Page 2 of Caught Looking
I stood there, paralyzed, angry at the fear I felt slithering up my spine. I was certain that note on my dresser had the words that would rip him out my life. The phone skittered on the top of the table, making me jump. As soon as I saw a notification flashing on the screen, I gritted my teeth fighting off a wave of nausea. I ignored it and kept my focus on the note. I fucking hated feeling this rattled. If Hatuey were here he’d say it was because my control freak ways turned me into a monster the moment anything in my life seemed out of order. But hewasn’there andthatwas the fucking issue.
Had to go deal with a work thing. One of the rookies needed an interpreter last minute. Take the ibuprofen and go back to bed. Everything’s fine.
I read it twice, not sure what to think, fixating on the squiggles at the end of the note that were supposed to be a smiley face. Did he really have to go or was this his way of avoiding having to deal with me this morning?
Hatuey was the interpreter program coordinator for the Brooklyn Bombers but as far as I knew, it wasn’t usually the kind of job that involved field emergencies. Him leaving before seven a.m. even on a weekday wasn’t the norm, and I had to wonder if this was just an excuse for him to get some space.
I let out a shaky breath as my head swam. Images of last night, of the way he’d responded to me. They way he’d moaned with pleasure as I ran my tongue over every inch of skin I’d spent the last ten years fantasizing about. The way his body felt under my hands. The way they itched to have him there again.
My phone rang this time, which meant it was one of the five people who I was always available for. I walked back to the bed and sat as I looked at the screen and realized Hatuey had left me half a dozen messages and tried to call me about the same amount of times. But he wasn’t calling me now. It was Monserrat, one-third of the threesome that had gotten me through high school, college and most of the last few years in the majors.
I accepted the call, bracing for whatever jokes she had, certain Hatuey had already told her what happened. It wasn’t like I’d ever told anyone about my crush, but Monsi had made enough comments over the years that I was pretty certain meant she had an inkling about my feelings for my best friend.
But when I accepted the call, the typical half-sneering, half-bored tone Monsi usually used was completely gone. “Are you okay, friend?”
I flopped heavily onto the massive headboard of my gigantic bed, not sure what to make of Monserrat’s serious tone.
I closed my eyes, breathing through my nose, all the words on the tip of my tongue. Wanting to tell this to someone. But getting into a decade of my self-made baggage with Hatuey was not going to help. I needed things to go back to normal. Where Hatuey was my friend and I didn’t risk destroying our relationship by breaking rules I’d promised to keep ten years ago.
I’d seen plenty of people ruin things by crossing lines. Sex was messy, which was why it was madness to do this with the one person in my life who was always steady. Why would I open us both up to complications that could mess up the one thing I could not lose?
So I did what had always worked before—I shoved my feelings for Hatuey way down and acted like they weren’t trying to claw up my throat. “I’m fine.”
Chapter 2
Hatuey
I ran out on him.
I could tell myself a thousand times I’d left Yariel’s house at the crack of dawn looking like I’d been ridden hard and put away wet because I was doing my job. And technically I was, but mostly I was being a coward. I’d woken up with my back plastered to my best friend’s chest, his skin like a fire iron against mine. His much bigger, much stronger body wrapping mine up. And after a few blissful moments feeling like my entire life finally made sense, I panicked.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t had the chance to wonder about him that way in the last ten years. Yariel’s sexuality was not just incidental—it was a major topic of conversation in the sports world and in our homeland. My best friend was out and proud. The first MLB player ever to come out in his rookie year.
But Yariel and I had never been complicated. Becoming friends wasn’t ever a question. It just was. I saw him walk into our school—where sometimes it seemed like I’d drown in the pretentious posing—and felt like he was the only real thing I’d seen in that building since I could remember. His mouth set in a hard line, so clearly trying to look tough, and so obviously terrified. And alone, so alone.
It had always felt like a lot more than friendship between us, but back then in the DR, that had been a dangerous proposition. If we were just best friends, there would never be a reason for my family to oppose our friendship. There would never be a reason for us to ever be split apart. If we were best friends, I’d always have to be there. I could just continue to tell myself every one of the hundreds of dates I went on never worked because I was too picky or too busy—and not because I had met my perfect mate in high school and never had the guts to tell myself, let alone him.
But I had gone and ruined it with that kiss last night, and now I was fucked…literally. And no matter what happened, everything would be different. Because I knew Yariel. I knew his stubborn ass was going to blame it all on himself and use it as a reason to push me away. The thought of it was unbearable. But what we’d done last night had changed things even if we never mentioned it again. My throat constricted at the idea of not being able to see him whenever I wanted.
I looked at myself in the mirror behind the bathroom door of my tiny studio apartment and winced when I noticed the bruises on my hips from where Yariel had grabbed me. He’d been so tentative at first, so careful, and I’d let him think I’d never thought about him touching me like that before. But when I’d begged him for more, when I’d told him that I wanted him, he’d unleashed himself on me. And know I was utterly ruined with the knowledge of how Yariel and I could be together.
I had to talk to Yariel. The longer I waited, the more he would get into his own head.
My phone ringing pulled me out from the chaos in my head. I jumped to get it, hoping it was him. I assumed that, like usual, he had gotten it together first. But it was my father. I couldn’t handle a conversation about when I was planning to come home and get into politics like the rest of my siblings. I couldn’t bear to lie about what I was doing now, what I’d be doing last night. So I tapped the ignore button on the call and sat down to do what I should’ve done hours before.
He picked up after two rings. “Hatuey.”
My heart pounded when I heard his voice, and it wasn’t dread or embarrassment that made my pulse throb between my temples. Breathless. I was breathless from the intensity with which my body responded to his voice. I hated my phone and every decision I’d made in the last few hours. I should’ve been there with him.
Because Yariel was in a panic. “I will never let this happen again.”
My stomach lurched at the agony I heard in his voice. He thought I’d run because I regretted what happened last night.
“Are you okay? Are you in pain?” He sounded frantic and scared, and I should’ve said then that I’d been wanting this for so long. That even though I was a clueless prick for a good part of that time, I’d always known. I also knew his control-freak ways had to be at an all-time high right now. The first step was to reassure him that our friendship was still solid.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I ran off this morning.” He grunted in response and I sighed, eyes tightly shut as I remembered how we’d been locked together when I woke up. How his massive arm kept me plastered to him all night. How the aches of what we’d done together had brought the memories crashing back as soon as I’d opened my eyes.
“Everything’s fine, Yari. You want me to come over?” I offered, thinking if we were in the same room we could at least explore whatever it was that had ignited things. Because my head and my body were caught up in a tidal wave of want, and if I left it up to Yariel he would shut it all down before we got any further.
