Page 82 of The Wishing Tree Beside the Shor
I laugh at the unwanted reminder. I’m not sure the sheep poo wassolelyresponsible for my change of heart.
‘We know that. Ryan will know that too.’ Tonya gives a stern nod.
I look over at the campsite. Ryan is standing by the freed campervan with his assistant talking to him, but his eyes are on us. He must’ve guessed what’s going on from the celebrations. Ffion’s singing “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” and Alys has climbed into a flowerbed and is kicking her shoes off as she dances.
‘Are you going to go and tell him?’ Tonya asks when she sees me looking.
I try a half-smile in his direction and he turns away.
‘I don’t think he ever wants to see me again.’ I can’t keep the sadness out of my voice, because I don’t know what else I can do. Ryan hates me, and the idea of working across the path from him every day is … not as good as I expected.
Chapter 19
‘Fliss, you can’t leave,’ Cheryl says as we’re sitting at the dining table with Dad the next morning, and I’m picking at a bowl of cereal after another sleepless night.
‘I can’t take that job.’
‘You’ve already told them you will,’ Dad says.
‘I didn’t agree to anything; the residents just assumed I would. I’m supposed to have a meeting with Steffan this afternoon, but …’ I trail off.
Running the strawberry patch would’ve been a dream come true, but Ryan and whatever was happening between us was my main reason for staying. Spending time with him again, reigniting whatever was there before – that was the exciting part.
And now, how can I even think about it? To accept Steffan’s job offer and run the strawberry patch across the path from Ryan. I’d see himeveryday. A few days ago, that seemed like the answer to every wish I’ve ever made. Today it seems like torture.
‘You’re happy here. Ryan will come round.’ Cheryl obviously has more confidence in him than I do.
‘If he ever speaks to me again, he will be barely tolerating me. I know Ryan – he doesn’t forget things like that. He won’t forgive me.’ I don’t realise I’m crying again until Dad reaches over and squeezes my shoulder.
‘You can’treallybe considering going back to London …’
‘I still have a flat there. I can get another job …’ I mumble, but my heart isn’t in it. The thought of returning to the city fills me with dread. I can no longer imagine stepping out of my door every morning andnottaking a deep lungful of salty sea air, and I havenoidea how I’ve lived hundreds of miles away from my family for so long, but every time I close my eyes, I see the look on Ryan’s face when I walked into the strawberry patch yesterday and how he jogged out so fast that even a brisk walk wasn’t speedy enough to get away from me.
I clonk my head down onto the table. ‘I’ve loved him for so long. I thought the universe had finally clicked into place and given us a second chance. I messed it up with him before. I ran away rather than staying and facing him—’
‘And what would you be doing if you left now?’ Dad reaches across to squeeze my shoulder again. ‘Fliss, take it from someone who’s been running away from life for years. This isn’t the answer.’
‘Dad’s right. You can’t go, Fliss. You’ll regret it for another fifteen years if you do.’
She’s probably right, except for the fact I’m going to regret it for alotlonger than fifteen years. I’m not sure I’lleverforgive myself for this.
‘Even if you don’t takethatjob, you could find something else locally,’ Cheryl continues. ‘Is Ryan really the only reason for you to stay?’
‘What about us?’ Dad says. ‘It’s been wonderful to have you home again.’
‘You’ve found Cynthia again now. And now Tonya knows how good you are with plants, she’ll be after you for all sorts of gardening advice. She’s already threatened to set up a Seaside Sycamore gardening tips blog.’
‘It’s not about any of that, it’s about you pushing me out of my comfort zone. Making me realise it’s not too late for another chance at life.’ Dad presses each finger into the wooden table and twists each one in a circle. ‘I always thought my happiness died with your mother. You girls know I’ve been struggling for years, wondering what right I had to carry on enjoying life when she was gone, but watching you dive back in and get your hands dirty, overcome all that awkwardness and reconnect with people you hadn’t even realised how much you’ve missed … It made me realise that I’ve been shut away from Lemmon Cove too. I’ve lived here in name only, but you forcing me to come and help has reminded me there’s a whole community out there to turn to for support, and that I can help them too. Made me realise I’m not quite as ready for the knacker’s yard as I thought I was. It’s been nice to reconnect, and to know there are people out there who care, who aren’t obligated to look out for me because they’re my daughters …’ He gives me and Cheryl a pointed look.
‘Dad’s going to give my summer school class a lesson in topiary next week,’ Cheryl says. ‘And the school garden needs serious work, I’m going to ask the head if he can come in and help the children give it a makeover when we start back in September.’
‘That’s fantastic.’
‘Kerr family hug!’ Cheryl says – something we haven’t done for many, many years.
We do the traditional groan, and then get up for a group hug in the middle of the kitchen, and the feeling of being warm and loved with my family makes something unfurl inside me, and I can’t imagine not coming back here for another few months.
‘What aboutyou, Fliss?’ Dad’s arm tightens around my back. ‘None of this has anything to do with Ryan. You’ve loved being back here and you don’t want to go. Why would you even consider it?’
