Page 76 of The Wishing Tree Beside the Shor
I swallow hard. ‘Why?’
My voice comes out unsteady even though I’m trying to sound non-committal and vague, like I can somehow still wriggle my way out of this. There’s no telling for sure thatthat’swhat he’s talking about.
‘Riscaldar,’ Tonya answers for me. Ryan’s voice has risen enough to attract the attention of the remaining residents and I hadn’t even noticed them shuffling closer.
‘No,’ Ryan says, slowly, like he’s turning it over in his own head. ‘No, I don’t think you do.’
He knows. A wave of nausea crashes through me. It’s not like I didn’t know this day was coming, but I didn’t want him to find out from someone else. I’ve tried to tell him so many times, but being with him, tentatively dating him, stealing kisses when no one’s looking, and the whirling emotions of wanting to stay here and not go back to London, to maybe make a real go of things with Ryan … It’s made me take leave of my senses, and I was so scared of doing something to mess that up that I’ve bitten my tongue every time I’ve gone to blurt it out.
There’s nonotfacing it now though. ‘Can we talk in private?’ I nod towards the tree and go to start walking towards it, but he shakes his head.
‘No. I think everyone deserves to hear this … Or is it just me you’ve been lying to and everyone else knows the truth?’
The group of residents are curious. They’re gathering closer, intrigued by what’s going on. Despite the numerous hearing aids that are regularly on the blink, none of them have misheard this, and I see them exchanging looks, intrigued by the anger on Ryan’s face and the tone in his voice.
‘I’ve tried to tell you. Imeantto tell you. I know it looks bad, but it’snotwhat you’re thinking.’
The noise he makes was probably meant to be a laugh but it definitely doesn’t sound like one.
‘What do you know?’ I ask.
‘Why? So you can carefully gauge how much of your story has been exposed and what lies you need to feed us next to maintain the illusion?’ Ryan’s voice is spiky, hard, cold. I’ve never heard such venom in it.
‘I didn’t mean that.’ I glance at the residents, who all look away. ‘I meant how. Who told you?’
‘I took a phone call this morning from Landoperty Developments, once again trying to bribe me to call off the protest. A guy named Harrison this time, offering me vast amounts of money for the expansion of my business into holiday chalets and luxury glamping tents, if I would back off and let Steffan sell up …’
‘What did he say? He could be angry, throwing around lies …’ Even as the words come out of my mouth, I’m exasperated at myself for not admitting it straight out. Ryan’s always hated being lied to. Even at Sullivan’s Seeds when trainees would turn up late and be full of outlandish excuses – he’d tell them to just admit they’d overslept and be done with it.
‘Funnily enough, he didn’tsayanything. He didn’t need to. I worked it out for myself.’
‘How?’ I’m confused. I was certain that it must be Harrison dropping me in it out of spite. He saw the pictures in the paper. He knew there was something between me and Ryan. He’d be petty enough to want to throw a spanner in the works, and not one of Alys’s puns this time.
‘Because I trusted you. When I told you I wanted to expand into holiday lets … That was the first time I’d ever said it out loud. Because I didn’t think I could do it, but with you here, believing in me, it gave me the courage to think, “You know what, maybe I can.” You are the only person I’ve ever told. For him to know that, there’s only one way he could’ve found out.’
‘I might’ve mentioned it to someone el—’
‘For God’s sake, Felicity.’ His use of my full name cuts through like a knife. Ryan hasn’t called me that since the day we met. ‘You’ve been here for weeks now –no onegets that amount of time off work. And there isno waythat someone who was as bad in the kitchen as you were could possibly change enough to be working in a five-star celeb-filled restaurant. I knew it was unlikely, but I trusted you. I thought I knew you. Wrong again.’
‘Ryan …’ I can barely get any words out, and my chest is so tight with panic that I feel like I’m going to choke.
‘Go on then.’ Ryan crosses his arms, uncrosses them again, and then recrosses them in the opposite direction. ‘Explain this to me, because as far as I can see, there’s only one explanation.’
‘It’s not what you think.’
‘No?’ The group of residents is growing, and he looks at them and then back at me. ‘Because what I think is that you work for Landoperty Developments and when I said I was expecting some chap in a business suit to turn up and offer me wads of money, they were smarter than me. They knew I’d be expecting that, and that it’d be easy to refuse. What they actually did was send the one person I’d never suspect. I think they sent you as an inside man – to infiltrate the protest and get the inside scoop on our plans, and specifically what you could bribe us with in exchange for abandoning the protest. I can’t see any other reason for you being here. Am I wrong?’
The quake in his voice makes my heart break. He’s not just asking – he’sbeggingme to tell him he’s wrong. If there was ever a time for complete honesty,thisis it.
‘That’s how it started, but it changed the moment I saw you. I had no idea you’d be here.’
‘And if it was someone other than me, that makes it okay, does it?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ I say, all too aware that I’m digging myself in deeper. ‘I meant that meeting you again changed everything. I didn’t agree with what I was sent here to do, but I had no choice. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. As soon as I got here and realised what was happening, I couldn’t go through with it. I tried to get taken off the project because of you and my history here, but Harrison was having none of it. All the time I’ve been here, I’ve done the opposite of what I was supposed to be doing. Youknowthat. It’s my boss I’ve been lying to, not you.’
‘Oh, apart from that thing where you told us all you worked in a restaurant.’ He waves a nonchalant hand around. ‘You even went so far as to point outwhichrestaurant—’
‘I was put on the spot! I didn’t mean for anyone to look it up.’ I glance at Tonya, who’s gone so pale that even her pink hair seems to have faded in the last five minutes. ‘I thought I’d be walking into a bunch of strangers who wouldn’t know me or care why I was ther—’
