Page 85 of The Wishing Tree Beside the Shor
‘I felt like such an idiot when Tonya told me what he’d said and about the job offer and … I’m so sorry for how wrong I got it. She knew you were wavering about taking the job, and I realised you might leavebecauseof me. I was trying to psych myself up to come over when the “fall” happened.’ He does the air quotes and it makes me smile.
‘Dad and Cheryl were trying to persuade me not to go when Godfrey phoned.’ I wring my hands together. ‘I didn’t mean for any of this to happen the way it did. I know I lied to you, but it wasn’t meant to go this far. That first day when I walked in, I hadn’t planned anything, and you were there, this guy I’ve been trying to avoid for fifteen years, and—’
‘Is that why you’ve never been back? Because you were trying to avoid me?’
‘No. Yes. I don’t know. Seeing you again was both my best dream and my worst nightmare. And that day I walked in and you were there, in exactly the place I last saw you, in the place I made the most embarrassing mistake of my life, and I wanted to be cool and sophisticated but I nearly got impaled by a walking stick and trod in sheep poo right in front of you. And I don’t think you realise it, but you’regorgeous and it’s intimidating, and I didn’t want to be this stupid, pathetic girl who still had a crush on you all these years later.’
As if any conversation with Ryan would be complete without Nineties music, he sings a line of “You’re Gorgeous” by Babybird. ‘But I think that about you.You’regorgeous.Ithoughtyou’dthinkIwas stupid for still being head over heels in love with you. You’re beautiful and sophisticated and successful – and I’ve never lived anywhere outside of here.’
‘But you have a home here. It’s only in the past few weeks that I’ve realised how important that is. You have people who love you; you’re a huge part of a community who rallies round when you need them.’ I wave a hand towards the blocked gate where some of the residents are still loitering.
‘A community who would stage an accident to prevent me making another huge mistake?’
‘I’m sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I was overwhelmed and intimidated and embarrassed and you asked me what I did, and I wanted to be more refined than the foot currently in sheep poo indicated. I couldn’t outright say I’d been sent by Landoperty Developments to stop the protest. One of the staff brought out a tray of cakes and I thought of cooking, and then you asked me about it and I thought of a random restaurant. It was a throwaway comment, but then Tonya looked it up and you all seemed impressed and started asking questions about it, and it spiralled out of control, and then I didn’t knowhowto tell you the truth, and the more time we spent together, the more I realised what it would look like and how you’d react if you found out.’ It’s been a long time since I took a breath and I have to suck in air by the time I stop myself.
‘I get that. And I know I proved your point. And I didn’t tell you about the holiday lets to catch you out or anything. I just wanted you to think the best of me – that I was ambitious like the guys you must meet in the city. I’ve been negotiating about that field for ages. I was ready to give up, but you genuinely did make me feel like I could do it. Seeing how much you’ve put into the strawberry patch has been inspiring.’
‘Seeing how much you love it, how far you’re willing to go, has been inspiring to me.’
‘Oh, Fee.’ He sinks back against the bench and clonks his head back onto the backrest with a long sigh, and I realise how deep the dark shadows under his eyes are, and have to fight that familiar urge to smooth the crow’s feet around his eyes out with my fingers.
He opens his eyes and blinks in the sunlight, lifting his head and looking straight at me. ‘I’m sorry for my reaction the other day, and I’m sorry for my reaction fifteen years ago. I should have been more adult on both occasions.’
I shake my head, but he speaks again before I can correct him. ‘I’m not sure I deserve another chance, but can we start over? Not fifteen years ago, not the other day – right now?’
Tears have sprung to my eyes and I have to bite my lip to stop it wobbling.
He gets to his feet and reaches me in one long stride. ‘I made the mistake of letting you go before, I’m not going to do it again.’ He holds his hand out and his fingers close around mine when I slip them into it, and he tugs me to him, his other arm sliding around my back as he lowers his lips to mine.
It’s nothing more than a peck this time, gentle, cautious, like he’s waiting for me to shove him away, but it still makes everything in the world fade out, apart from my heart pounding and the hot flush that flashes through me. His hand tightens on my hip and I press back, returning the kiss, letting him know it’s okay, and just as it starts to heat up, he stops.
His forehead drops against mine. ‘I have no doubt we’re being watched right now, and last time we got too close, Tonya put it on YouTube. I don’t know about you, but I don’t wantthison the internet because it would end up on sites far racier than YouTube. How about we …’ He pulls away and jiggles the hand he’s still holding, tugging me with him as he heads towards the tree.
I follow gladly, still trying to get my head around the unexpected twists and turns life can throw at you. I never thought I’d be mid-kiss with Ryan Sullivan on the seaside strawberry patch again. When he looks over at me, he seems ecstatic and like he couldn’t get the smile off his face if he wanted to.
‘They’re right, you know. You are my “one that got away”. They’ve caught me at sad and lonely moments and I’ve told them about you. About how you made my life better, how much I was in love with you, how much I regretted letting you go …’ He squeezes my hand tighter as he glances up at the tree. ‘And I will always believe the tree brought you back for a reason, and I’m not going to ruin it this time.’
My eyes close in anticipation and his hand slides into my hair and he pushes me back against the tree trunk, cradling my head right above the carving of our names as he pulls my lips to his. There’s nothing soft or gentle about it this time as his whole body presses against mine, and we’re grasping at each other, pulling each other closer. I didn’t think we were holding back when we kissed the other day, but we were compared to this. It feels like the first time again. An apology for everything that’s happened between us and a declaration of love at the same time, and it’s a good thing the solid trunk of the tree is at my back because I doubt I’d still be upright without it.
His soft stubble is making my jaw tingle, and I’m not sure if I can hear the wind blowing or just the rush of blood in my own head as every atom in me centres on our lips. Each point where his body touches mine is a burning hot pressure point, and I’m clutching him closer, one hand scrunched in his hair, the other at the back of his neck, my fingernails leaving indentations in his skin.
I can’t kiss him hard enough, deeply enough, justenough. Every time we need to gasp for air, instead of pulling away, we dive back into the kiss, holding on to each other like we’re drowning in it. No kiss will ever be long enough to make up for lost time.
He’s panting and I’m gasping for air when we finally do pull back and he leans his forehead against mine, bracing the other hand against the tree because he’s definitely holding both of us upright.
‘Nowthat’ssomething I should’ve done fifteen years ago.’ He breathes the words against my lips.
I let out a burst of laughter. ‘I think we might’ve been too young to fully appreciate a kiss likethat.’
He pulls back until he can meet my eyes, his thumb stroking gently across my jaw. ‘We were too young for a lot of things, including admitting our feelings, but I’m not going to make the same mistake again. I love you, Fee. Just as much now as I did fifteen years ago. This time, I’m not asking you to stay – I’mbeggingyou to. You make me feel like we can tackle anything as long as we’re together. The world has been a better place since you came back, and I don’t want to let that go again.’ He holds his hands out and I slip mine into them and he squeezes them tight. ‘I’m in a better position now. I can leave the campsite in good hands and go on trips. I want to go places with you. Visit some of the destinations we always said we would, but always, always come home together in the end.’
I’m perilously close to tears again as I let one hand trail up his arm and slide my fingers into his hair and then trace them down his neck and across his chest, until the magnet pulling me to him is too strong and I pull his head down until I can kiss him again.
‘I’ve never stopped loving you, Ry,’ I murmur against his mouth. ‘Every relationship has failed because they weren’t you. I can’t think of anything better than staying here with you.’
Judging by the whoops and cheers from the direction of the care home, the residents must be watching from the windows, because by the time we emerge from the cover of the branches, the gates are open, Baaabra Streisand’s back in her place, and the first few families have come in to pick their own strawberries.
Even though the sea breeze isn’t particularly strong, the branches above us are rustling and waving around, and I look at Ryan and I know we’re both having the same thought – the tree is cheering us on.
