Page 52 of When Sinners Fall
But we're way past that now.
I sigh and keep looking at the water as I see her sit down on a rock in my periphery. “I grew into what I grew into. And now every fucking corner I turn is a threat coming for me, Wren. Every goddamn night is a possible death sentence. Every bar and every restaurant is a risk that someone might try showing the Cortez family they’re done with being threatened. At the end of each night, I’m preparing myself for the next day coming for me. You asking for more means I have to consider you in every aspect of that, and more than I already was doing. And you don’t want to know what men like me do to women like you if we think we can use you as leverage.”
I think I see her flinch, but ignore it. It’s what it is – who I am.
Flicking the smoke into the water, I sit down next to her. “It might be ugly, but it’s the truth. It's real, and if someone wants to get to me or my family, they'll use you to hurt me just for the fucking fun of it. I know it. I've done it. You saw me behave like it last night.”
Never done so much goddamn honesty or talking with a woman before. Whole damn conversation makes me frown, pinching in at my brow to try easing a permanently embedded ache. “That’s why we didn’t go out in the city. I kept you hidden that way. I could keep you safe. If you really want all in, I can’t unless you do as you’re told.”
I look sideways at her for the first time, unsure what the hell to expect. “You get that? You understand?” She nods and wipes a tear from her eye, swallowing down the others she’s trying not to shed. “I have to keep you protected. It’s the only way this works. I’m not pissing around, Wren. The world I’m in doesn’t play nice, and I should tell you to get the hell out of it, but I’m not gonna do that now because I’m selfish and greedy and possessive where you’re concerned. Truth is, I want you in more than I don't.”
Doesn't feel like enough to convince her of things she needs to understand, but I haven’t got anything else to give. I’ve never even considered a woman to be some permanent fixture in my life, let alone explain myself to one.
But she’s here now, just like she always was when we were kids.
Wren Bird.
I reach for her face, pushing aside another tear that's falling. “I don't know why, but I need that softness you bring with you. You’re the only one that ever gave it to me, and I need it. You want all in? Here it is. I'm in.” I swallow the rest that wants to come out, part refusing to show her any more than I already am doing, and pull my hand away. “But it has to be on my terms. All of it. I won't let you leave me once you're in, and there's nowhere you can run where I won't find you. Be ready for that because Iwillfind you, Wren. I'd far rather it doesn't go that way, but be damn sure it will if you force my mood again. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can do whatever the hell you like with me. You can't. No challenges. No fucking playing. All in meansallthe way in for me, and you need to get your head straight about that.”
I’m done. She’s heard the worst. No need for the rest of the shit I get up to or anything about what happened to my baby sister. So I look away towards the water and wait. Guess she might need time to deal with all that information. I sure as hell would if I was on the receiving end and I wasn’t who I am.
Time passes. A smoke’s worth, at least. And she just keeps looking between me and the water like she’s got something to say but doesn’t want to say it. “Spit it out, Wren. Say it while we’re here and I’m thinking like I am.”
“That junkie.” My brow arches, lip snarling at the thought of him on her. “Did you… Did you kill him?”
My head turns to look at her. “He touched you. No one gets to do that anymore. Someone looks at you wrong, and I'm gonna react.”
“But did you?”
“Yes. You want to know how I did it?” Her head shakes instantly, fingers going to her lips so she can worry them and stare away from me. “See? It’s easier when it’s not all in. You don’t need to hear the things you don’t want to hear.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to hear it. I just… It just takes some getting used to.” She fiddles with her fingers, licks her lips slowly. “And you did do itforme. To protect me. Not like he was just some random guy.” Her head flips to look at me. “You don’t do that, do you? Just kill random guys?”
“No.”
“Not a serial killer then.”
“Depends on your definition.”
She frowns and looks back out at the water. “But they’re all bad men?”
My brow arches again. Bad? Bad for who? Nicest damn guy in the world could be bad for our business. That makes him a threat. “I do what I need to do, Wren.”
She frowns. “Are all your family like this?”
“If they need to be.”
“I don’t know them.”
“No. Another thing I was keeping you away from.”
“I don't even know if I know you.”
“Yeah, you do. I'm just not as easy to find anymore.”
She nods and pulls her legs into her, resting her chin on her knees as she looks out at the water. “That’s a lot to deal with.”Yeah.“I didn’t know. Not all of it. I thought, you know, I mean, I knew you were skirting the law, or even breaking it, but the details… and you had a temper, but … It’s a lot to accept.”
It doesn’t feel like that’s the end of it.
