Page 63 of A Wonderland Wish on Ever After Street
‘I wanted to thank you. I think my little sister getting married has made me a bit reflective, so can you bear with me being soppy and weird for a minute?’ He gives me a smile, but it’s muted enough that I know he’s struggling to come up with the right words. He holds his hand out across the blanket and I slip my fingers into it, and his thumb rubs over the backs of them. ‘Thank you for liking me.’
‘Br—’ I go to admonish him for saying something so daft, but I stop myself because he asked me to bear with him without interrupting.
‘After Tabby, I didn’t think I’d ever let anyone into my life again. I thought I’d rather be alone forever than go through that again. And then you appeared and it just happened. I never even thought about opening up to you – I justwasopen with you. It’s a hollowing, lonely feeling to perpetually be told that my preferences and judgements aren’t good enough. For a long time, I’ve hidden behind magic tricks and a wild and loud persona, because the real me isn’t good enough for some members of my family. I’ve tried to tell myself that I’m enough just as I am, but I’ve never really believed it, until you came along. I carry my father’s list of my faults around like a metaphorical chain hanging from my neck. Tabby reinforced that chain and made it stronger and heavier. You’ve torn it apart. Day by day, you’ve taken every link out. So many times, I’ve thought about giving up – doing what he wants, becoming who he wishes I was and giving up on myself, and every day you’ve reminded me of why I won’t do that. You’ve made it all feel worthwhile because I know you like me, and you havenoidea how long it’s been since I felt that anyone would everaccept me. Hanging out with Marnie and Darcy the other day and being accepted as I am… that waswonderful, and I never would have done that without you. My father has made me question everything about myself, to the point where I never thought I’d trust my own judgement again, but you’ve given me back confidence in my own authority. Thank you.’ He’s looking at our joined hands as he speaks. His voice is shaking, and I think my nails are slicing into his fingers where my hand is curled so tightly around his.
‘You have no idea how much I needed you.’ I didn’t realise I was going to cry until tears fill my eyes. ‘For the past couple of years, I’ve hidden away and avoided the world. I may as well have not existed. I didn’t know how to get out of that rut. When I started helping Marnie out at the bookshop last year, it was great while I was there, but then I’d go home and slip back into the rut again. Every time I was at home, it got harder and harder to go out again. And then I burnt the kitchen and got evicted and Marnie was the only person I could turn to, because I’ve pushed everyone else away. It made me realise that I wanted tolivelife again. The Wonderland Teapot was a last-ditch attempt to force myself back into the world, to do something I’d always wanted to do, and even that, she had to push me into. And then there was you. You’ve filled every day with so much joy. You’ve reminded me of who I used to be and the things I used to love, and you’ve made it okay to be childish and silly and find joy in simple things. You’ve helped me so much. Baking at your house every evening hasn’t given me a chance to go home and dwell. You’ve never made me feel belittled for living in a caravan, or ridiculous for trying to take on a tearoom with no kitchen and long-forgotten baking skills. You’ve simply believed in me. You’ve made life happy again.’ There are tears rolling down my cheeks and his eyes have filled up too. ‘So don’t you dare thank me for liking you, because it’s impossiblenotto like you. God, I somuchmorethan like you. Everything about you is exactly as it should be. You’re human sunshine.’
Before I realise he’s going to move, he’s scrambled across the blanket and pulled me into the tightest hug. I kneel up to meet him, wrapping my arms around his body, my hand automatically finding its way to his soft hair and tangling in it.
His breath shudders against my shoulder. ‘If I live to be a hundred, no one will ever say anything that nice about me again. Thank you.’
His lips brush against my neck, and he curls even tighter around me, and I breathe him in. The butterflies that have been flitting around inside me since he knocked on the caravan door go still, like they’ve been soothed by the warm blanket of his body, because everything about being in his arms feels right, and I never want to be anywhere else.
My fingers play with his hair, stroking down to the nape of his neck and back again, making him shiver, and his hand has slid under my coat so his palm is spread open on my back, holding me as close as physically possible, his skin burning hot through the thin material of my pyjama top. His other hand is entwined in the knot my hair is in. I’ve never known anyone who can put so much emotion into a hug as Bram does.
‘Cleo,’ he murmurs after a few long minutes. ‘We need to get up and ride the carousel right now, because if we don’t, I’m going to kiss you…’
The typical Bram honesty makes me smile. I want to. Leaping leopards, I want to. I’ve never wanted anythingmore. It would be so, so easy to pull back now and kiss him, but at the same time, I freeze up. Everything seems so up in the air. He’s such a huge part of the tearoom, and there’s so much uncertainty with the inspection next week, and he’s all tangled up in that, and kissing him would make things even more complicated than they are already, and…
I hesitate for long enough that he releases me and pulls away, getting quickly to his feet.
‘Bram, don’t,’ I say hoarsely, but I know him well enough to know that he’s not going to kiss someone unless theywantto kiss him, and I didn’t respond quickly enough to make that clear.
‘I promised you a midnight ride on the carousel and it’s… well, it’s not midnight any longer.’ He holds his hand out to pull me up and I squeeze his fingers as I slip mine into his, hopefully tight enough to make him realise that I hesitated for so many reasons and none of them were because I didn’twantto kiss him.
‘Sorry, Cleo. I say so many stupid things, can we just write that off as one of them?’ He drops my hand faster than ever before. ‘We should… you know… enjoy this. I had to bribe Joshy to give up his keys for the night with a Reese’s peanut butter cup cheesecake all to himself, so choose your noble steed.’
The interior of the carousel is brightly lit and I can see how red his face has gone, and instead of pushing it, I place a hand on the nearest horse and inelegantly clamber on.
‘Be right back.’ The carousel is operated by a control panel in the centre, a fair few horses away, and he winks at me with a familiar cheeky wink, and it eases the weird tension that’s sprung up between us and sets the butterflies soaring again.
I wrap my hands around the pole my horse is mounted on and watch as he turns his keys and the carousel judders into life. ‘When You Wish Upon a Star’ plays as we start turning slowly and my horse moves gently up and down. I can’t take my eyes off Bram, using the poles to keep his balance as he walks back along the moving carousel.
When he reaches me, he swings a leg over the horse next to mine and grins at me, and I appreciate how awkward things could’ve got after that kiss comment, and how he didn’t make them so.
Maybe I shouldn’t touch him again, but it’s been impossible not to touch Bram for a while now, and tonight isn’t any different. I take one hand from the pole and reach out for his, trying to ignore the flutter of excitement when he instantly leans over to hold my hand between the horses. We’re smiling at each other as the tinny song plays, and considering the carousel is theonlything illuminated on Ever After Street, nothing is brighter than his smile.
I let go of the pole with my other hand and spread my arm out wide, letting the night breeze drift through my fingers. ‘I’m flying!’
‘Wrong movie. That’sTitanicand it didn’t end well.’
It makes me laugh so much that, never mind flying, I feel like I’m soaring, and it’s nothing to do with the up-and-down movement of the crankshaft the horses are attached to.
When the song ends and the carousel stutters to a halt, he asks if I want to go again, and again, and we’re on the fourth ride before I realise I have to do something. There’s magic in the air tonight. This is a big, important moment, and if I don’t dosomething, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. Bram says whatever he feels without hiding anything, and he deserves to know how special he is, without skirting around it or shying away.
This time, when the carousel has started moving and he walks back, I reach out and grab his hand before he can get back to his horse and tug him over to me instead.
‘You okay?’ He wraps a hand around the pole, right above mine so the side of my hand presses against the side of his.
I reach up and pull him down for a hug, and he slides one arm around me and keeps hold of the pole with the other hand, and the hug makes him laugh because I’m moving up and down while he’s standing still.
My mouth is suddenly dry and I have to wet my lips and swallow before any words will come out. ‘Thank you for tonight,’ I murmur into his ear. ‘This is spectacular.Youare spectacular.’
I can feel his face shift as he smiles. ‘You missed the “nut” out.’
‘Yeah, that too, but no. I meant spectacular. Ineveryway.’ I turn my head until I can press my lips hard against his cheek, and his breath catches. He pulls back just far enough to meet my eyes, silently asking permission to kiss me, and if the width of my smile wasn’t answer enough, my horse chooses that moment to glide upwards, smashing my lips against his.
‘I knew I loved this carousel for a reason.’ His words are pressed against my mouth as my hand tightens on the back of his neck and his fingers curl into my lower back.
