Page 47 of Christmas Ever After
‘What are you doing for Christmas, Franca?’ she asks me.
I answer without thinking. ‘What I usually do – microwave meal for one and a whole selection box.’
The room goes silent. Everyone’s attention is suddenly on me, and every face has got varying degrees of pity on it.
‘Sometimes I cook it in the oven to make it extra special,’ I offer with a helpless shrug. I should have known how sad my lonely little Christmases would sound to a big family.
‘Oh, my dear, don’t you see your family?’ Trisha comes in from the kitchen.
‘Not very often. My parents are separated and live far apart and I’m usually working.’ My face is heating up as I try to justify my quiet Christmases to people who clearly spend Christmas together in a happy family bubble that I’ve always wished I had. ‘I send their presents in advance and we always do a phone call or a video chat on the day. And I enjoy the peace and quiet of working on holiday days…’
‘Oh, no no no.’ Trisha shakes her head. ‘I won’t hear of it. You must come here and spend the big day with us. I can’t abide anyone being alone for Christmas.’
‘What if it’s what they want?’ I suggest.
‘No onewantsto be alone!’ Biddy clangs her plate down onto the table for emphasis.
‘I can’t spend Christmas with you, I barely even know you.’ I’m laughing awkwardly because they sound so serious, but whoreallyinvites a complete stranger to spend Christmas with them?
‘I don’t see how that’s relevant,’ Erin says. ‘What better way to get to know each other?’
‘There’s already a present for you under the tree,’ Sofia says.
‘There is not!’
Sofia bounds across the room to grab my good hand and haul me over to the Christmas tree, where she dives into the pile of wrapped boxes underneath and starts rifling through them until she holds one up to show me a label with my name on it. ‘There is, see?’
‘One of Santa’s elves must’ve put it there.’ Trisha winks at me.
‘I’d love you to, if that makes any difference,’ Raff says. ‘I’ll come get you in the morning and drop you home whenever you’ve had enough of us.’
‘Or you could spend Christmas Eve night at his place too. He’s got a really comfortable sofa…’ Biddy waggles grey eyebrows and then glances at Sofia. ‘So they can stay up together and watch for Santa, of course. Two people are much more likely to hear reindeer hooves on the roof.’
‘Oh go on.’ Erin pats me on the shoulder. ‘It’d be great to have you.’
‘Pleeeeeeeease,’ Sofia says as only a child can.
‘We know you’re not working this year.’ Quentin holds up his right hand and waves it around, indicating my splint.
‘And at least we’ll know you’re not struggling alone one-handed. How would you ever get the cellophane off that microwave meal without both hands?’ Trisha smiles at me. ‘Let us look after you. You deserve to put your feet up and letsomeone take care of you given everything you’re dealing with at the moment.’
Somehow, Raff knows I’m going to cry before I do because he’s wrapped an arm around me and tugged me into his side as tears spill over, and I turn to hide my face in his chest.
It’s the feeling of being wanted and the idea of being looked after. I’ve been taking care of myself for years, I don’t need anyone’s help, but it’s the thought that theywantto, that they’re worried about me… that theycare…
My cheeks are burning with embarrassment at the uncontrollable tears. I’ve got my hand covering the part of my face that’s not buried in Raff’s chest, but rather than drawing attention to me, Trisha just reaches over to pat my shoulder. ‘We’ll take that as a yes then,’ she says before returning to the kitchen. ‘Sofe, mince pies this way! Quentin get down that tin of Quality Street, I can hear it screaming to be opened. Erin, grab the Monopoly!’
Raff’s fingers tangle in my hair as he brushes it back, rubbing his chin against the top of my head.
‘Your family are turning me into an emotional wreck.’
‘They do that. You get used to it.’
Being near Raff has a way of making me feel better, and I sit next to him for the rest of the night as we scoff mince pies and drink hot chocolate, play Monopoly in teams while trying to catch Team Biddy and Sofia out in their cheating, laughing until there are tears streaming down my face in Articulate, and knowing that the sound of the popping dice will haunt my dreams tonight after a few games of Frustration.
And I forget about everything outside of this. I forget about only having one functional hand. I forget about how much every small movement hurts. I get lost in a happy family who have been kind enough to welcome me into their fold and enjoy the fun and laughter and teasing, warm and happy, andrelaxed. This is what I always dreamed Christmas would be like. Everyone you love, gathering together to celebrate. No judgements, no arguments, no pressure to be something you’re not, and the Dardennes make me feel like I’m enough, just as I am.
It’s what every day should feel like, not just Christmas.
