Page 78 of The Wishing Tree Beside the Shor
‘I’m not reacting to the job – I’m reacting to the fact you lied about it. I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking you live a completely different life to the one you do. There’s this huge pretence between us … And I can’t get over that.’
‘So, that’s it? Fifteen years of being in love with you, and you with me, and it all ends here because you won’t give me the benefit of the doubt?’ It’ll be a miracle if he can translate what I’ve said through the tears.
‘Do you know when I’d have given you the benefit of the doubt? At any point in the last four weeks. If you’d have told me yourself rather than feeding my secrets back to your boss.’
‘I don’t even remember telling him. It must’ve slipped out. He caught me off-guard the other day, the patch was busy, and I was trying to tell him what a good person you were. The opposite of him.’
‘And the opposite ofanyonewho works for him.’
We stare at each other. Ryan is closed off and angry, and I get the feeling I could defend myself until the sycamore is in leaf bud next spring and it wouldn’t make any difference. He will never trust me again and who can blame him?
‘Now, I live here, and you don’t. So why don’t you swan off back to your fancy London life and all your corrupt friends and leave us alone?’
‘Ryan …’ Godfrey says warningly.
He shrugs and goes to walk away. ‘Okay, I’ll go.’
‘No, you’re right.’ I look at the residents gratefully. I want to go and hug them, but I’m not sure hugs from me would be the most welcome thing at the moment. They must hate me as much as Ryan does. ‘This is your place, not mine. I only wanted to stay because of you. Without you, there’s no point.’
I turn to the residents. A few of them have got sneers on their faces, Ffion has walked away, Morys looks like he’s contemplating how much damage a walking stick can really do, and Tonya’s hovering, looking unsure of how to help. ‘Thank you for everything. Thank you for making the world a better place. Whether you believe me or not, my time here has changed my lif—’ I can’t finish the sentence without sobbing, which is quite fitting really, considering how much this place has brought me to tears in the past few weeks.
I turn and walk away on stiff legs, clutching Godfrey’s handkerchief to my face.
I should’ve known it was too good to last and I wouldn’t be able to get out of it without hurting both of us.
Chapter 18
I can’t leave it there. That’s the one thing I know above all else. When I walked away yesterday, I was intending to pack and go straight back to London, but it felt so wrong that I never even pulled my bag out from under Cheryl’s bed. My biggest regret is leaving Lemmon Cove before with things left unsaid, and I can’t let history repeat itself.
Ryan was right – Ishouldhave told them straight away. I should have been honest from the very start. I didn’t deserve the trust I had from the residents, who let me in and embraced me as one of their own from the first moment.
So I’ve been up half the night, teaching myself to make cakes, and then I was up for the other half of the night anyway, tossing and turning and going over and over in my mind how I can possibly make this right.
It doesn’t change the sense of trepidation as I walk towards the strawberry patch the next morning, wondering if I’ll be barred at the gate and threatened with grievous bodily harm by Zimmer frame, and if there’ll be gnomes made in my likeness with voodoo pins stuck in them.
I know they aren’t going to want to see me, but I have baked goods and I’m not afraid to use them. I didn’t even ask for my dad’s assistance because this is my mess and I have to be the one to dig myself out of it. And it only took three batches to get right. I will never be above bribery when it comes to baked goods.
I hesitate at the gate to the coastal path and briefly rethink my tactics. They must hate my guts. Walking in with a basket full of cakes is an insult, isn’t it? A few cupcakes don’t make up for the weeks of deceit. I can hear the residents chattering from behind the hedgerow and force myself to go in. I have enough regrets without adding this to them as well.
From the joy of Henrietta’s visit in the morning to the devastation of my lies being revealed in the afternoon, yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, beaten only by the day I kissed Ryan so many years ago, and I can’t just walk away and let them think I didn’t care, or that Ryan was in any way right about what he said yesterday.
The chatter stops instantly when I appear in the open gateway. The board game men are back at the chess on a flowerbed wall and one stops and slowly lifts the other one’s knight in my direction, and in slow motion, each head turns towards me.
Including Ryan’s, who’s standing in the middle of the group discussing something with Mr Barley.
‘Fliss!’ Tonya squeaks loudly, ensuring the dolphin population also know of my arrival.
‘I came to apologise,’ I say in a rush. ‘I brought cakes. I know I’m not a chef, and I know I shouldn’t have told you I was, but—’
‘You think we can be bought off with fancy cakes, do you?’ Morys says.
Well, Ihadbeen hoping … I shake my head. ‘There’s nothing fancy about them. They’re just plain vanilla fairy cakes with icing and a … well, it was going to be a cherry on top, but a strawberry seemed more fitting, so … enjoy.’
‘Lovely, Fliss, thank you.’ Cynthia removes the basket from my hand and puts it on the bench beside Godfrey.
The atmosphere is tense and awkward. None of them know what to say to me, and look torn between accepting the cakes and throwing me out. Possibly both.
‘I suppose your dad made those,’ Ryan mutters.
