Page 90 of Devious Eyes
“He’s fine. He’s still in surgery. They should be finishing up soon.”
“How long has it been?” My vision blurs as I try to hold her attention.
“Oh, maybe an hour or two?”
Quinn is still pacing. He’s lost the jacket and has his sleeves rolled up his forearms.
“Quinn?”
He doesn’t acknowledge my presence but continues his ritual until I fall back into listening to the pacing. When he doesn’t come back into the room as normal, I start to worry, breaking me of the haze I’ve hidden in. Voices sound in the hall. I ease up from my position, all my joints struggling with keeping up with the movement I demand.
Quinn is talking to the doctor, both their brows furrowed. Frustration sparks inside me as I realise how left out I am. Quinn’s only acknowledged me when I’ve asked a direct question; other than that, he’s seemed hostile, cold. I have no significance here, yet my heart tells me Nate is the most significant part of my life.
The woman approaches me and places a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Look, if he’s still in surgery, you have some time to go look after yourself. Take a shower andclean yourself up. I can get you a change of clothes?”
“I want to be here when he wakes up.” I can’t imagine not seeing Nate after coming through something major. Not anymore.
“You’ll have time. I promise. It looks like you need to take a few moments for yourself.” Her eyes are kind, and I see the sympathy she’s offering.
“Thank you,” I whisper, unsure how steady my voice will be.
She takes me through to an area where there’s a private bathroom and shower, kindly leaving a set of clean scrubs on the chair as she disappears.
The mirror dominates the room. There’s no way for me to avoid seeing my reflection, but I wish I could. My skin is a rainbow of colours, each hit and punch making a patchwork of colour over my skin. Red, puffy eyes look back at me. I grit my teeth and rise above the woman in the mirror. She’s not the real me. She’s the me who survived.
I tear the shirt off my skin, disgusted with it. My blood-stained knickers I kick to the side, along with my bra. If I could, I’d burn the lot, eradicating the memory and turning it to dust.
The water is a soothing balm to my skin, washing away the dirt and grime as I scrub between my thighs. But it gives me pause to take in the events. The pain. A sob breaks free, and I let it. I’ve held back the tears that may show my weakness, but there’s no one here to see them. Not even Nate.
The first wave of emotion is gentle, but it doesn’t stay that way. Violent heaves and gasps pour from my throat as I scream my anguish. The tears are lost in the water from the shower, but my body feels the relief from letting them out. It makes room for the anger and hurt, the worry and fear to rush in and clog up my mind.
I always thought that it would be impossible to cry all your tears away. But it’s not. After my hands turn wrinkly, my breathing is back under control, and there’s no more venom to purge from my body, I turn the shower off. The drops of water splashing into little puddles is all I concentrate on as I let my skin adjust to the cool air.
Sluggish.
Everything hurts, but right now that’s not what I need to focus on. I don’t care what Quinn says; I need to see Nate and he won’t stop me. Not after everything I’ve endured.
The material of the scrubs scratches against my skin, but they’re clean and cover me. I emerge from the room and make my way back to the lady who directed me to the shower. She’s busy tapping away at her keyboard as I approach.
“Hi, I’d like to see Nate.” My voice is calm and firm.
“Of course.” She steps out and ushers me down the hall to what I assume is a private room. Quinn is still pacing outside, his hand still crunching something.
“Thank you.” I dismiss the woman. I don’t need an audience for this.
I walk over towards the door, but Quinn manoeuvres to block my path. “Excuse me, please.”
“He’s resting. He’s still coming round. No visitors.”
“No. He needs to be around the people who love him. I don’t want him to wake up alone.”
“He was nearly dead because of you,” he spits out, his body finally squaring up to me as his hands drop to his side. Aggression is in every line of his body, firmly directed at me. “And he’s not damn well alone. Never has been.” My heart sinks a little, the thought of his words confusing me. He’s right, I know that, but Nate did this for me.For me. I refuse to not be there for him when he wakes. “Why don’t you just fucking leave?” he mutters.
I stare him down for a few seconds, anger and all the pent-up confusion finding strength in me that will not be moved, no matter how harsh he seems.
“Move, Quinn.” I step around him and open the door, but before I can enter he bars my path with his arm, nearly pushing me out of the way. “You might be his brother, but I love him, too. Don’t fucking shut me out,” The words hiss out of me, trying to stay calm as my eyes glare into his. “I’m in this with him, Quinn. With you both.” He raises his chin, making him seem impossibly tall in front of me. I don’t care. I’m going in that room. “Get out of my way.”
