Page 13 of Caught Looking
Yariel
It’s funny how I got paid millions to anticipate my competitor’s next move, and yet my dumb ass kept getting played by my own dick.
I should’ve fucking known Hatuey was up to something, but when I saw him all cozy and shit with his friend, my whole brain reset. My entire mission in life had been to get two feet of space between them, permanently. Never mind that I’d met her before and should’ve remembered she was queer. But I’d turned into some kind of a Neanderthal from the moment I got a taste of Hatuey, so I’d let them talk me into coming to this little house party/orgy we were in right now. And this was not going to end well.
We’d been here for twenty minutes and already the host, his boyfriend and the DJ had hit on Hatuey. He was currently getting a drink at the pool bar while I stood by a palm tree like a tool in a five-thousand dollar suit. At least from here I had clear view of the bar, and had been watching as Hatuey dodged guy after guy. You’d think these assholes had never seen a man in designer clothes before, with the way they were pawing at him. Chantal, that traitor, had lost complete interest in my best friend the moment we walked in and bee-lined for a super tall woman who’d been holding court in a corner. They’d disappeared within seconds, so I assumed our time with Chantal had ended for the evening.
Not that I cared. My issue at the moment was that I could no longer even pretend Hatuey and I could go back to normal. So far in the past week, no matter how many times I told myself this was not a good idea, I kept trying to find a way around my hang-ups. And right now as I watched him get cruised by half of the gays on the East Coast of Dominican Republic, I wanted to walk up there and wild out on every guy who thought he had a chance with him.
And given how he was going for a gold star in “flirting with guys” at the moment, the lie I’d been feeding myself about him being confused was also not going hold much longer. I was ready to fight people, and even my stubborn ass knew that was no way to keep things platonic.
“Well, he’s certainly being well received,” Chantal chimed in, apparently no longer occupied with her hipster friend.
I grunted in answer and took a swig of my club soda, wishing I’d at least have the burn of a gulp of rum to distract me right now. Since I started playing professionally, I’d become a lightweight when it came to drinking. Which meant I got to watch the man I wanted for myself get pawed on by every guy in the vicinity while stone-cold sober. “Shouldn’t you be talking to him? I thought you missed him so much you had to drag us to this party.”
She snorted, a sound that didn’t match the sleek dress, perfectly done hair and four-inch red-bottoms. “Hatuey’s discovering things about himself and this is the perfect opportunity to explore some of them,” she explained sarcastically as she gestured in his direction.
My back went ramrod straight and that fucking twitch in my left eye came back with a vengeance as I watched a twink lean in to sniff Hatuey’s neck. “What the fuck?” I garbled out, practically choking on my own words.
I stepped forward, nostrils flaring, ready to go knock some heads at the bar. But at the last second, I resisted. If I let my emotions get the best of me, I was going to fuck this up. I recalled the feeling of seeing Hatuey’s father looking at me with pride just this afternoon. Remembered how much it had meant to me over the years whenever he’d told me I’d done well. How much I respected the man. That would all go away if I pursued this with Hatuey. I’d seen friendships destroyed by blurring lines, by changing things, and I was not going to make that mistake with Hatuey.
“Yep, you seem like you’re handling all this well.” Figured that the one person I knew at this party would be another smartass.
I moved my shoulders up and down, trying to loosen the tension there. I felt like my head would pop right off my neck if I turned it.
“He loves you, Yariel. You know that.”
I grunted. “And I love him. That has never been the issue.”
“Then why are you hurting him and yourself?”
I knew Chantal wasn’t trying to verbally shiv me, but the sound I made was that of a wounded animal being poked right where it hurt the most.
“I don’t want him to have to hide who he is. I don’t ever want him to experience what it’s like for people to turn their back on you because of who you are.” I angled my chin in his direction as he laughed at something the twink had said. The jealousy ate through me, and yet I couldn’t get enough of seeing him looking free and comfortable in his own skin. “Look at him. He’s like the sun, everyone orbiting around him. That’s how it should always be.”
These last few days had really done a number on me. I was spilling my guts to strangers at some dude’s party. Or maybe I was just desperate for someone to talk me into going after what I wanted.
She snorted like I was an idiot. “It’s funny, because that’s exactly how he talks about you.” I almost stumbled as her words sliced right through my heart. “You don’t think he hasn’t thought about that? That seeing how you had to fight to be open about who you are hasn’t come up for him?”
“I just don’t want to mess with what I do have. I don’t want my selfishness to take his life from him.”
I got teeth sucking in response, and I prepared for whatever Dominican woman talking-to I was about to receive.
“So according to you, Hatuey having a handsome man who’s been his best friend since high school, who is devoted to him and also happens to be one of the most popular professional athletes in the world, is going to ruin his life?”
I kept my eyes on Hatuey as he threw his head back and laughed again at whatever the guy currently monopolizing his attention had said. In the major leagues my nickname was La Piedra because my batting face was so serious. Stony, stoic, unfeeling. If it was true, then I was starting to crack, because it was taking every ounce of energy I had to not do something that would probably put us on the morning news.
Chantal’s voice brought me back from the precipice, but just barely. “He’s not going to keep asking you. He’s going to eventually stop and then you’ll miss your chance.”
And as if he’d heard her prediction and was determined to test her theory, Hatuey put down the drink he’d been holding and started walking in my direction, his eyes challenging. Like he could see the warring thoughts in my head.
I watched him coming toward me still feeling torn. Still not sure if I would ruin everything by giving into this, or if I was blowing my one real chance at happiness if I didn’t. The truth was that for ten years I’d tried and failed to find someone who could make me forget my best friend. Who could fill the places only Hatuey seemed to be able to reach. And now he was coming to me, offering me everything I wanted.
And as it always was with fate and DJs, a song had to come on and ruin me. Like something out of a cheesy movie, the song that I’d secretly assigned to Hatuey all the way back in high school came on as I stood there drowning in indecision. This had to mean something, right? I listened to the words that for so long had been how I made sense of what I felt for Hatuey. A love that left me powerless, that I could not walk away from, unwilling to give up on. And now that it was within my reach, I refused to take it again and again.
I was a fool.
I took the first step toward him, but someone else got to him first. The man walked up to him without hesitation and asked him to dance as I watched from a distance. He was looking at the love of my life like he was ready and willing to do what I hadn’t: claim him. And finally I was fucking done.
