Page 50 of Christmas Ever After
Raff reaches over and lifts my good hand in victory and Erin snaps a photo, and then he bends down and presses a loud ‘mwah’ to my cheek, and he lingers for just a second too long, his cleanshaven jaw against my skin, his nose pressing just under my eye, and for that one moment, there’s nothing else in this room apart from him. I’m instantly so hot and bothered that surely someone has just turned the room thermostat up to 100 degrees, and everything gets a bit hazy and blurry as my fingers grasp onto his, trying to hold him nearer and silently tell him to keep doing that.
I lean into him, close my eyes, and force myself to exhale, but all too quickly, he’s gone, and he uses my hand to tug me into taking a bow with him, and I feel so unsteady that we nearly bang heads as we stand back up.
‘Best fun ever!’ Sofia declares as Biddy undoes their ribbon. Once free, Trisha goes over to Erin and Quentin and Sofiacomes to us, and I’m touched by how careful she is of my hand as she undoes our ribbon, and when she’s done, in one swift movement, she reaches over and grabs our chocolate reindeer and eats it. Raff tackles her and tickles her mercilessly and she squeals and runs away.
Trisha washes her hands, which are almost as covered in royal icing as mine are, and then comes over to present me with the box of Maltesers, complete with a kiss on both cheeks. ‘Thank you for adding a new element to our Christmas tradition this year, lovely.’
‘I want to do arms again next year instead of legs!’ Sofia says and turns to me. ‘Will you come every year?’
‘I think that might be between Uncle Raff and Franca,’ Trisha wisely answers for me and quickly distracts her. ‘Never mind next year, it’s not even 8p.m.tonightyet. What do you want to do next?’
‘Christmas movie marathon!’ Sofia declares. ‘And popcorn!’
‘Haven’t you eaten enough?’ Erin looks at the quickly diminishing pile of gingerbread on Trisha and Sofia’s cake board.
‘There’s no such thing as enough, Mummy! It’s Christmas!’
Something else we can all agree on.
The entire family has traipsed into the living room. Raff flops down in the corner of a sofa and pats the empty space next to him, inviting me to sit there, and I do without hesitation.
After a couple of minutes, he pulls my hair aside, letting it slip through his fingers as he leans forward to whisper in my ear. ‘You can relax, you know.’
I realise I’m sort of perched. Raff’s reclined and put his feet up on the coffee table. Sofia’s still in the kitchen with Trisha, sorting out what popcorn she wants. Quentin has helped Biddy to her armchair and now he and Erin are sharing a three-seater sofa on the other side of the room and Erin’s got her feet up and a hand on her ever-growing belly.
I sit back and let myself lean into Raff’s warmth, and I’m not sure if I imagine him shifting closer and, for one bizarre moment, I think he’s going to put his arm around me, but he doesn’t, and I don’t know if I’m disappointed or relieved. Raff and I have had more than enough arm-on-arm contact for one night. Neither of us need to be in such close proximity now. I could move. I glance around the room. There’s plenty of space for all of us, and yet, the only place Iwantto be is next to Raff.
When Sofia comes in, she’s got a huge bowl of popcorn; Trisha has got another one which she hands to Erin, and a smaller one for Biddy, who clearly isn’t going to share with anyone.
‘I’m going to sit by yoooou!’ Sofia throws herself down on my other side and I can’t help laughing as my left hand reaches out to catch some of the popcorn that cascades out of the bowl with the movement.
‘What are we watching, Sofe?’ Trisha settles next to Erin.
She turns to me like this is a great responsibility. ‘What Christmas movies do you like, Franca?’
I freeze like I did when she asked me about Christmas songs. I haven’t watched any Christmas films for years. I used to love them but lately, on the rare occasions I’ve tried to watch one, they’ve seemed schmaltzy and cheesy and I’ve turned them off after a few minutes, relegating them to the ‘things I used to love but don’t any more’ corner of my brain and telling myself that the time would be better spent working.
‘Have you seenElf?’ She prompts when I don’t answer quickly enough.
I laugh in relief. ‘I have, but not for many years.’
She cheers and I grab the handful of popcorn she sends tumbling over the edge of the bowl again. As Sofia takes control of the remote and puts the film on, Raff touches my injured arm, wordlessly telling me to keep it still so we don’t clash while he reaches across me and takes a handful of popcorn too, and his thoughtfulness makes me melt yet again. After his one mistake three weeks ago, these days, he doesn’t move without thinking it through first.
Raff’s taken possession of the Maltesers box and he opens them and puts them on my lap between us, but after a few more handfuls of Sofia’s popcorn, I give her a nudge and move them to my other side so she can reach them too, and she grins at me and takes some.
‘Hey, that’s not fair. We earned those!’
‘Like you can’t reach from there.’ Trisha holds both hands up and rams them together, telling Raff to shift nearer to me, and I get the feeling that’s exactly what she’s trying to encourage. He moves closer, sinking down until his head is millimetres away from my shoulder, and I lift my arm up so he can reach.
His hand snakes across me, takes a couple of Maltesers, and then he doesn’t move away. His arm stays across my lap, and I lower my right arm back down to rest against it, and he pushes his chin against my shoulder, silently asking if this is okay, and I turn my head to the side and give him a quick nod. Somehow, a half-snuggle with Raff is absolutely fine by me.
Everything is so lovely. The rainbow-coloured lights on the tree are glowing, and there are enough lit-up garlands around the room to make it twinkle from all angles. Trisha has got LED candles glimmering from every surface and there’s a scent warmer melting cranberry-scented wax, and I’m warm and cosyand laughing along with everyone else, and thoroughly enjoying every moment of just sitting here, doing nothing except enjoying a Christmas film. When it finishes, no one even considers getting up, which is just as well because I’m so comfortable that I don’t think I could move if I tried. Raff’s arm is still across my lap, giving my splinted arm something to rest against, still reaching over to steal handfuls of popcorn or Maltesers occasionally, and he’s got unintentionally closer as the film has gone on, so close that his head is on my shoulder now. I would genuinely be so happy if I didn’t have to move again until the new year.
Sofia asks me if I’ve seenThe Muppet Christmas Carol, which I haven’t, so she puts that on next, and I can’t help looking around, loving how relaxed everyone is. No phones are out, no one’s doing anything except letting themselves enjoy Christmas and justbetogether. I can’t remember the last time I didanythinglike this.
As we get further into the film, Sofia gets suspicious when Raff hasn’t stolen any popcorn for a while and she sits forward to peer around me. ‘Uncle Raff’s gone to sleep.’
I love how it doesn’t even occur to her to wake him up, make fun of him, or draw on his face with permanent marker. And there’s something so lovely about how at ease he is. I can’t imagine ever being relaxed enough aroundmyfamily to fall asleep.
