet.”
Jane pressed her lips, but she didn’t have anything to say.
“I just… I thought it would be easy, that I would come in, fix everything and be on my way,” Rosalind said lowering her eyes. “I don’t think I can handle it, Jane.”
“I don’t suppose I’ve made it any easier,” Jane said with a wave of her hand.
“Honestly, you’ve been a welcome distraction,” Rosalind said with a slight smile.
“A distraction?” Jane asked
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Rosalind said, trying to backpedal, but Jane’s eyes tightened. She said that wrong; Jane was more than that, but she didn’t know how to express it.
“I’m glad to be of service, I guess,” Jane said, her jaw tightening.
“No, Jane, that’s not all there is to it. I feel something for you, something I haven’t felt in a long time, if ever—it’s not like that,” Rosalind said and tried to take her hand, but Jane pulled away. Rosalind’s chest tightened. She was losing her—the only good thing that had come of being back in this stupid little city. She could see that Jane didn’t believe her.
“I’m going to go check on my patients,” Jane said, her voice cool. Rosalind let her hand drop away. It only made sense that she would ruin this, too. Jane stood up and walked out of the cafeteria. Rosalind didn’t even try to follow her. She sat there for a few more minutes, chastising herself for being so stupid. That was all she needed. Once this was over, she was leaving, and without her parents here, she doubted she would ever come back. Finally, she got up and went to check on her mother. It would be a while yet before her father woke up from the anesthesia, if he woke up at all.
Her mother’s room was mostly empty, her leg was in a brace, but otherwise she seemed fine, physically at least. The lines around her eyes told another story, however.
“How are you feeling?” Rosalind asked her, stepping up to the side of the bed.
“Oh, I’ll be alright,” her mother answered, but then she choked back a sob.
“It’s alright, Mom,” Rosalind said, tears forming in her own eyes.
